I take issue with it too - I’m not in favour of it. I think that people should have integrity and know that any kind of sex in that state should be an absolute NO go.
What you say about the court of law… Im in the UK and it was a law that was passed in 2009 I believe. I do not agree with the law, let me point that out.
@littlemisschatterbox - No worries
RAINN discusses consent and substances, you may find it of interest…
https://www.rainn.org/articles/drug-facilitated-sexual-assault
Their main page for more information regarding sexual assault…
Right… So by that logic, you’re saying every woman who has ever had sex whilst she was drunk is the victim of a rape?
Lets take this to private conversation.
If she would not give consent while sober, then yes.
I realize it is counter to how many of us were raised and socialized. However, the world and views can and do change as we all grow and change as well.
Wow. I’m going to add my (male) voice to the room here and say:
A) Drunken consent is not consent. If you disagree with the law in the country, you are welcome to either 1) Open a case and take it to the Supreme Court and try to get the case law changed or, 2) Do nothing. Laws reflect the societies they protect: we live in a society whose evolving laws say one person’s disease - alcoholism, diabetes, mental health - and the associated vulnerability does not entitle others to do whatever they want in the moment.
B) We’re not here to use someone else’s experience - which she shared above - as some screen on which to project our pet legal and social theories. The question here is “Am I to blame?” and the answer is at least that we don’t know enough - as has been said above - and that sobriety and safety are both important. This can involve medical care and legal help, it can also involve sobriety groups. (Edit: the choice is the original poster’s. It would be courteous to that person to open a dedicated thread - a separate thread - to discuss our opinions on society and law.)
So as not to derail this thread any further.
Anything? Well now you’re going to have to draw me up some terms.
Can you agree for a taxi to take you home when you’re drunk?
Can you agree to eat when you’re drunk?
D’you know, im finding it incredibly difficult to take you seriously right now because you are talking like someone who can’t accept someone with an impartial opinion that isn’t the same as yours.
My initial point in my post was that I agreed with you… And regardless of whether you like it or not IN A COURT OF LAW…drunken consent is still consent in the UK - You don’t have to like it, I don’t like it, but thats the fact.
How did I become the rapist defender here, jesus christ… I am the only person here who as said to the OP “Go to the police” which quite frankly EVEYRONE here should be saying.
I said call the cops on the ahole
Ahhh sorry you did after I’d already posted. I didn’t see. My bad - Sorry.
So happy to see someone who advocates doing the right thing.
This last relocation is about a serious topic, and so I leave it here should anyone wish to continue it civilly.
However, this kind of outburst on the thread is absolutely unacceptable. A member was reaching out for support for what’s obviously a very difficult situation. She did not need her thread hijacked by this kind of debate, regardless of content.
In the future, please move on, flag if against our guidelines, or take the conversation in another thread or PM. Failure to do so will result in silencing/cool down for everyone involved
Men and Women can’t be friends.
You raise an important question. Friendship is like so many things we do as humans: it’s something we create, and like the human family it’s enormously diverse.
I suppose to analyze our data - the data from the interviews in this video - and draw some valid conclusions, we’ll have to start by defining our terms.
First:
What is friendship?
(I’m at work now so I’ll be checking in but off and on.)
To the guy in the video who says, “Because of physical attraction, it’s just not possible.”
That says a lot more about him than it does men in general. Probably half my friends are women and I’m the better for knowing them.
If someone doesn’t know how to respect personal boundaries and persons in favor of their own urges, they need a good look in the mirror. This is an attitude that’s been normalized way too long.
Yes indeed, normalized way too long.
Misogyny and sexism are a messy combo that continue to permeate our world. It can be especially ingrained in regards to people’s judgements regarding women, drinking and sex.
Just to cool off for a minute cos this is a sensitive subject. Let’s remember we are first and foremost here to talk about sobriety.
A reminder of the forum rules, particularly points 1 and 2:
I can’t give a valid flag, otherwise I would. This is again one of those things where all men are the bad guys. That’s bullshit. Yes, there are absolutely piece of shit men who would fit best in hell, but there’s such women too. There are female rapists too and males who have lots of consensual sex too. It goes both ways, the raping not as much as men tend to have a stronger build, but still, goes both ways. I honestly feel judged a lot for being a man. “All men are pigs”, “all men consider rape”, “all men cheat”, “men only want to have sex”. No fucking wonder I’m afraid to talk to irl girls. I’m always afraid that it’s one of those “feminist” who isn’t out for equality but superiority. And I have done nothing to deserve all those comments. You will never hear me say that all Mexicans are criminals, because they aren’t. You will never hear me say all cops are Basterds, because they aren’t. You will never hear me say all women are sluts, because they aren’t. You won’t hear me judge all people with a certain factor. If you’d say, men can be such basterds, sure, then it’s “can be” and not “are”. But implying that men are Basterds by definition, no.
Also, men are not allowed to say anything, because they are “superior” to women, so then it’s okay to shit talk them. Men aren’t allowed to shit talk women though. That’s fucking bullshit.
@Olivia I really had to get that out and want you to know that there are no hard feelings on my side
Totally get you Jan. No worries. That meme is not a generalisation but a pointer that there should be discussion on the issue mentioned. Earlier there was a lot talk what is consenting and what not.
I could not find a meme that would have covered all sexes. Obviously, such demeanor is not okay despite the sexes/genders involved.
I do not hate men. I hate that a person whose been abused has to carry the shame and blame.
Edit: I’m usually nice and polite but with this topic not gonna.
