Nice, Emotion Regulation is the module I am just starting so I will have lots of homework to share over the next few weeks!!!
I am very grateful for you too.
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Ok so these are the two cards I drew today. I definitely could have used this prompt in an event that happened last night at a meeting. Saying to a disruptive member, " Your thinking is fucked!" was not my most dialectic moment. 
I will try harderā¦
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Haha Iām sorry but I laughed at what u said lol the amount of times I wanna say that to people haha. I like this card deck! Very cool 
I am going to try the mindful breathing on that 1 card there with the sayings. But card 52 there is tough lol I am definitly not the greatest at this one lol. I either am selfish and think only of my needsā¦ or I am forgetting my own needs to solve the problem of the other person
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Yes I think this comes with practice, it is definitely a skill
That is the whole idea behind DBT, dialectical thinking is just that. The ability to view issues from multiple perspectives and to arrive at the most economical and reasonable reconciliation of seemingly contradictory information and postures .
Soā¦
āI feel happy and I feel sad ā; āI want to be loud and you need me to be quietā; āThings are very different now from a year ago and every day feels the sameā; āI feel too tired to work and I can do my work anywayā; āI love you and I hate youā. are all good examples of this.
I guess I could have said " Your thinking is fucked but I understand?" Hahaha just kidding!!!
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Question for u ā¦is it DBT, when it talks about stop and pause, respond vs react? I am trying SO damn hard to stop and pause before I do or say anything or make a decision. But sometimes, I donāt have that time to pause. Like itās weird. The other person that I could be having a potentially heated discussion with or whatever, would find it weird if i stopped and paused and thot about things for a couple min before responding. How do u work thru situations, where u donāt have that time or space to do that?
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I am not sure that is āexactlyā a DBT skill the STOP skill definitely is and if you use it you can for sure respond rather than react
What they think is not your problem. You would be doing yourself a favor by taking a few minutes to think about the correct way to get your point across.
I will give you an example where I used this today.
I am pretty stressed out homeschooling my daughter, she is on the spectrum, she has unmedicated ADHD which causes her to take a VERY long time to complete tasks and I am concerned she will not complete her school in time. I am often calmly asking her about assignments etcā¦ we got home from a dentist appointment and she thought the whole day was a free for all and hopped on her video games to play with her friends. 2 years ago me would have reacted to when she copped me attitude as I asked her where to logic was in her actions. I literally stopped mid sentence, I closed my eyes and I did some paced breathing the whole time she was sitting there staring at me, wondering what the fuck I was doing I am sure. Once my emotions were at a level I felt comfortable with to open my mouth I said " can you please meet me in the living room I donāt want to speak to you while you have your friends in your headphones in our ears. From there we had a civil conversation where I was able to explain to her the root of my concerns, not just the surface stuff that would have made me react. It takes practice, and the first step is noticing when you could have done it. " Oh I could have done this in that situation." then next time you might be a little more prepared going into a similar situation. " Ok if i get pissed off today, i am just going to take a minute." or making sure you are not already edgy before you deal with such things.
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So last Wednesday was week one of " Emotion Regulation". I will be working through my home work later today. For anyone who has access to the handouts and worksheets the prereading for this homework is from Emotion Regulation handouts 1-6
Here are some useful videos to watch.
The homework was to choose one emotion out of this list of emotions.
-Anger
-Disgust
-Envy
-Fear
-Love
-Happiness
-Jealousy
-Sadness
-Shame
-Guilt
And fill out this worksheet around itā¦
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From how I understand the STOP skill; Stop, Take a moment, Observe, Proceed can be very brief, just a moment to stop and observe before responding.
I used STOP yesterday, my brother called and immediately started rage complaining about our Mom. I felt the anger and irritation coming. This might sound weird, but I sometimes think of an actual red Stop sign being inside my head at that moment. Especially if I am already irritated. I did that while on the phone, then my observation was just āmy brother is still very upset, and its making me upsetā I then proceeded by changing the subject to his daughter instead of my mom. I have used it in very minor situations and great big huge emotional ones.
Iām not sure thatās helpful, Iām re learning the skills, but theyāve been helpful so far!
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These are great videos, thank you for sharing. I was reading the describing emotions work sheet and its very powerful to work through an emotion like that, wow. 
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Oh thank u!!! Iām going to choose anger and work on that emotion! I love this thread!
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Wow very cool example too! Both u and @Its_me_Stella have mentioned amazing examples. I want to get to this place of emotional regulation lol observing without judgment is a hard one for me too. Iāll keep practicing!
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The best way to practice these skills is when you arenāt in a heightened emotion. Try practicing observe non-judgementally at work today with the things in your environment. It was funny we got into a conversation in therapy the other day about whether observing an objects color was a judgement. Deep thoughts.
It is difficult to observe without judgement. I like to practice it by holding something in my hands and using all my senses to observe it. (Maybe not tasteā¦) but smell sight and touch for sure.
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How do u not judge it tho? What does it mean to judge something? Add opinion to it? Sorry this is very new to me lol so for example:
This cup is smooth and red. Feels warm. Has a shiny silver band at the top.
Does observing just mean to state facts?
If I were to judge itā¦ I would be adding opinion right? So whether I like this cup or not? Which I absolutely do haha
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Ok so observations are just the facts, not attaching any emotion or value to them.
So yes
- smooth
- warm
- hard
- smells like peppermint tea (if it had tea in it)
Attaching something to it might sound like,
- calms me ( because tea is soothing to you)
- reminds me of my mom (because she gave you the cup)
And yes adding opinionā¦ so itās a ādull redā I think could be considered an opinion.
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Whoaā¦ like really. Thatās REALLY deep thinking. Just me trying to think this borders on a headache haha but isnāt a color a fact? Or is it judgement by how we actually perceive the color?
So observing without judgement is just stating the facts. And observing with judgement is adding emotion to itā¦ right?
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Yes. Thatās right.
TRIGGER WARNING EATING DISORDER
Ok, so here is my homework sheet!!!
FEAR,FEAR,FEAR.
FUCK fear, I am so sick of fear ruling my life. I get dragged back into head thoughts so easily I find. Following the guidance and wisdom of my heart when I have āflipped my lidā and that the prefrontal cortex is not really working takes a lot of effort. I managed to order a full salad but only because I was with someone who is very aware of where I am in my recovery and urged me gently to make a wise choice. Recovery takes a lot of time, willingness, self awareness, self compassion and PRACTICE!!!
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Ahhhh, so late!!!
Here is the handouts for last weeks homework. So we are checking the facts!!!
Do my feelings fit what is actually happening???
I havenāt worked through my homework yet but I will post when I get to it.
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Awe Iām sorry I didnāt see ur post 7 days ago about when u went out to eat and had the full sized salad! I read ur work and that my friend is some incredible self-awareness. That takes alot of work! Fear can be so debilitating and facing it takes strength and bravery and courage and trust within yourself. Iām really very proud of you @Its_me_Stella.
The handout sheets u just posted are interesting. Iām trying to put a past scenario (anger) into it to work thru it. So #6 pretty much the outcome was no my emotion/interpretation did not fit the actual facts. I reacted so intensely due to how I interpreted what was said to me (this I feel was based of past experiences and not actually what was happening that moment). I way overreacted honestly. Then tried to justify my anger. For a few days I prayed over it and then decided to listen to my heart and accept the fact that I was in the wrong.
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