Dissociative amnesia sucks and im really sad right now

Emotional Support
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So for context I/we i guess have DID or dissociative identity disorder which used to be called multiple personality disorder, this is related to what im sad about.

Amanda, the “main” part we have is the one who posts on here the most. Some of the child parts have also posted in the past, and I haven’t. Ive kinda been dormant since 2016 and woke up this month. A lot has changed. I was very attached to Jessica (ill link an old post about her) and i just found out she passed away. And we already finished high school, were in college now, and over a year sober. I feel like i woke up from a coma and the world just carried on without me.

Its hard for me to reach out to people cause i dont know anyone in our life now. I was told 2 friends irl know about the other parts/alters but thats it. Being sober is great and im happy for Amanda cause she definitely needed to get sober, and she told me its a mind and body issue so none of us drink at all. I dont really have good copjng skills, drinking was my go to. I dont want to fuck this is recovery thing up but i dont know what to do. Im emotionally devastated that the person i loved so much is gone, im longing for a time and place and people that arent here anymore. Apparently Amanda’s sponsor is really nice and understanding with mental health stuff and shes good to chat with but again i dont jnow any of these friends of hers. Ive made the past few “im sad and wanna relapse” posts of ours cause explaining the DID thing can be hard and it adds a whole layer of mess to everything.

Tldr: im an alter, i just woke up after like 7 years and found out our partner/abuser passed and i miss her a lot, i dont know anyone in our life, and i want to drink but know i shouldn’t, i need advice.

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Im sorry you are sad. Im not too familiar with DID but what youre going thru sounds tough. Yeah Amanda has over a year sober so you dont want to put their sobriety at risk.

You arent alone. We are all here to support you and your other parts in sobriety.

Its tough to find healthy coping skills. What comforts you that isnt harmful?

I talk to a therapist, workout, practice self care, coffee with sober sisters. What do you think would help you to cope without sacrificing Amandas sobriety?

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Ive been playing animal crossing a lot. I used to play cuty folk on the wii but we have a switch so im playing new horizons which has so much more to do. I went on a walk, we moved so i did a little loop around the new neighborhood. Ive got some YouTube videos on in the background while i play video games, im trying to find things i like doing and so far its been nice. And still sober which is good. Im still sad but less.

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That sounds awesome!

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I think it’s beautiful how sensitively you’re going about yourself, your other parts, and your collective sobriety.

Learning new coping skills is going to be the #1 process that will benefit you the most.
Something that has helped me has been learning about neuroscience, because it helps ground my experiences in the body.

Our minds aren’t just ephemeral gobbly gook, they are physical organs that we are just now beginning to get an idea about how they function.
This might be something to save for later on, but there’s a book titled “A General Theory of Love” that quite literally changed my life. It’s written as poetically as possible for a book about neuroscience, and made me cry with relief and understanding many times.

That might be a big ask for right now tho, and also if it doesn’t sound interesting/ doesn’t resonate, no worries at all :relieved::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Trying to find things you like to do is a great way to go about finding new coping skills. Keeping it simple like that, finding enjoyment, is key.

Also, perhaps there might be some form of creation that could benefit you?
It’s scientifically proven that *doing /*making something tangible can really help with giving us a feeling of agency over our lives.

Addiction issues often come from experiencing immense pain and grief, and having no other outlet to process those feelings/ take agency over our lives, so we self medicate.

Playing video games where you build a world / characters / collect things could be a good way to tick that box, but also consider something more physically tangible. Making art in general, even coloring in a coloring book, is a meditative experience, and gives us a sense of accomplishment.

Those are the fundamentals to coping with big feelings.

Even tho you feel you’ve been asleep for a long time, you might learn some really wonderful things that you could share with your alters.

Either way, I hope you are still finding ways to accept your sadness, and bring compassion to yourself. All of you deserve to feel safe and supported.

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Your response is so warm, caring and supportive. I really appreciate you sharing so thoughtfully and thoroughly.

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:relieved::two_hearts: glad it resonated with you. I believe this is what life is all about - sharing and connecting. :purple_heart: I’m grateful to have read your post, because it helps me feel less alone too.

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Thank you. Its been really hard adjusting but the support from you guys and some friends irl has been super helpful.

We own a lot of art stuff so im gonna try and do something with it. Maybe a painting or collage project idk yet

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