Hi there,
my DOC is food. I have identified sugar and high processed food as the stuff I have no controll over, and have now been successfully abstaining from for 23 days.
I am in the midst of peri-menopause, which wreaks havoc on my hormone levels, and leads to all kind of symptoms, including massive food cravings, mood swings and brain fog. Yesterday was a diffictult day.
At dinner I realized that I have been overating the whole day through, and that cheese has been somehow having a “magical” pull on me. I did not feel good. I felt stuffed, uncomfortable. I felt like on a very slippery slope. I decided to take action:
I put cheese - at least temporarily - on my “abstaining from” list.
I decided to put more attention on portion sizes, and be more mindful around food prep and eating.
In the end I did not ingest any of my trigger foods, I did not completely loose control, I did not binge, I did not spend the whole night feeling ill, I did not wake up with a hangover.
On the other hand I felt like I was about to slide into something far worse than overeating on cheese.
Now I am not sure? Do I reset my counter? Where am I right now in my journey?
Any helpful thoughts, ideas, and shared experiences are very much welcome and appreciated.
Hiii ! Not too familiar with food issues however I read your entire post and I would like to say good job ! It really sounds like you are trying. Trying to make changes and truly just trying. Sorry I don’t have any other answers just wanted to say the fact that you are trying is so good already ! Keep it up !!! Happy for
You and all the positive that is on the way !
I feel food is such a gray area, more difficult to draw a line in the sand. With alcohol it’s black or white. But we all need food
Personally I don’t see a reason you should reset, because it didn’t end in a binge and you’re reflecting on it. Maybe see how it goed today? You’re doing great, 23 days!
There are a few threads about food addiction, binge eating, etc. For example Binge eating recovery daily check in thread (Part 2)
I struggled with food (binging and restricting) before alcohol got its claws into me, and then the two were intertwined, I would use the awful hangovers as a way to vomit and restrict for days, then when I got sober I leaned into pure binge eating. I realised how similar the behaviour was, wanting to escape, hiding and feeling guilty etc.
I personally had to try to get off the binge-guilt-restrict-binge cycle. I spent a year focusing on exercise, eating healthy food even if I had binged. Like you I am learning there are certain foods that I can never moderate and just avoid, like I do with booze. It is tricky as with kids and a husband who loves Costco, we have lots of temptation in the house.
I think losing the obsession and guilt around food is key. So if you didn’t binge or feel sick etc, you don’t need to reset your counter imho. You are in the process of learning what works for you, and it will be a lifelong journey probably.
In the end, whether or not you crossed your own line which might warrant a reset on your counter really depends on you. The counter is only for you, in the end. If you genuinely feel that you were heading in a certain direction, but you staved it off, then you may feel that you did a good thing by halting that progression, but maybe you feel like you had already crossed the boundary you set for yourself even if it wasn’t all the way. In which case, you may reset.
In my opinion, a lot of things that we need to work on with addiction are internal drivers, which can be very personal. For myself, I always looked inside to see how I felt about the situation, because the counter was never what really mattered, but whether or not I had a personal triumph or failure in that moment. This requires a lot of self-honesty and putting aside any moral judgement on needing to reset the counter. If I decided that maybe I didn’t “technically” do anything wrong, but I “felt” off about it, then it was a restart in my mind, but more importantly it allows space to examine where things began to fall apart, what led up to it, and how I can improve in the future.
I know that isn’t a direct answer, but I figured that I’d share what my approach has been in case it is useful to you. Best of luck! You can do it!
Many thanks to all of you who read the post, sent encouragement and support, and shared their thoughts on my problem. You all helped me so much through a confusing problem !
In the end I decided NOT to reset my counter.
As @Chiron suggested I went back to the situation and my feelings and really tried to be honest with myself. My first impulse was to reset: You screwed up, you go back to day 1.
And then @Misokatsu’s words came to me, about wanting to escape, hiding and feeling guilty. I realized that this black-and-white-thinking is one of the reasons I am in this situation. Dealing with being human, with things usually being not black-and-white but somewhere inbetween. Accepting that I cannot be perfect, that trying also means feeling awkward and uncomfortable.
And that the fact that I reached out and asked for help is the greatest win here.
!