For those of you with some months or years under your belt, what was your recovery process like? I mean after what stages of sobriety did you start noticing what kinds of changes? Do you still struggle or crave? How do you feel?
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For me im coming up for 35 years sober in sept , went to a meeting never looked back , rem no internet at that time or mobiles so had to use shangs pony and got a sponsor i had to work at it and after awhile it became easier today im just living my life a day at a time and no struggles with booze only my wife lol dont tell her that
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Great question!! For myself, it was a long slog to get sober and then a much smoother process working my recovery. I knew when I was young…as a teenager, then in my 20s, that my relationship with alcohol and substances wasn’t healthy or normal (normal being take it or leave it, have a drink here or there, etc). It wasn’t until my late 30s that it got really messy and started killing my psyche. And it wasn’t until I was in my mid40s and into my 50s that I really got serious about breaking the chains and cycle. This mostly meant I promised myself every night I would change and every evening I did the same thing I always did. I was a pretty functional drunk and substance abuser my whole life. On the outside having it all, on the inside dying more each day, filled with shame, guilt, self loathing and suicidal thoughts. It was a painful existence physically spiritually and emotionally. And I lived the bulk of my life like that. On the hamster wheel of substance abuse. A half life.
So basically I have always known I was on the wrong path, but nothing changed other than I learned to hate myself more and more for not changing. In my late 40s early 50s I began in earnest the wanting and bargaining and all that…the relapse cycle continued for years. Not recommended, but that was my path. I do feel like I learned along the way, I grew stronger bit by bit along the way, I added more and more resources and info along the way, so my process was not for nothing.
After decades of wandering in the dark, I was truly truly at my end, suicidal, despising myself, trying to figure out how to end the pain with the least mess for my family and I stumbled into TS (after utilizing many other apps, forums and sober communities, reading recovery lit constantly, and on and on). And here is where I learned that yes, even tho I lived with a drinker and had drinking friends I actually could get sober. It was a true light bulb moment for me.
I alone was responsible for my drinking.
Huh? What? How can you get sober when someone is drinking right beside you? If they supported me, they wouldn’t drink! If they didn’t drink, I wouldn’t drink! And all those other excuses I believed kept me from sobriety.
I alone am 100% responsible for my drinking.
It was like a weight was lifted. Like my mind cleared and I got it. I am not saying all of a sudden not drinking was easy, it was not, it was horrifyingly painful and took every ounce of energy each and every minute for many months. But something within me had shifted, and days became weeks, became months, became years.
The first days/weeks/months were rough as eff. Each moment sober was a triumph, so many tears, so many nights I put myself to bed at 7pm trying to avoid drinking. I thought about drinking again constantly and was on edge, anxious, nervous, angry, you name it. It sucked, big time. But here I was, daily, sometimes all day on TS and reading and interacting (mostly reading in early days), learning, adding to what I had gleaned. Sober.
Sometime around the 6 month mark it felt like it might really stick. The 9 month mark too. The 1st year was a miracle after wandering in the desert of substance abuse for 40+ years. As time went on I gained confidence, self love, self compassion and pride. I learned I was worth more than a life as a slave to substances, that my feelings wouldn’t kill me, that my past wouldn’t kill me, that sobriety was a hell of a lot more than not drinking or using…that recovery meant looking and working thru what I had been drinking at my whole damn life.
The cravings were mostly gone by that first year mark, they would show up now and again…especially in places where the body memory of using was strong…like playing cards and drinking/snorting coke or walking into the room at our favorite party vacation spot and just the smell of the room took me to a muscle memory of using. Just like smoking and driving…the habits and places needed rewiring in my brain. Nevertheless, I persisted.
The changes came slowly, I never lost a ton of weight, I likely gained more. But as sobriety became ingrained, I was able to free up more psychic space and work on getting my body healthier (sugar abuse) and back to running and working out without a hideous hangover and dehydration. Who knew how good running could actually feel!!
A process for sure, a very long one for me. But that is my journey, my life.
