My name is Cydney and this is my second go at recovery. I made it a year (10 years ago) and felt so good that I had convinced myself “you only have a pill problem you’re not an addict, it’s the doctors fault, as long as you don’t do pills you’ll be fine”. I wasn’t fine, I was a functioning addict. What came from that was replacing pharmaceutical meds with just about everything else. I somehow managed to survive and get a degree in neuroscience at UCSD but things quickly went south. I began traveling the world and it was so beautiful. I had 6 years off pills until I realized I could buy them cheap with no prescription in foreign countries. I convinced myself I had it under control until the 5150s became more common, the depression and cravings sunk in, the hospitalizations, the desire to wake up and use at 7am just to get through a work day, the fear of police taking me away from family. I tried to blame my mental issues, family, friends, etc., as the reasoning for my addiction, and although they may be connected, I no longer want to live a life of self destruction and suicidal ideation. I want to accept my addiction, take responsibility for MY actions so I can grow and breathe each breath with clarity. I want to quit hurting myself and my friends and family. We’re all afraid. But with fear comes courage, awakening, and desire to remove the fear and replace it with love, compassion, strength and growth. That said- it’s your choice as to which path you want to travel. I had my first meeting in 10 years last night and I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of clarity. I am so ready to conquer this battle one day at a time:tada: today I choose sobriety
That’s wonderful to hear Cydney- I’m happy for you. You’re making a healthy choice and you will find your sober self - and you’ll be glad you did.
Welcome to Talking Sober!
Thank you Matt! I’m happy to be alive and in a great community!
Cydney, thanks for that. And congratulations you are another miracle! Isn’t it funny how we have a disease that tells us we don’t? I fell for that lie I told myself 20 years ago, after being sober for 10 years on booze. Well, if the doctor prescribed it, and he said it wasn’t a narcotic etc. What he didn’t say was that it mimicked the feeling so off I went.
Been clean since 2006, but I am way more careful about meds. Docs do their best but some don’t understand the addict brain. So glad you are back!! Xxxoo
Welcome, Cydney. There are so many ways to get and stay sober, and this forum is another tool in my kit. Here’s a thread that I recommend for you, it’s full of suggestions! Resources for our recovery. Blessings on your house as you begin your sober journey!