I think if you take @Dan531 's other comment about having the same kind of thought processes in early recovery, as well as mine saying that most of us often respond when we can see our own past behaviours played out in others, it becomes less of a put down.
And as per my earlier post, the only reason people are responding to you is because they actually do care and are hoping for a good outcome for you (and anyone else reading who can relate).
I can remember bristling at things I read here, but as time went by came to see the truth and value in them. There have been many debates about the merit or otherwise of tough love on the forum over the years. The thing is what might be exactly what one person needs to hear (whether or not they realise it at the time!) might be a big turn off for someone else. Thatās life.
I know for me learning to let go of the things that donāt serve me, including the need to engage with everyone and everything, has been a game changer for me using the forum over the years. We donāt have to agree with everyone and everything, thatās OK I hope you can find the threads to hang out on where you feel supported and connected to others. Thereās certainly a lot to choose from!
I actually would buy a copy. Everyones path is different but everyoneās pitfalls are the same. Iām certainly no expert on sobriety, Iām still new to it, still learning. The techniques to remain sober have evolved as my sobriety has matured.
I guess what people are trying to say is keep an open mind to what has worked for others. If youāre willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober you will, if youāre not you wonāt.
This place is extremely helpful if youāre looking for help. I apologize for offending you. Feel free to flag my post.
No, Iām not worried about being triggered and yes I am strong. That post was me highlighting (yes, sarcasticly) a comment that was, obviously, nothing other than sarcastic and unhelpful. Iām more than happy for you to pick apart that comment and show me the bits that werenāt sarcastic and were actually of some help or use.
Someone made a snarky comment to me the other day. Initially I felt bad. Then upon rereading I felt that words were put in my mouth. And I had tried to be supportive to this person. Second emotion, anger. I wrote a pretty tame response but realized it would just spark controversy or an online argument. Neither of which I need. Soā¦I didnāt respond but also deleted my initial post. God forbid should someone else call me out (yup, sarcasm). And I didnāt feel good about that decision but didnāt think too much about it. But I will, as I think my unwillingness to support myself and stand by my input here is important. Anywayā¦I read a bit more and the person who wrote the snarky comment totally RIPPED someone else a new one. Then out of curiosity I read a few more of their posts. Ouch!! Thenā¦all their posts were gone. So, although I was figuring it out by this time, I realized this person was in trouble. Next feelingā¦compassion.
Apology accepted and I too apologise for my sarcastic response. I do have an open mind and I do listen to other peopleās stories, thoughts and experiences. I donāt know the methods others have used but the method I have used is about living my life without alcohol. Living a life that includes going to parties, weddings, the pub, funerals and so on. It focuses on adopting a very different view of alcohol, retraining and learning new. Itās a method that says you donāt drink so you donāt need to hide from it. Thereās quite a bit of science involvedā¦new responses to old stimuli, neural plasticityā¦yada yadaā¦ Dont fully understand it but its working so I donāt really need to understand it. Everyone here has their own path, their own method. I am very much open to other opinions but when, in this discussion, I said how I was embracing these situations, I was shot down and told it was a āterrible ideaā and basically told it would guarantee relapse. I was then accused of āpromotingā my āterrible ideaā. I accept that for the people who made those comments, this method may not work for themā¦but, I have, genuinely met and spoke with 100s of people that have succeeded this way. My mind is open but from some responses I have had, I feel others minds maybe not so. I suppose part of why I took offence isā¦rather than āthatās a terrible ideaāā¦whats wrong with āwell if itās working, great! Keep goingā. Just feels a bit arrogant and unsupportive.
But yeah. Weāre all doing our thing and, mostly, helping and supporting each other.
Good luck with your journey and whatever you are doing, I hope its helping and working.
If a relapse is triggered by a comment from an online strangerā¦ Then you donāt want to quit drinkng. You are in control of your alcohol intake. Not someone who lives on the other side of the world. I think the sarcasm comes from the fact that you advise people to confront their addiction at parties when that leads to relapses in many occasions and potentially death. And i also think @Dan531 wanted to make you realize that youāre doing some risky shit through sarcasm as common sense does not seem to work. Which is a common occurance in early recovery so I donāt blame you. Just be careful not to shutdown all help. This forum has centuries if experience amongst its members so they often know what theyāre talking about.
To me it seems as though youāre desperate to be near alcohol, Iāve had the same thing with my doc. It might very well be your addiction telling you to be close to alcohol to lure you into a deadly trap. But I canāt see inside your head. I donāt know what youāre thinking.
Do as you please with this information. Good luck
Edit: looking at your last post, you have put plenty of thought in your choices. If it works, it works. And I truly hope it does
Iām not advising anyone to do anything. Iām sharing what Iām doing and what I feel is working for me. As you point out, I am in control of my alcohol intake, so is everyone else. As you say, do as you please with this information, as can anyone reading my information. Iām not desperate to be near alcohol. Iām desperate to be able to live in an alcohol-saturated society without needing to drink it. For me, using the method I have adopted (a method that 1000s of others have successfully used), means facing situations and challenges head on, with a different mindset- coming out with a different result and repeating- the effect being I retrain, adopt new learned behaviour and become stronger and better at it.
Yes, it is working, for me and yes I have given it a lot of thought. Thank you for your best wishes.
I hope you can find the threads to hang out on where you feel supported and connected to others. Thereās certainly a lot to choose from!
Asking for a friend 
