Will do, and same goes for you!! I think just trying to stay connected and strong is the best bet. Feel free to message anytime
Yeah. I need to be stronger thanks for the advice.
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Definitely a fair point. And I totally agree. I also agree that it is part of the addiction as well. I’m sure it can be both. I can’t remember where I read that. I wish I could so I could reread it.
I also feel that it makes me feel better that i think it is part of the addiction. And if that makes me feel better then maybe that could make someone else feel better.
I don’t know. Addiction sucks. But thanks for the rebuttal.
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I would like to respectfully disagree with your respectful disagreement.
Relapse is not an absolute.
It is not a foregone conclusion against which we have no control.
Several here have proven that.
Is it the norm?
Likely not.
Is it absolutely part a part of recovery?
No. Doesn’t have to be. But that bit’s up to the individual, not some inescapable force.
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My sister quit drinking 39 years ago and never picked up. I believe @Ray_M_C_Laren got sober on his first try. I know a few more people but my point is not everyone relapses. 🤷
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There are quite a few topics on here about that. Pretty good reading. For anyone that maybe interested.
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I have to respectfully disagree too, but this time with you Kathryn. The six stages of change exist, but nowhere it is said or written we all go through all 6. It’s not a perpetual circle we’re in. Nor do we definitely go back to stage 1 after reaching stage 6, if and when we do get to stage 6 at all that is. People can and do get out at every stage. Some never make it out of stage 1. Some never reach maintenance. Some reach maintenance and stay there. Like me for example. Until now that is. And some do relapse and step right back into action. And some don’t. These stages are possibilities. Not a definite roadmap.
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I respectfully disagree I heard that so many times, Relapse is part of recovery, no its not.
Relapse is a symptom of addiction. There are many out there including the forum here who have remained abstinent on their first try and have been for decades.
I was out for years, tried to quit my own way, it wasn’t until I used the tools of recovery that I have been successful, so really this is my first time in recovery, I have not relapsed, nor do I plan to.
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I think of it as like snakes and ladders, cause a slip might not take you back to square one but it still takes you back. But then this idea needs to be taken with caution because I know that the addictive voice is exceedingly manipulative and could take this idea and run with it, and ultimately use it as an excuse to drink Satan’s piss.
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Relapse is not absolutely part of recovery. It is not a neccessary component of recovery. It is a temporary or permanent interruption in the recovery process.
If a patient in cancer remission has their cancer return, does the oncologist say “It’s absolutely part of recovery”? No. They say “your cancer has returned, and we must treat it.”
I understand what you are trying to communicate. A relapse shouldn’t be the end of recovery. A relapse doesn’t indicate the addict is a bad person. But we need to see it for what it is: something either stopped working, or wasn’t effective enough to begin with. This requires more effort, more will. It requires more tools. It requires a better understanding of the what and why.
I guess one could argue “death is part of life”. It is…the end part.
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It’s OK to hate the addiction and what its done to your life, but please don’t hate who you are.
You want to be better. This is clear, since you are here. You just haven’t yet learned how to get better at getting better. I’m 1146 days sober, and I’m still learning. We can grow, learn new things, become more self-aware, right up until we draw our last breaths.
This time, you didn’t try to stop. Will you try the next time? Why will you try the next time? What are you willing to do to make sure that this time, was your last time? This is where recovery begins and it can continue for as long as you want it to.
So want to.
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Kathryn, to your point, I consider relapse to be a return to the diseased state after some period of recovery. And in my personal experience, there is a huge difference between a brief dry period, perhaps even up to a couple of years or longer, and a relapse after recovery. One can stay dry without recovering, and I’m in the camp of “I did that”. Did it for 18 years as a matter of fact, the time between my first attempt at getting dry and permanent sobriety.
I’m like a lot of people - I was not done drinking. I wanted to get dry to fend off the consequences of my drinking, I wanted to get dry so that when I returned to drinking it would be “better than ever!” (never was"). When I came into AA, one of the hard questions I had to examine and answer was “Are you done yet?”.