Now 1600+ days / almost 4.5 years of finding TS and taking my last drink I am a non drinker. I don’t crave. I don’t envy drinkers. I feel my emotions, even the hard ones. I struggle with anxiety. I sleep really poorly still. I have good days and bad days. I survived covid. I survived all that came before in my life. It taught me a lot. I am a strong fierce loving human making my way in an often bewildering world. But each and every morning I rise and bless the fact that I am sober and hangover free. That feeling on waking of being right where I am supposed to be and hangover and anxiety free is the absolute best feeling for me. And each day I get to feel it.
So life does change, for me it changed immensely. It wasn’t quick or pretty or easy. But I am here, sober, alive. I feel free and proud and confident. Today is a great day to be sober!!
Let go or be dragged.
Be here, now.
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For me, my recovery process has been an AA meeting every night at 8:00, meeting with my sponsor at least once a week in person to work through the Big Book and the Steps, this forum, and talking to other alcoholics.
After about 1 month I noticed I started to sleep better and my body was starting to lose weight as well as the bloating from my face caused by drinking. After 2 months the mental fog cleared and a lot of my memory returned. I’m now at 3 months and feel physically and mentally stronger everyday.
I still crave from time to time, but what’s helped me get through that is playing the tape forward. Where’s that one drink going to take me? It won’t stop at just one and will turn into a full blown relapse for weeks or months. I’ve lived it before.
Good luck, there’s tons of great support and knowledge on these forums, and you’re smart for asking these questions.
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I started with therapy and then did some AA meetings (once a week). It was really hard for about 10 months (watching others drink, smelling it, wishing I could too) but as I got closer to one year I started realizing that I didn’t need it, that I wasn’t missing out.
I’m now closing in on 3 years and I don’t crave it anymore. Honestly I don’t. BUT I have been noticing that I’m starting to romanticize it again…the relaxing drink after work or while winding down in the evening. I KNOW it isn’t possible and it’s a quick decline to full blown drowning in booze again but the romancing thoughts are still there. Maybe they’ll always be there.
It’s time for me to get back to meetings!!!
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My process was simple. I spent my early days (first week) learning about alcohol and the effects of the body and mind. I watched videos of people who had a year of sobriety and what it has done for them. I wanted to be sober so bad, so I came here, to this forum, and I latched on to some of the folks that had more sobriety than me and did what they did.
I made a group of friends here, ones I trust to share my feelings, doubts and fears, along.with my wins. I’ve been able to open up in ways I’ve never done before and really was able to explore who I am; who I really am.
It’s been quite a journey indeed. Living life without anything to hide behind makes you feel exposed and vulnerable at first, but you learn to be genuine and honest which makes you stronger than any mask alcohol may have provided.
My 3 year anniversary us coming up and I feel great, I don’t crave at all. Nor do I don’t feel like I have any limitations like I did early on. I feel free; I am free.
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To @Ray_M_C_Laren, @SassyRocks, @Rebhan12, @VSue and @Dejavu, just so yous get my big thankyou for your invaluable insight guys… 
I feel you went the extra mile too @SassyRocks, and truly love that! I read through it all today again! Just what I needed to be honest. I’m at 20.5 clean days (record for all problems at once is 22 days) so let’s see my friends…! No pain, no gain and we only live once. I feel good. 
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I think this part is so important. We can’t just do a few things, become sober and be cured. It’s a constant process of self improvement that we have to work on each day. That’s what my process has looked like, just making sure I do a little something each day to work on my sobriety. Some days that just means reading and posting on here, but some days that’s enough for me.
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@VSue I loved this … I always feel shame and guilt for romantisizing because romantisizing is ALWAYS what has brought me back to drink.
It helps ease the shame having you voice this. My new dialog this time getting sober is “there is nothing romantic about my binges, blackouts and vomiting”.
Was having a rough evening and your share helped. Thanks so much.
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One of the reasons I keep a list on my phone of what drinking really offers/leads to. I has helped me each time I start to believe the fantasy again.
