Sober 3 hours, and for the foreseeable future. If you were content with your life, would you use? What’s the main reason you used? All i think about is drugs.
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I am content with my life i don’t use
When i did use- i lost myself.
I lost sense of worth
I lost taste buds
I lost my heart
Now, i have those back
Also maybe some love for myself
Food tastes great
Music sounds good
And i can hear people talk now
It feels good
To be alive and sober
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What made you want to use in the first place?
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I used to help me forget reality. I didn’t have any self worth . I grew up in a bad situation and the only escape that i know of was to use
Now i have sincere and sober friends
They helped me thru some dark times
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I am more content with my life when I don’t drink. I started drinking for the fun. It was a social thing. It made me relaxed and happy to be with people. But I never stopped at fun. I drank the way I did because I’m an alcoholic. Because I can’t stop at fun and because taking it past fun every time turns out not to be fun, I can never drink. I am content knowing I have control over that 1 part.
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It’s a self-perpetuating misery: we use because we’re unhappy, then, the drug makes us feel even more miserable and so on. Lots to do with the brain chemistry and dopamine fluctuations. You have to break the cycle. The struggle is absolutely worth it. One day you will realize that life is actually not so bad, and just keeps getting better!
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For me, Porn being my issue, it was never about being unhappy. It was learning how to cope with stress, learning how to deal with boredom, learning how to stop being so selfish and focus on others. Also being a lifelong dopamine addict, i’m constantly pulled into impulses to just get online for random reasons, knowing it’s just my subconscious craving dopamine. I have alternatives like walking, drinking water, doing pushups, listening to other things that have value. For me is the valueless scroll of social media that leads me down the path of more and more dopamine, after a while wanting a ‘high’. When i journal and plan my days, i’m giving my pre-frontal cortex an opportunity to take over. But it’s truly a mental/exhausting/daily war.
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I started smoking weed and hash heavily and daily when my parents were in the process of separating which took them a couple of years. The flight from reality which involved lots of other drugs and booze lasted about 40 years. Now dealing with life in a much healthier way, sober, one day at a time. Finally growing up.
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I’m glad you’re here and seeking some answers about the perceived need for drugs. I hope you take some time to read around, get some other perspectives and learn what led others to quit their addictive substances. I quit drinking mostly because I realized I was trying (poorly) to self medicate for mental health issues. Mostly anxiety and some depression. It just turned into a spiral downwards and everything got worse. Life in general got worse. I had to find healthier ways to cope and I did. I hope you keep trying and find your own way.
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If I were content in my life there never would have been a need or desire to use (alcohol in my case). Alcohol was all about becoming someone different. Someone grown up, someone cool, someone confident. If I had believed in myself in anyway I would have had no need for it.
Today I am stronger and I do feel content. I do still have bad days when I’m feeling down, I am human after all, and THOSE are the days I think about drinking.
So to answer the question…when I am content I have no desire to use.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
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To me, having to deal with stress and boredome regularly IS unhappiness.
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I honestly just didn’t like life, growing up around homelessness, poverty , seeing my parents divorce at a young age, I had childhood epilepsy, struggled in school, was bullied a lot, and watched my family fight a lot as a child. It made me turn to substances at a really young age, and it didn’t make things better but it helped me forget, that’s why I have such an addictive personality, because I always depended on something since a very young age. I was already smoking packs of cigarettes within a few days by age 13. I had a lady who would illegally sell it to me at the corner store , or my friends and I would just steal their parents packs… Lol…
Same thing with alcohol, if I couldn’t get my hands on it by myself by age 14, my friend and I would steal his grandpa’s alcohol, or id always find my friends older brothers parties every weekend and manage to get free booze from people.
Deep down I was just trying to be accepted by people and fit in somewhere and fix all the broken situations I encountered growing up, but like I said, it didn’t fix anything… it honestly made things worse.
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I have no friends because i know once they see who i really am, they will judge me or not be able to handle me. I self isolate alot. I am happy i have received responses here.
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I have mental and physical pain, then forcing myself to be around people like at work or social gatherings is exhausting. When i had my pills, i felt i could handle anything and i did.
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I “used”, could relapse at any moment, because of pain. And the pills would relieve my pain and allow me to be a better and kinder person. Its society that perceives me to have a problem because i do something they dont do or understand.
Thats exactly it, mental and physical torment, exacerbated by other people and “their lives”. Im not perfect but i dont drain others like they drain me. I feel opiates are my only friend.
I appreciate your response and i will read others stories and knowledge, i just truly feel if society didnt have a problem with me and my drug of choice we would all be better off…
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Its sad now thinking about it, i don’t know if i have ever been truly content without drugs. Just getting by, a little more hollow each day.
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I know we all have stress but i have seen some get pleasure from causing you more pain. Just thinking about the awful humans i have to deal with on a daily make me want to take my favorite pill, my only friend…
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I know ill never forget the trauma i endured, or the pain i have caused others. I look at the pills i love as true medication. They heal me at least for the moment. At this point in the world i would say their are more functional drug addicts then completely sober humans. I fear i will never feel anything but pain. More or less, pain…