I just can’t seem to make sobriety stick. Sure I’ve gotten better and I’m proud of how far I’ve come but still I’m falling short. I go 10 to 14 days then drink even knowing I will hate myself for it. The demon always finds it’s way back and I make up an excuse for why it’s o.k to drink. Yes I’m better than I was when I was drinking everyday but still I want to be able to check in with 30 days, 90 days, years and years not just two weeks then back to starting over. I have never tried AA or any type of program because it terrifies me to open up and admit my problem in front of anyone but I have to do something new because my way is not working I need to surrender completely. In anyone’s opinion what do you feel like AA or other programs do for you, is it the accountability? Just sharing your problems out loud? Or being around people who have a common struggle? I’m really struggling and don’t know what I need to do, but just being better is not good enough I want to give it my all I actually love being sober I look and feel so much better, it should be a no brainer not to have that drink but I get restless and depressed and bam I have it anyway. I really don’t know how to even go about finding a program or meeting, is online an option? I live in a rural town but I’m not far from Memphis,Tn which is a bigger city and probably has lots of options plus I won’t really know anyone and that is a plus for me. Any feedback or just a little encouragement would be much appreciated today, I don’t reach out on here often because I usally get no response. I will make this sobriety stick even though I seem to be take the long way around!!! And today I will be sober
I’m going to tag @MoCatt @Englishd @CaptAZ @ifs @Mephistopheles @RedDragon @Eke
They are all a wealth of knowledge when it comes to AA or SMART recovery. 
This is a post I wrote a while ago about why AA has been so helpful to me. Please feel free to DM me if you want to talk more about it. Honestly, it’s the best thing I ever did.
There are also AA meeting finder apps you can download to your phone for free.
I suggest finding an open discussion meeting and just going in and checking it out. You don’t have to speak or admit any problems to anyone, totally up to you. Everything is optional from where you sit, the kind of coffee you drink or even if you stay the whole time.
AA gave me a blueprint of sobriety, a bunch of people who know what it was like and showed me that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing to lose and everything to gain, give it a shot.
I always said if I keep relapsing I’ll just have to give AA a try. I’m now starting AA. I just had to admit that I CAN’T do this on my own.
What I got/get out of AA:
When I got to AA I just couldn’t keep the drugs and drink down. I had no support system and no idea how to stay sober. Life was not good. Not good at all.
I’ve invested in AA and the 12 steps and the return on my investment has been amazing. I feel like a spiritual millionaire. All I had to do was follow the suggestions and work a thorough and honest program.
@Englishd and @MoCatt already put up the links I was looking for. @Englishd’s can point you to meetings in your area.
There was also this post on meetings and one summarizing the steps that put me over the edge to finally going myself. It’s easily the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
As for your questions I think I find everything there you said: a community, a solution, and something bigger than myself.
I remember even once i was ready to go having a last minute fear/anxiety. What was I afraid of, though? The worst that would happen is that I’d sit in a room for an hour having some coffee, listening to people who’ve been where I’ve been. So I went. It turned out those people were awesome and it wasn’t scary at all.
Addiction is an isolating disease. You need a network and other people who have been through what you have to stay sober. That is why you need A.A. They will love you until you learn to love yourself again. This is why the Big Book has the word “we” 1,102 times in the first 164 pages. I counted them as I was told to do. You want to stay clean, find your people and stick with them. This is my experience and I am coming up on four months in a couple days. It’s taken me almost two years to get here. I’ve never made it this far and it is because this time I surrendered, stopped counting the days and so whatever those who have come before me tell me to. Good luck and don’t drink NO MATTER WHAT
Thank you all so much for the replies and suggestions. I will be looking into them and finding a place to go.
https://smartrecovery.org.uk this will help you locate meetings near you or be able to help you do online meetings at home. Smart recovery is cognitive based and has it’s own workbook to get through, I do also attend AA too, have a home group and the big book, eager to start the twelve steps
Thank you for the link! I found a meeting and I’m going to try it out this week. I never knew they had so many meetings daily and I’m glad because my schedule is always different so it’s nice to have options. I will look into that link as well, I’m finally accepting I’m not miss super hero going to get sober on my own lol.
I thought that too trying to get sober on my own was never working and then I hit every program and meeting that was available to me, good luck and let me know how you get on
I’ve decided to go ahead and go to my first meeting tonight. I had originally planned to wait until Friday but I’m afraid if I wait I will talk myself out of it. It starts at 5:30 so I’ve got 4 hours to mentally pump myself up so that I actually get out of the car and walk inside when I get there!!
I like that. “Find your people and stick with them”. My sponsor always says “you don’t have to run with everybody, but you gotta run with somebody”
Good stuff!
Great plan!! We are here if ya need us 
Hi @Jenni I too was terrified of walking into a meeting. Didn’t want to see anyone I knew or have people judge me. I would suggest going a little early. That way you can find a seat and be comfortable when people start coming in. I found the best people in these rooms. Some cranky ones too. Lol but everyone wanting the same thing. Sobriety. I go to a few meetings all in or around my own town. And yeah sometimes I run into people i know but we’re all there for the same reason. No judgment. They saved my life. Please let us know how it goes.
I was in the same position as you Jenni and found I couldn’t make it past the 2 week mark. Last week I joined a smart recovery meeting and the group were so welcoming and friendly. I felt not so alone in this battle with alcohol and with people who have been and are there with me. It’s early days but I do feel support in person from others (as well as online) who understand what it’s like is a big help
After several rides past the parking lot I pulled in parked and walked in! When I first walked in the room panic hit, I felt like a squirrel out in traffic so I walked out into the hallway to take a deep breath honestly I wanted to run but a lady came out to see if I was ok and invited me back in. I’m glad I went back in and stayed, everyone was very nice towards me and just hearing everyone share their stories with me did so much for me. I felt like in each of those stories was a part I directly related too in some way. I felt comfort in knowing I’m not alone in this and I don’t have to fight this alone. I never have felt a place I truly belong but I had that feeling there, even through the nerves!!! I’m very happy I went and I will definitely go back.