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I have 1348 days of unbroken sobriety.
On day 3 or 4, the hangover/physical withdrawal from my last drunk were gone. I felt better than I had in a while.
At about 30 days, I noticed my wife being less guarded in how she interacted with me, as if she was starting to believe my commitment to never drink again. I also noticed my physical condition improved with my twice-daily walks.
At about day 90 I started martial arts classes and my mental and physical improvement really took off.
At about 6 months, I realized my marriage had improved tremendously, as there wasn’t the cloud of alcoholism hanging over us. The shame and disappointment were gone.
And I haven’t stopped getting better at getting better since. Better today than I was yesterday, and tomorrow better still.
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@SassyRocks that is a GREAT idea. I’m new to ST and actually just found something where each day I can rate my mood/day, etc then journal stuff about my day. I will do exactly what you said. I didn’t have ST as a secondary support system all the other times I attempted sobriety, I’m so happy to have found ya’ll. Thanks so much for checking in! 
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I have to say that this timeline is spot on for how sobriety helped my marriage as well. It has been an absolute blessing.
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Glad it resonated with you! I also learned about keeping that list from here…as well as so much more…all vital to my sobriety and recovery. Talking Sober is a fantastic resource if you use it.
I will share some of my list to help get you started.
What I will gain from not drinking and how I want to live my life…
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Feel healthy, clear and strong - mentally and physically
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No hangovers ever!!
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Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting
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Self respect gets a major boost
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No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop
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Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!! (Still working on this one!)
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No waking up wondering where I am or who I am with
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Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish
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A sense of peace and calm
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No more embarrassment and shame because of my drunk behavior
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Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement
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No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk
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No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk
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No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail
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No upset stomach from drinking
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No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover
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No dark suicidal thoughts
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No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music
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No blackouts ever
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No overwhelming shame at my behavior
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No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel
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Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls
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Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard
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Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem
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No hangovers ever again (this needs to be said twice!!!)
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No more excuses or lies
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Peace of mind
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Self respect, self esteem, self confidence, self love
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I love this list
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@SassyRocks oh WOWZER this is amazing and so perfect! Starting my step work which is always daunting. I love this and will put in font of my workbook for reference! Really, thank you, thank you, thank you! 
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I am 400 days sober. With the pandemic, I found it so easy to start drinking earlier and earlier everyday since I was working from home. I was a mess. I just stopped intending to stop for a few days. Then I went a week. Then I started counting the days. I felt awful for about 2 weeks. The fog lifted around three months. I see a therapist who supported me through this. My husband is 100% supportive. But, I still think about drinking. I found out last week that my sweet dog has cancer. I wanted to drink to numb the pain. It passed. I’ve lost weight, sleep better and get more done sober.
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This is certainly an awesome idea. Unfortunately I’m only going on my third day sober / with out drinking. The longest I’ve ever done is 30 days before, but I believe truly that I can’t go on with the lifestyle anymore of drinking every day. TS is definitely helping these past few days, and I’ve even found an online chat room discord is one I recently just joined which I believe is helpful because there is always someone live on there every time I’ve checked. I have my own business and struggle a lot to be able to make time for meetings out in the real world between kids and my other priorities, so online zoom meetings have helped me as well. To me lately it’s about trying to keep busy and not be overwhelmed by my emotions, tiredness from work, or stress to want to pick up a drink.
In reality all it’s ever done is cure me temporarily, and then made it all worse later.
I’m starting to read the big book, and although I’m only 40% through it, I haven’t been able to relate exactly how the stories are, just that I too most likely suffer from a disease. I’ve never wanted the urge to drink before work, however I always enjoyed drinks on so many other occasion outside of work.
I’ll be 45 next month, and I can’t imagine this path I’ve been on for so long is best for me or my son.
For me drinking has lost it’s happiness and fun it used to make me think it provided.
I’ve also read a few other books before so I’ll check back in to share those at a later date.
Thank you for starting this, and I’ll do my best to provide more information as I too utilize it.
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