This is hard to say, but I think it finally smacked me in the head last night. Why do I abuse alcohol? Why do I keep relapsing? Why cant I keep the motivation to finish projects, stay sober, and just live life?
I’m pretty sure I have depression. This occurred to me yesterday when I relapsed again. I only had 2 long island but when I got home something in me snapped. I was yelling at no one in particular. The atheist in me even called out “god” and said if it truly exists to just not let me wake up. Eventually I calmed down enough to go to sleep and woke up at 3am. Wide awake. Been up since. I dont have anyone in my life so no one sees this irrational person. I never get violent or break anything, I just sound like a mad man.
I know I have self esteem issues. I know my weight has factored into a lot of this. I’ve come to the conclusion that I cant keep telling myself nothing’s wrong and i can do the manly thi g and bury it. I’ve tried that for going on 2 years (when I noticed I started to abuse alcohol). Has anyone dealt with depression and alcohol abuse? What was your experience like?
I wish I had more time to post a lengthy response but today is go go go. I just wanted to throw out a question to you.
Do you think you drink because you have depression , or do you have depression because you drink? Maybe it’s a little of both. I don’t know. But I think this is something you should discuss with your doctor. If it is depression he can help you with that (or get you to someone who can help) and then tackling the alcohol may be easier.
Most rehabs are dual diagnosis these days. I’ve gone to a couple myself. Not only will they help with the detoxing and drinking issue, but they also offer therapy, CBT and other things aimed at improving mental health. When I first started getting sober I was diagnosed with Bi-polar 1, insomnia, panic disorder as well as my substance use disorders. I engaged in medication and therapy to treat the initial symptoms, but after about 7 months I met with my psych doctor and we made the decision that I would come off my meds. Once I did that I found that most of my mental health issues were a direct result of my drinking and drug use. Coming off medication worked for me, but so did being on medication. There’s no shame in continuing to use medication to treat your mental health.
I was diagnosed with depression, but it’s difficult to say how that has affected my recovery journey, because it had pretty much dissipated and I’d come off meds for it before I started drinking. The mental health picture now is more complicated and includes an anxiety disorder and BPD as current “best fit” diagnoses. There are periods of depressed mood, but not a depressive disorder. So take this how you will.
Regardless, the biggest improvement has come from cutting out alcohol more than anything else. Over time, at that. Obviously I was in better shape 2 weeks in than at day 1, but I’d say I was still making significant improvements at 3 and 4 months. I’m by no means cured, but being on and off alcohol was certainly multiplying the intensity of many of my symptoms. My mental health was basically a dumpster fire starting off, but now it’s quite manageable in comparison.
But yeah seeing a doctor with good mental health knowledge can be pretty helpful in this scenario. In a “so I think I’m depressed and I have a problem with alcohol” kind of way. Dual diagnosis centres sound perfect for that if you can manage it. Whatever stops this feedback loop between depression and alcohol.
In my experience the alcohol was the result of the depression. However, the depression was most definitely amplified to an unrealistic point as a result of alcohol. I feel like I’ve got a way better chance at managing the depression without alcohol.
I drank to curb my anxiety and in turn it caused my depression to amplify. Without the alcohol I’m still pretty depressed and trying to gather a handle on in. Had I treated my anxiety and depression early on in a healthier manner I probably wouldn’t have turned to alcohol… but for a while there a bottle of booze was cheaper than doctors visits and prescription. Thank god I finally got insurance because it really changed the game.
I also was drinking and taking my meds nightly and taking them at different times and forgetting a bunch when I was drunk so I wasn’t taking them properly.
Meds were very necessary for me for a long time. They kept me alive and able to fall asleep because I struggle with terrible insomnia, but I wonder if I can just come off of them because I’m still depressed and just try to raw dog sobriety. Lol we’ll see… wishing you luck.
Unfortunately, everyone goes through depression at some stage of their lives… no way around it. Whether it’s a divorce, death or “insert reason here”… with that being said, heavy alcohol use for me made it completely impossible to make positive changes to my life. When I drank, and didn’t make the correlation between my depression and alcohol use my mental state was completely horrendous. Literally, the more sober time I accumulated the less depression and anxiety I felt. Of course, I had a few set-backs and the depression and anxiety would return in full force!!! So… alcohol use was the main culprit in my case in relation to depression. We are all different, but I highly recommend to keep a journal about how you feel daily… try to not drink for 30 days, and stroll back to like day 5 in 30 days… the results will astounded you/me!
I’ve contacted a few places. I hope to have a first therapy/counseling/whatever I’m getting myself into soon. Not going to lie but I’m nervous as hell. I’m scared to know how fucked up I am. I need to do this though. For my health. I’m not counting happiness into the equation yet if at all.
The good news is that, from an experiential perspective, you already know how f***ed up things are, because you already experience it. Whatever you find out, if it sounds like bad news, keep in mind you’re already going through it, and the discovery just gets you closer to a solution for managing it. You’ll be alright
% know drinking made the depression and anxiety much worse.