Just want to vent I guess.
This morning I made an appointment with a walking coach. Not to get myself walking, but to get myself talking and hoping to find solutions.
I feel stuck.
I feel disconnected
I feel unsecure
Irritated
And do not know anymore what to do.
I’m to harsh for myself and to others and last but not least I’m a perfectionist and a bit of an controlfreak.
I know I drank that all away to not feel it. But when my recovery is 10 years old with ups and downs I think I’m stuck.
I can not feel and when I do I cannot give it words. Sometimes I just want to scream ore destroy something. And sometimes I just crave that drink (but I won’t).
When my kids are at home (they are grown ups) I feel left out in their coversations with eachother so I keep quiet.
I feel empty and alone, but I’m an expert in hiding that.
So today I made an appointment and told my husband, kids and boss about it.
It’s ok to be not ok!
But I hope I can help myself to feel better
Time to learn how to like myself.
Sounds to me you could benefit from contact with a therapist you have a good ‘click’ with. Or is that what you are doing and I misunderstand? You deserve to be happy C. Just like us all. Big hugs.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and feel alone; I hate feeling isolated amongst everyone, and can definitely understand the frustration that comes from perfectionist tendencies.
Sometimes it is helpful to have an outside perspective on where you might be able to adjust course. I had a therapist work with me on identifying something that I will not do - and then see what happens. There was mental discomfort…and then it was OK; I don’t know what path you’ve been on (aside from it being an awesome 10 year one!!) - but I can imagine that you’ve been working to heal relationships, to hopefully include with yourself?
I’m sorry you are feeling so stuck and disconnected lately. I do hope you had a good session with your walking coach.
I am glad that you let your loved ones know how you are feeling and what you are going through.
i do know how hard it is to feel isolated among your loved ones. Are you possibly also talking with a therapist to help get to the source of these feelings? or possibly join some groups in your area for shared interests?
Here for you friend. Wishing you a day filled with love and joy.
I think I have invest a lot in myself the last years but I’m stuck now. A bit like water flowing but it can’t go further and it overflows.
I hope with help from outside I can get the water moving again.
My relationships with others seem ok, but I still feel lonely. I think over the years my low confidence went even lower. But I invest in working hard and show people I’m a tough lady.
So that’t what people see: a tough woman, harsh and independant, covered with tattoos.
But It’s my wall to hide behind…
Thank you Jasmin, the appointment is at the 22th. But looking forward to it.
I hope I have a click with her and she can help me move forward again. She has a lot of coaching experience.
To get a therapist here in the Netherlands I would have to wait at least a year to see someone. So that’s why I went for this option.
Hope this works out for you, therapy somehow doesn’t do it all for me. In some sense it’s way to analytical. Now I have a coach for my re-integration I’m like, hey this is practical and sticks way better. Walking and talking is also a perfect combination.
Yes, that is what I like about it as well. When you walk you do not look eachother in the eyes and it is much easier to open up. I like to walk, it’s a big part in my recovery so this seems like a good follow up.
I like that explanation about walking. @Rob11 Depends on the therapy and the therapist. Schema therapy helped me in an analytical way, in understanding about myself and people in general. That made me ready to go and do Pesso, a type of therapy much more aimed at getting in touch with our bodies, feelings and emotions, in being entities within this space so to say, and really not analytical at all. Anyways.
I will google on Pesso, never heard of it. But it sounds really interesting. It seems sometimes I cannot feel ore when I do it all comes out and then I freeze.
Or any therapy aimed at our bodies, or the connection between our bodies, mind and brain. I hear good things about somatic experiencing too. I might try that, individually, since I quit my pesso group recently.
Listened to a great podcast about that, I’m on a waiting list for it. But it will take some time, had it during my last treatment. It’s basically the only kind of therapy that seems to work for me. So when I mentioned in my previous reply therapy doesn’t do it all I mean mostly psychotherapy. After the last treatment I luckily know why that’s the case. But of course I’m only writing about my own experience.
I’ve been learning about somatic healing and I think it is worth looking into @SoberWalker because it does bridge that gap between mental and physical healing.
I do hope that you are able to click with her and start working on your own self love and confidence building. You are a tough independent woman but that isn’t all of you … maybe with help you can show your kinder, softer side as well. I know we love the woman we see here and that is who others around you need to see as well.
I am sorry that it takes so long to get a meeting with a therapist. I do hope this walking companion and as well as the other therapy style that Mno mentioned are useful for you.
Disconnection can be a very lonely feeling. Sending you love and hugs to get emerge from this and stuckness (if that’s a word LOL).
I’m looking into somatic therapy too as @RosaCanDo said. I’ve done conventional talk therapy and it was very helpful when I needed it. Now my sadness/trouble/block feels more permanent and trapped in my body. I think I am lacking that mind body connection.
I have played around with Reiki and acupuncture in the past but my goal is to find a bodywork studio that I can try different healing techniques through.
