Just checking in on day 9. I’ve felt quite grumpy and out of sorts this afternoon and evening. I don’t know why as I’ve had a good and productive day with no real issues. I just can’t seem to raise a smile. I’m hoping I’ll wake up in a better frame of mind. At least I won’t be hungover in the morning. I just have to learn to feel all the feels I guess. ODAAT
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Double digits today!!! 10 days has gone by quick.
I’ve felt really sad, vacant and short tempered again today. I am very tired as I’ve not been sleeping well at all. Fingers crossed for a decent nights slerp tonight 
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Congrats on your ten days D
I’m glad your here.
I hope you sleep well too.
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Thank you so much. Your support means a lot!
Day 13 now…unlucky for some but not me-I feel blessed 
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I am feeling good today. I’ve had a really busy and social few days so I took today to have some alone time and get myself out in nature on a solo hike. It was restorative and my soul feels nourished.
I have been happy to find two great links whilst looking through posts today, one for the ‘insight timer’ app and one for ‘in the rooms’. I have used both already, to access a meditation session (something I am very new to) and to access an online AA meeting (again, something I’ve never done before).
The meeting topic was ‘progress not perfection’ and it seemed an apt topic for me today; I feel like I am making good steps of progress on this recovery journey and am also recognising that I don’t have to strive for perfection, but rather just a little better each day, with what I am able to give each day. Food for though as I drift off into a (hopefully) good night’s sleep.
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Insight Timer has been a life saver for me.
And there’s a few of us like this thread.
There’s a little challenge @Its_me_Stella started at the beginning a few of us did. Like many things. Start slow work your way up.
I do prefer guided meditations and there’s so many to choose from.
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Thank you for another great thread link 
I do find it very hard to meditate, so I think the guided meditations will work well for me 
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I hear this all the time. And I was one of those too. And I felt like I was “doing it wrong” 
.
I’ve read, a good way to start is to find some short ones you like. Start with 1 or 2 or 3 minutes a day. See what happens.
After years of doing it. My mind still wanders. And when it does, and it will. I just get back to my breathing. And I’m not beating myself up about anymore. And sometimes I fall asleep. And that’s ok too.
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Your hike and your day sound lovely!
You might also like this thread:
I attend Recovery Dharma meetings online, and each meeting has a guided meditation portion. I find the guided meditations really helpful! There are also plenty of folks in the meetings who use 12-step programs and talk about how the two fit together.
I think it’s Day 14 for you now? 2 weeks? Congrats! 
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Great advice, it’s good to hear it should get easier with time. It seems I should apply the progress, not perfection idea to meditation too! Thank you
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Thank you so much for the topic link and the link to Dharma Recovery 
I’ve just looked at both and they seem to be exactly the kind of thing I’m looking for to help me on this journey
I’m going to start reading the book and newbie information and also look for a meeting today.
And yes, I got two weeks yesterday…Each and every day of those two weeks I’ve been thankful I found this community 
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I’ve just woken up after the most vivid, intense and scary dream involving my abusive ex partner. I know I need to in order to heal and move forward. It is going to hurt though.
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Oh friend! First, big hugs to you. Glad you came here to get it out. Drinking and using dreams are awful, but not uncommon. (There should be some threads on those.)
I know well about the pain of facing my past actions. Everything in me screamed to avoid it. But, we’re here because we know that no matter how hard we tried to avoid the hard stuff of life (by drinking, using, numbing, etc) it still showed up. And then I went even deeper into addiction to avoid the shame of my addiction. Crazy, hey?
But, here we are. Now. Sober and recovering. It’s not always easy, no. But it is better. We may still have an aversion to pain, sure, but we learn a new way to deal with it.
I take comfort in these words from Recovery Dharma (p.2):
“Maybe it feels impossible to have faith in this part of you, to believe that you have the potential to be someone capable of wisdom and kindness and ethical deeds, to believe you can be the source of your own healing and awakening. But, don’t worry. Recovery doesn’t happen all at once. The path is a lifetime of individual steps.”
You have everything you need inside of you (and here) to take just the next step, just the next breath. Try not to think of the pain as a mountain you must climb all at once. Nope. Just a step, and a breath.
Also? About your past? I believe you were doing the best you knew how at that time. And I was too. We just know there’s a better way now. And we can set down the shame a step and breath (and the occasional sob) at a time too.
I believe in you. And I’m grateful you’re here. 
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Thank you so much for your reply @M-be-free49 I really needed it yesterday but was feeling too raw to respond straight away
Yes, yesterday was a day, today is another. They have both been filled by a jumble of memories and emotions. Too many to process, but as you say, I will be able to do so in small steps. Although I didn’t write here yesterday, I did do a lot of journalling on paper, just to get some of the jumble out of my head. I read more of the Recovery Dharma book as well which I’m finding I connect with so much.
The part that is really resonating at the moment is:
So many of us have hearts that are tender and worn raw from the suffering we’ve experienced. Many of us have collected layers of trauma which often led us to seek temporary relief in our addictive behavior. But then, through our addiction, we added more layers of demoralization and shame that hardened around our hearts. On top of those layers are the ones we built for our protection: all the ways we’ve run from pain, all the ways we’ve pushed people away in fear of being vulnerable, all the ways we’ve shut parts of ourselves off in order to adapt to what often feels like a hostile world.
We started to recover when we let ourselves believe in the part of us that’s still there beneath all those layers we’ve collected and built—the pure, radiant, courageous heart where we find our potential for awakening. Who were we before the world got to us? Who are we beyond the obsession of our conditioned minds? Who are we beneath all our walls and heartbreak?
I’m definitely feeling very raw. Today, travelling in the car I had a sudden memory of how vulnerable I used to let myself be with people and I became very sad at the realisation of how guarded I am now, even with those I love dearly. I will break down that wall, piece by piece, one day at a time.
Thank you again for helping me along this journey.
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I have replied on the RD thread @Soberbilly …I hope to be seeing you at a meeting soon
Oh dear, I like this term “garbage head”. It perfectly sums up how I have behaved in the past and how I have treated my body like a rubbish bin (I guess you would say trash can in America 
) Not anymore, me and my body deserve better.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot.
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Right back atcha
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Awww, I get all of it. The feeling too raw to reply part (never any pressure here), the sadness about past too-openness and now guardedness… and, the part I love too about the pure, radiant, courageous heart that still beats inside of us all.
These feelings come on so strong sometimes. So turbulent! Something from the meditations I remind myself about a lot - that the sky is always there, always blue. The clouds, they come and go. So do our emotions. We can always picture the blue sky above them, and inside us too.
Thanks for being here. You being here helps me on my journey too. As @Soberbilly said, we’re all just walking each other home.
(Except - I think you’re on vacation! Stay on vacation before coming home, lol! 
)
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It feels so good to be understood, thank you for replying. I love the concept of life being about walking each other home as well. Beautiful.
I do love the sky! When I feel overwhelmed I try to look up and imagine all the countless other lives being lived underneath the same sky. It helps with perspective I find. Plus it just helps me relax, full stop
I hope you have a wonderful day.
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Beautiful, thank you for sharing
Just checking in. 1 week into our holiday and it has to be one of the best of recent times. I am having so much fun, and I’m fun to be around. I’m looking out for things to do, not trying to find activites/ excuses to drink.
I havecslso not been vaping since we arrived. I feel very tempted today though for the first time so I’m putting it down here as I don’t want to have to check in and say I caved. I’ve got this👊
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