One thing I really, really struggle is this deep sense of loneliness. I came to the UK all alone, and have no family or even friends. Making friends these days takes so much time, I wish I had a friend I could just ring and go, “hey wanna go for a movie?” . This loneliness is something that is a trigger. Anyone feels the same? Anyone with any wisdom or advice?
10 Likes
I’ve lived in the UK all my life I’m married with 3 kids and still feel lonely. Sometimes you just can’t connect with everyone and everything.
There is nothing wrong with feeling alone but you need to enjoy your own company.
5 Likes
Yeah, I hear ya. I’m also struggling sometimes with loneliness although I have few friends. But I don’t see them because of my panic attacks and social anxiety. But I try to enjoy my own company, to fill my days with something meaningful although now in early sobriety I’m really depressed and I find it hard to concentrate on anything. I wish I could give you some advice but just wanted to say you’re not alone with your feelings.
5 Likes
I agree, I think for the longest time I did not allow this pain to surface at all, drugs and alcohol and sex numbed it. Today, I do not want to dodge it with these things any longer. I think my modus operandi was to avoid any pain at any cost. Well it did cost me hugely. The pain of loneliness used me make me feel ashamed and vulnerable… . today I am going to learn to lean into it and feel it as I know that it would pass… this is a huge realisation for me.
5 Likes
thanks dear 
1 Like
“The opposite of addiction is connection”
Try and find a local group you can join; book club, paint night etc. Itll give you something to look forward to and social interaction
Tbh i absolutely miss rehab because it was actually fun with the group we had
6 Likes
Personally I have made that kind of friend in my recovery groups. I have a phone list of people I contact for recovery checkins, and several have become good friends (the kind I could call or text for exactly that: coffee, a movie, a backyard mini-BBQ so I can have a family supper).
There’s a list of recovery groups here, you can take a look at see about finding one in your area:
5 Likes
When i got sober i felt alone but a guy said something at a meeting that still sticks with me today he said son your no longer alone over the decades ive passed this message to my guys i sponsor and any newbies at meetings wish you well
9 Likes
I was SO lonely in sobriety. I had to step away from the life I knew to get sober. When I really started to find connection, for me it was in recovery rooms. Those who were working on the same things I am. It helped me greatly! Hugs! 
4 Likes
I’ve heard addiction described as the above - our DOC is something we do to avoid pain. I think it’s a good way of looking at our addiction, certainly for me, it helps me see what it is that I need to address . I’m fairly sure it was Dr. Gabor Maté. We cling to our addictions to give us relief from some mental anguish or trauma we are avoiding. Loneliness is a form of pain I believe. It’s possible to be in a room full of people and still feel lonely - if you feel like you can’t connect with them.
Similarly to a poster above, I am married, two adult sons and two younger kids. I love them all, but I feel like nobody understands me. The only people that understand my pain are the wonderful people here on TS. I’m so very grateful for this community 
I lack the time and opportunity to actively go out and find people like me, but I would really recommend that you do. Going to meetings feels like a good way to start, and if you do feel like speaking at one - say aloud that you feel lonely. I’m sure a lot of people would resonate with it, and may even reach out to you for private meet ups etc.
I wish you well
4 Likes
thank you so much Binx
1 Like
Yes, indeed.