I got permanently sober not because of the life changing consequences I was in, not because I was scared, not because I wanted to “be better” whatever that means. These things were true to some degree, but I got sober because I stopped fighting the idea of sobriety. I surrendered to alcohol about 3 years before I got sober, accepted and stopped fighting the fact that on my own I could not resist a drink or control myself once I started. At that time, I gave up and decided to just drink and see what happened, even though I knew it could not possibly be good. Permanent sobriety came when I stopped fighting the idea that somehow sobriety would be a life of less. The idea that being sober was a weakness of character because I could not handle my drinks.
I desperately wanted to stop and knew I could not do so on my own, so I got help and lots of it. Medication, counseling, AA meetings and AA recovery step work, continued connection with recovered alcoholics and work to serve those coming up behind me and some who were ahead of me.
If I drink again, that will be my first relapse. The countless times I quit, whether for half a day or a week or 9 months one time, were simply interruptions in my drinking.
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Wow… I had no idea that there would be so much response to my comment!
I am actually a Child and Youth Worker and have taken courses on addiction and recovery. That’s where I learned of the 6 steps.
Mno, you are correct, not everyone hits the steps in their numerical order, and yes, some skip a step altogether. So of course, it is possible to go through the steps to recovery and never relapse but stay in the maintenance phase. And if you have, congratulations- I admire your strength and resolve.
I’m just saying that it’s there, in the model, because it happens often, to many of us.
Personally, I think that feels better than the alternative. Knowing that it’s a very common occurrence makes me feel less weak and slightly less responsible if/when it happens.
Apparently many of you don’t feel that way, and that’s ok too. If the opposite is what comforts you more, then by all means, tell yourself that.
Everyone’s different and has their own opinions, so whatever rocks your boat. If it’s working, just go with it.
Really sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to start an argument!
I didn’t want to say anything before because I didn’t want to sound arrogant
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You didn’t start an argument, but a discussion which shows differences in opinions and outlooks.
I dont believe anyone wants to make you believe it’s an argument, most people hete are pretty cool and will openly discuss their points.
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I don’t think of it as an argument. I see it as a bunch of people, with a lot of different sobriety durations, discussing the “facts.”
That’s really what makes this forum great. Someone will come on here and grab your post and hang onto it for dear life, and others will grab onto another. Everyone’s voice and opinion matter to someone. Every post has the potential to be life altering for another human.
I truly believe there is no definitive, right answer to anything regarding recovery - except: Don’t use today. If you messed up yesterday, whatever. Today, lay your head on your pillow sober. Keep doing that and you’re winning. Don’t? Get up and do it tomorrow.
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Look listen, I said for SOME of us, not everybody. I wouldn’t say it’s a part of recovery for all that’s painting a picture with a broad brush. If you tell someone that it’s kinda like saying “F**k it go drink it’s part of recovery” No a real part of recovery for people like me anyway is going to meetings, reading the big book, look for a sponsor and whatever other recovery related things you enjoy. Our health and personal well being comes first. I strongly believe spirituality plays a big role as well. Once again I’m speaking for myself.
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Don’t worry you didn’t start an arguement, posting your thoughts is what this forum is all about. Your weren’t offensive or rude it’s all good
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Hey there, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. It was helpful to read the thoughts of many. I also know that…however many reply, there are many more of us on here that read more exclusively than we post. I thought it was important to mention what has worked for me (while there are a thousand paths which lead to recovery…I do my best to listen to the paths that have been walked successfully before!)
For the kind of brain I have, it became “relatively easy” (that being a VERY relative term! 
) to get sober when I took out that option of relapsing. For me, drawing the very clear line in the sand that, I was done drinking, that was something I no longer did…and if I ever did it again, the second I slipped…it was off to either rehab to AA (or any recovery program that would take me) has worked well. My addict brain, if given the allowance that relapse was a part of it…would make relapsing a part of it.
And for me, relapsing would lead back to drinking…and using.
We have many routes and many brains. Let’s us all work a program that WORKS. 
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That’s very well put
Getting a bit technical like a bible study group.
Want to give up drinking is not the same as giving up drinking. Once you have given up drinking, time frame is different for each person, only then do you relapse. Before that the attempts, are wants which you have not achieved. You must strive to get your mind to give up drinking and not wanting to stop which is not permanent