Dears. I need help. I need to feel i’m not alone. To be fair, I am pretty sure i am not alone. And yet, it just feels like i absolutely am.
I started my sober journey mid-September - and it was littered with relapses. I have been reading quit lit voraciously. And all those authors, who found revelation in sobriety, are raving about finally re-discovering their real selves that was hidden behind booze for years and years and sometimes decades. Isn’t that awesome? And inspiring? Don’t we all want just that, to be our real selves again? The one aware of their own values and priorities, and what makes us truly happy?
Well, two months into sobriety, i did not just bump into “the wall”. Instead, i too discovered my real self. A real self deep in depression, bursts of anxiety, nasty irritability, snapping out at everyone for the smallest stupidest reason. And i just burst out crying, at the smallest of stress. Not exactly this usefulest workforce.
And did i just relapse like there’s not tomorrow? Of course i have. Because i just couldn’t bear the self-hatred and the mental pain no more.
Now i spend too weeks off work, have a slightly elevated dose of mood enhancers and anti-depressants, and trying to scrape together all self-help resources.
I will be posting a bunch of these here, in separate posts. This may just end up my personal thread, but i trust the TS community won’t mind too much.
But if anyone related, or has their own techniques and strategies for facing their real self in sobriety and hating it with the fire of a thousand suns, please don’t hesitate to chime in and share your experience.