Day one again looking for suggestions

Advice & Questions
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I’m looking for suggestions. Today is day one again for probably 999th time. I keep getting from 2 weeks to a month sober. I’m feeling great, feeling strong, feeling untouchable. Then all of a sudden Crash and burn and I’m back to drinking. I’m not sure why or how my ability to say no can be so strong one day then non existent another. My biggest trigger is getting off of work or I’m done with whatever I’m doing for that day. I’ve never been a day drinker because I’m way too busy working or getting projects done. But as soon as my responsibilities are completed all I want to do is drink beer. And once I pop a top I don’t want to stop until I run out of beer. And as soon as I run out of beer all I want to do is go to sleep.

I know people say I should go to a meetings but unfortunately I’m in a career that takes me away from home very often and Im never really sure where I’m going until the day prior. So finding a meeting is much harder then finding a bar. Especially when I’m in a city I do not know.

I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you handled it.

I’m just about to turn 38 and I have a new baby boy that I want to be around for. He’s amazing and I want to be the responsibile and loving father for him that I never had.

Thank you

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It sounds to me like you’ve built a drinking ritual around your end-of-work/task, where you “rewarded” yourself with a drink. You’ve subconsciously conditioned yourself to expect a drink, when certain cues occur, and when you don’t get the results from the ritual, you feel off.

I was once this way. 5:30, close the laptop, walk to the kitchen, pour my first drink. Or, 5:30 pull over at the same convenience store, walk 2 steps in, turn right, walk 4 steps, turn left, face right, and I’d be standing in front of the beer cooler.

When I first quit, 5:30 would come and I would close the laptop, head to the kitchen, and then what? I’d be lost as to what to do next. I had to build a new ritual around my end-of-work/task. I replaced it with taking a long walk, while listening to podcasts.

I also noticed that whenever I walked into my neighborhood convenience store, regardless of what I was there for, I always ended up standing in front of the beer cooler, surprised at how programmed I was to where the cues of parking, walking in, led my feet to walk a certain pattern. I quit going to that store.

My advice is build new sober rituals, to replace your old, drinking ones.

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Welcome back Brandon. I’m proud of you for getting back on the wagon.

@Yoda-Stevie 's advice is great.

I also highly recommend checking in daily to keep focus in the checking daily to maintain focus thread.

I also recommend finding some activities to fill time like, running, cycling, working out, meditation/mindfulness, crafts, drawing, reading etc.

Mindfulness is also great of letting go of past shame and guilt since it teaches you to let your thoughts pass without giving them any attention.

This is a weird suggestion, but I recommend giving your addiction a name. Sobriety became easier for me once I named my addiction Brutus. It is no longer an enemy hiding in the shadows now, but now I know my enemy and now I can fight it better.

I also recommend reading on this forum a lot on this forum and asking questions if you have any.

You can make sobriety a lot easier. It’s really hard to think about staying sober for the rest of my life. If I think, do I want to stay sober for the rest of my life? I think hell no. But I can and want to stay sober for today. The next day, I also think I can stay sober for today. and so on.

Don’t think about not using for life but think about not using today. Do that every day, and it gets way easier. If you are very deep in the shit, you can even think, I’ll stay sober the next 5 minutes.

Don’t listen to your mind, your mind will not stop being a dick, it will be a dick less and less, but it will never fully stop being a dick.

If you have cravings, just play the tape. By that I mean, pretend that you abuse again, then try foreseeing the future. Will it be all butterflies and roses, because you feel so awesome when relapsing, or will it be shame, self-disgust and disappointment you feel.

When your mind tells you that you can use once, that’s bullshit, the biggest bullshit ever. Your addiction just tries to find a way to get satisfied.

I also recommend following the twelve step-program with a sponsor.

I hope this helps

Good luck, you’ve got this. :smiley: :+1:

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Hey man, I don’t have any advice as im trying to figure this one out too. Today is day 1 for me again as well. So i guess all i have to add is that i feel ya and you’re not alone.

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Im like you i don’t have a lot of free time, i lose 4 hours a day to commute. I listen to these podcasts and they’ve been a game changer for me. I started on episode 1 on each of them and binged… i almost have 8 months now so maybe this could help you too. Good luck friend

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I agree with Yoda, that you have a ritual and programming going on there. Many of us have / had those when we do X, then we do Y habits in life. The great news is we can rewire our brains and bodies to break these cycles.

As @Yoda-Stevie suggests, switching up your routine to a walk after chores are done would be a fantastic substitute. You could push the baby in the stroller then too. Or perhaps start cooking a slightly time consuming dish. Or do tubby time for the baby then. Maybe work on a puzzle. For myself, I had to put myself to bed often during those challenging times (at least fir the first few weeks)…but that likely is not realistic for you with a baby at home.

Finding what works for you is key. Oh…I did find it real helpful to keep a list of WHY I don’t drink anymore, positives of sobriety, negatives of drinking…and I read it…a lot…when I found myself thinking just one…might help you. Reading on here was also really helpful for me.

Keep asking questions and focus on being sober today. :heart:

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