Welcome Winston. I think every one of us here knows that feeling. Where we realize we’ve put ourselves and our loved ones in harm’s way. Where we realize we’ve done something beneath us, something that is less than what we should be doing in life: we realize we put our relationship with our addiction, above our relationship with our loved one.
We feel shame and deep, deep regret.
The good news is you never have to feel that way again. Let me be clear: this is no walk in the park - but if you recognize that you need to divorce alcohol, and replace that relationship with something healthier (a relationship with nature, with healthy friends, with sober supports, with creative interests, etc etc) - if you work that, and make that happen, you never have to feel this ever again.
Here’s a list of reasons why sobriety rocks and kicks ass over anything booze brings us. I love this list; it’s one person’s, but so much applies to everyone. Scroll down a bit:
Here’s a set of resources, books, podcasts, and sobriety groups where you can learn:
Here’s a list of online recovery groups so you can learn and get guidance - and safe places to be when you’re lonely or bored (and I promise you will be):
Get ready to learn. It’s an intense ride and it’s a real no-pain, no-gain thing (sorta like working out). But if you push yourself each day to reach out for help instead of turning to booze, you will make it.