The best way to practice these skills is when you aren’t in a heightened emotion. Try practicing observe non-judgementally at work today with the things in your environment. It was funny we got into a conversation in therapy the other day about whether observing an objects color was a judgement. Deep thoughts.
It is difficult to observe without judgement. I like to practice it by holding something in my hands and using all my senses to observe it. (Maybe not taste…) but smell sight and touch for sure.
This cup is smooth and red. Feels warm. Has a shiny silver band at the top.
Does observing just mean to state facts?
If I were to judge it… I would be adding opinion right? So whether I like this cup or not? Which I absolutely do haha
Whoa… like really. That’s REALLY deep thinking. Just me trying to think this borders on a headache haha but isn’t a color a fact? Or is it judgement by how we actually perceive the color?
So observing without judgement is just stating the facts. And observing with judgement is adding emotion to it… right?
FUCK fear, I am so sick of fear ruling my life. I get dragged back into head thoughts so easily I find. Following the guidance and wisdom of my heart when I have “flipped my lid” and that the prefrontal cortex is not really working takes a lot of effort. I managed to order a full salad but only because I was with someone who is very aware of where I am in my recovery and urged me gently to make a wise choice. Recovery takes a lot of time, willingness, self awareness, self compassion and PRACTICE!!!
Awe I’m sorry I didn’t see ur post 7 days ago about when u went out to eat and had the full sized salad! I read ur work and that my friend is some incredible self-awareness. That takes alot of work! Fear can be so debilitating and facing it takes strength and bravery and courage and trust within yourself. I’m really very proud of you @Its_me_Stella.
The handout sheets u just posted are interesting. I’m trying to put a past scenario (anger) into it to work thru it. So #6 pretty much the outcome was no my emotion/interpretation did not fit the actual facts. I reacted so intensely due to how I interpreted what was said to me (this I feel was based of past experiences and not actually what was happening that moment). I way overreacted honestly. Then tried to justify my anger. For a few days I prayed over it and then decided to listen to my heart and accept the fact that I was in the wrong.
DBT is a type of psychotherapy that was initially modeled to help people with mood disorders primarily Borderline Personality Disorder. There is evidence that it is amazing when treating mood disorders, suicidal ideation, and for change in behavioral patterns such as self-harm and substance abuse. So it is a mixture, CBT…
acceptance with a Buddhism feel. No digging in the past for shit, dealing with today.
Marsha M. Linehan is the woman behind it, lots of cool stuff to read on how she came about with DBT.
Everyone could benefit from it… especially the interpersonal effectiveness module lol.
Yeah I’m gonna have to read it over, My life been a shitshow as of late.
This is the first time in a long time i had urges, not to numb just to have a taste, and suicidal ideations I always struggled with when I feel nothing is gonna change.
It’s awesome @Its_me_Stella i told you before you’re my favorite mod right? Lol
Since we last talked I changed meds, these ones seem better level me out more, but I didn’t learn much In therapy, it was like oh how was your week like I was talking to a friend or something.
Im just learning j need to say no to people more regardless of the outcome
So the last few days I have been actively using skills that I have learned throughout the DBT modules. For most of my life I have made rash decisions. When I have been asked to do something for someone, I get anxious and flustered, and I usually just say yes because I feel bad saying no. In the past, my whole world has quickly become too full of responsibilities. I end up working too hard due to my perfectionist tendencies. When things started to go sideways because I was overwhelmed I would beat myself up and then a vicious cycle of guilt, shame, and self-hate would start. This added to the plethora of shame cycles I already had cycling.
Last week, when I was propositioned to take on a position in the area of NA I used some pretty valuable skills from interpersonal effectiveness. I maneuvered through that particular conversation and didn’t walk away as the PR chairperson, nor did I walk away, having lost my chance at attaining that. PR chair is exactly where I want to be, just maybe not right now, so I needed some time to think about it. I now know that I am worth those extra 7 days to think about it.
One of my favorite things about DBT is simply the Dialectic way of thinking, that there is always more than one side to anything that exists. That opposites to many things are both important. Just knowing this allows me to act in a much more open-minded way in all situations. I can want the position and not be ready for it right now. Seeing as I do not know exactly what the position entails I am curious about it which is also a dialectic skill. I asked for an information package and I have been calling many people in the program who have been in service for decades to see what their experience has been like. I called my sponsor, " Do you think I am ready for this?" Through working a very, very tight program of recovery I know that my best ideas get me into words of trouble so I am very willing to take suggestions from others.
So for me, some very important opposites that need to be balanced in my life in order for my recovery to stay healthy are:
working and resting
doing things I need to do and doing things I want to do
focusing on myself and focusing on others
I have been working through Pros and Cons which is another skill taught in DBT in the Distress Tolerance section but I am just using it to decide between two courses of action. When I finish up my list after I have coffee with a few more old-timers next week I will update you on what I came up with. I have a feeling I will not be taking the position, but I have not made up my mind as of yet.
