You described me at one point. What changed? I came here and listened. A lot of advice in the beginning, i thought didnt apply to me…eventually, i realized it did.
Have you thought about joing a recovery program?
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I came here at my absolute rock bottom and in a desperate state thinking i couldnt last even a day…with the help, kindness and compassion of people on here and toward myself im now 68 days sober…it can be done
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I’ve been digusted with myself more times than i can count!! I asked myself the same questions as you. There were times when i just thought I would give up. It was just too hard! But I found this app and these people. Two years ago. Just checking in here. Reading about successes and failures. Reading advice given to others. I don’t really know why. But it worked!! Keep looking. Find what works for you.
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That means you’ve managed 13 days out of 14 without a drink or Cocaine! Well done.
Presumably you haven’t got any left otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling guilty so you only had a tiny bit.
Nobody who has a drink and some coke once a fortnight is addicted to anything so stop beating yourself up and realise no harm done.
I’m not saying fall of the wagon every two weeks mind you.
But your body and mind work on the principle you’ve been clean for 13 days out of 14.
Your liver isn’t dying and youre not hiding under the bed in case imaginary FBI knock down your door while your girlfriend is having an imaginary orgy with all your best friends.
Only your sense of achievement is damaged.
You’re so self-critical, that’s probably the problem in the first place.
If you actually put the emphasis on not criticising yourself youre solving the real problem.
Take care.
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@rsvf you just slipped and thats ok. Pick yourself up and be proud of the 2 weeks you achieved! Put some tools in your bag though to help you from slipping again. Get yourself some help. You can not do this alone. Therapy, GP input, AA/NA meetings, seek advice and support here with us…all things that will make slipping less likely. You can do this one day at a time. You are not alone in this.
Sending you support and encouragement
Ree 
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No need for disgust…relapse is an important part to many sobriety journeys.
Confront your People, Places & Things and Change what needs be. Nothing or Nobody is more important than your Sobriety.
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I dont think there is an it. A destination recovered. Its a day to day thing. I relapsed a lot. We don’t quit, we dust off and push forward learning from the relapse. String the days together. If I can quit drinking anything is possible.
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You haven’t fallen, only stumbled, just get back up and keep going. You can do it! You are on the right track coming here and asking for accountability. And we’re here for you, when you need an ear, just holler 
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Me just about a week ago. So you’re not alone. What I’ve learned from many people here is just take it day by day. It’s good that you can accept the mistake. But don’t beat yourself up too much. I’m on Day 9 and honestly just tired of the whole same routine. I’ve deleted/blocked certain “friends”, deleted all social media. So now when I pick up my phone since it’s a habit I only have this app to go to and I read and helps me remind me why I’ve decided to take this journey. Keep your head up high 2 weeks was still a great achievement.
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Well then tuen that disgust into resolve and seek outside support to help stay away from alcohol and drugs.
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Thank you too everyone. You’re encouragement and advice definitely helped me get through my feelings yesterday. Gonna work on one day at a time.
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You can do it today @rsvf! You made it 2 weeks - you know what to do. You can also try something new. Stock up your fridge with non-alcoholic drinks. Go for a walk. Listen to music. Read on here. Read some quit lit. Take a bubble bath or long shower. Write a gratitude list. Share on the “checking in daily” thread Checking in daily to maintain focus #49. You got this!
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Only you can answer your question. What are you doing now to stay/get sober?
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I quit hanging out with people that did cocaine and it was alot easier than trying to quit while hanging out or around people that did it. When you really want to quit you wont want to be around those people.
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Good for you. Your objective is not the same with those people anymore. My advice to you, as was my advice to myself, is develop new friends. I started by going to meetings, staying very busy. If my urges became too strong, I went for a walk, did deep breathing, became active in some local community groups. I volunteer at a local nursing home and rescued two dogs. My life has changed so much for the better. You can stay clean and sober too. You will never regret it!
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Yes. I did it for about 15 years everyday. And I just didnt want to do it anymore it wasn’t fun anymore. I got rid of all triggers after that and now i dont even think about it.
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We’ve all heard of the study where mice are placed in a cage with water, cocaine water and food. The mice will starve themselves to death with just cocaine water. Introduce sugar water to the same mice and they pick sugar water over cocaine water because of the dopamine hit is better.
@hermitgirl hit on something that is beyond over looked. The established medical community is completely clueless when it comes to gut health and sugar. They just prescribe anti depression meds and never figure out why.
When I first got sober about 120 days ago I craved sugar or carbs non stop. Never really did prior. It’s the dopamine released by alcohol or sugar/carbs your body craves. It can’t tell the difference. Your body is smart in that it knows where the dopamine hit came from. Example, when you eat a certain flavor of ice cream it gives you a dopamine hit and your body remembers where it came from. That’s why you don’t crave cocaine just because you ate ice cream or visa versa.
However it’s still dopamine. About a month in I was really working out hard and thought I’d get on keto and get in really great shape. Well I never craved alcohol so much or in reality the dopamine hit sugar and alcohol gives. So I went back to carbs since I wasn’t missing alcohol eating carbs and sugar. About two weeks ago I decided to get back on keto. The first week I craved alcohol so badly. But after I broke free from dependence on carbs I no longer had any feelings for alcohol or carbs.
Dr Gundry talks about what happens in his books. Here is the second grade moral of the story. You have good gut buddies and bad. The good gut buddies, the ones who build your immune system, your anti depression gut buddies and overall health are basically suppressed by carbs/sugar. Sort of like an algae bloom in a pool. These bad gut buddies that cause depression and dependence on dopamine from sugar/carbs make you hungry and grave more dopamine.
Once you go keto and kill these bad gut buddies because they feed off carbs/sugar/alcohol your body can create anti depression meds naturally (anti depression meds just force the release of anti depression chemicals) build natural immunity and stop things like inflammation. Now that I’m off sugar I don’t crave alcohol or carbs because I broke the dependence on false dopamine. Now I get my dopamine hits from exercise, sex, positive things etc. things that are fairly reliable.
My advice is either start keto a month before going sober or wait at least 90 days AF. My cravings for dopamine were way to strong 0-90 days so I ate ice cream etc so I wouldn’t drink.
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Priority is to stay sober. I ate ice cream and lots of it the first four months. Stayed sober. Lost forty pounds after I got stronger in my sobriety. Hang in there.
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Great experience, wisdom and advice.will be adopting a lot of it to my situation. Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry. Don’t blame yourself, we are all going to stumble and fall on this journey. When you fall u get back up on the horse. If you need to cut those people out of your life then do it, they aren’t helping you, they are hurting you. You are a strong person and you can get through this. If you need to go meeting go, if you just need to talk to someone we are here to help anyway you need us. Keeping fighting for yourself and your sobriety. I’m routing for you and all us.
It’s a new beginning for you grab on to it.
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