So ive not posted alot recently i have been around but didnt feel like talking but now i am.
Unfortunately i relapsed alot and headed straight back to my old ways. No excuses the fault is my own.
I lost alot of staff members at work and my one remaining full timer got taken away in an ambulance after suffering a panick attack after a bereavment not to long ago that she tried to work through but failed. She has told me alot about it and it brought back alot of my feelings when my mum died suddenly (she didnt know this as i was there to support her) i took all this pain and feelings home alone.
So i have been over working and just trying to manage everything. Unfortunately for me my go to when stressed and down is to drink and no amount of self care was appealing to me it was like a big dark cloud filled into my mind. It started with one night of a few drinks… this turned into almost every day and i wasnt eating so lost alot of weight in a short space of time.
To cut a long story short i ended up speaking to my manager and asking for help with the staffing issues and i said about how i felt also she witnessed the last time i went this way and we dont want this to happen again so they are supporting me with work now though it wont be easy.
Now for me and my drinking problem ive recognised if i carry on ill die i had heart pains after my last session of drinking and i had drunk on minimal food that day ended up very sick and it triggered me back to reality if that makes sense.
So today i went to an aa meeting and broke down i didnt say much but everyone was so lovely and i no longer felt alone ive been once before but didnt keep at it. I will now.
So for anyone who ever thinks having just the one it wont matter you wont go back. Yes you will and its not worth your life and its not living its masking everything and taking away the beauty that can be life itself.
So so proud of you. For me, AA is so much more than support to help me from not to pick up a drink, but those people help me to learn how to cope with and live my life sober. Now I talk to people about my emotions and emotional disturbances LONG before I get to a place of being in front of a drink and it is making me a better person.
You are worth a sober life. Get those women’s phone numbers and use them. And keep coming back. Feel free to reach out to me anytime. You are not alone.
Thanks both im going to a meeting tomorrow aswell as feel i need it.
Ill be getting as many numbers as i can get
Going to be a long road but with the support i have hope
Your back in sobriety and thats wonderful. AA has showed me that i can live a sober life like i never imagined. I can never thank my sponsor enough, but continuing to pass the message and offer help to the next alcoholic that comes thru the door is the best way. When the time is right reach out to another alcoholic thats raises their hand at a meeting offering to be a sponsor! Best wishes!
Oh @Stormy, so glad you’re here. You’re going through so much. It’ll get better. Glad you’re not giving up. Everyone here cares about you. Thanks for sharing what’s been going on.
I could so easily give up but thats not in my nature dispite making so many stupid choices giving up hasnt ever been one of them thankfully!
Its 6am here in the uk im off for a walk shortly before my meeting
Thanks its gonna be a tough but rewarding journey.
Just need to get though each day at a time for now.
My bodys suffering sweating overnight and feels generally like its been in a battle. Chest pains have subsided though so thats good!
That is very good some of the physical ailments are subsidizing. Your right with each day you will get stronger and things will come back to balance. I believe in you and know that everything happens for a reason and we learn and grow with each new day. Taking positive steps everyday will help you find your balance in life giving you every need fulfilled.
Thanks the support here is always amazing. I was quite ashamed and still am but couldnt face reaching out on here at first.
Alcohol is toxic literally ive never enjoyed drinking its just always masked well everything!
How are you doing also?
I know what your going through with feeling shame but truly at the end of the day the support on here is amazing but it’s also just other people just like you and me and what they think and what they say matters so little to me now and it’s not to say I don’t care, I care about everyone on here, I love everyone on here even though I may not like some but when I KNOW IM DOING RIGHT, STAY POSITIVE AND STAYING CLEAN… PSSH if your not with me I’m just gonna leave ya behind bc I’m on a path of greatness and I’m so excited about what’s to come but more importantly I’m so excited about each and everyday Stormy! Each day has been a blessing and truthfully helpful kind recovering addicts will support you in any attempts at recovery bc most of us have been in your shoes I know I have for sure and if you ever need to reach out to someone you always got me, don’t ever feel ashamed at starting over or struggling. This shit is a disease and it’s hard but we can defeat it with honesty open mindedness and willingness! To quote a little AA or NA .
I am doing great tbh, 33 days clean but those are just numbers imo now n days. We all have just today with our sobriety and maybe some better tools with time. I am very happy in my place right now and finding balance even while being alone and I feel blessed about that. Life is what we choose to make out of it no matter what the circumstances and I’m finding positive in everything and trust that my unknown path will be amazing. I’m regaining self worth and self respect back which idk if I ever had tbh and that’s been empowering! I hope you have an amazing walk this morning and a great meeting. Again I’m really proud of you for picking yourself back up and tackling life on life’s terms
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… have a great day 
