This year has been my first sober Christmas in many years. In recent years I was so drunk I would forget what people had gifted each other, even whether I’d handed over my own presents to my family or what I’d even got. Bad.
This year I remember it all. In the midst of it I dreamt I was back at home in my flat and I’d bought a bottle of herb schnaps (never a fav of mine) and vodka (definitely a fav of mine) and had started drinking in the morning out of some dread about the day ahead of me, acutely aware that I was throwing my sobriety out the window but still excited and happy to get to be drunk again. And I dreamt simply how my life was just falling apart around me - as it was wont to do when I was still drinking. I drank half the stuff, unstoppably, didn’t manage to go out shopping, prepare a meal, walk my dog, let the electrician in and go look at a new flat for my partner and me. Within hours my flat turned into a rancid place with half eaten mouldy leftovers everywhere, dirt and chaos in all the rooms, me filthy, unable to leave the bed or explain what was happening to me, deeply ashamedly drunk, sheechless, hopeless to find a way out of this state. At the end of the dream in the evening I regretfully poured half the vodka and schnaps down the drain, because I hadn’t manage to finish it all in time, but knew I might buy more the next day, and was thinking of all the days I’d run back into the ground and would have to build up again (136!), unsure how I’d ever manage that again. I woke up crushed, shocked, shameful, super sad and exhausted, the memory of which feeling is still so strong three days later now that I get really sad when I think of it even now.
Anyone else have these intense encounters with their DOC?
Thata because you were actively drinking. These drinking or using dreams occur when we have a serious attempt at sobriety or stopping that particular destructive behaviour as it is in the forefront of our mind. If you were not attempting to not drink again then you won’t dream about it.
I never had drug dreams anything like the ones I’ve experienced these past seven months and that’s in 25 years of using drugs-- because I waint attempting to never use drugs again.simples.
Wow i didnt know about that, where did you get that info from? It seems to make sense… i never had these dreams when i was using a lot but nowadays i have many times dreams about getting or using cocaine, so, according to your info its actually a good thing to have these dreams?
Meaning we are serious about quitting. Interesting.
I havn’t read it is been told it anywhere it just makes perfect sense as it’s never had then until serious attempts at sobriety. I perceive mine as a good thing as long as I’m not feeling and enjoying the hit of drugs in my dream. I read that that can indicate a higher chance of relapse, how much truth there is to that in not sure but it does seem to make sense also.
It all seems to make sense so much that I thought your post was an attempt at sarcasm for a moment.
Haha no, i wasnt being sarcastic!
But i remember in my case i think i ended up relapsing sometimes after these dreams, im not sure. And in my dreams i actually never experienced the high, it was more like dreaming about buying the shit and talking to people related to it.
I dreamt about drugs this night, I spent all my Christmas money on it, took 30 pills and smoked weed fell asleep the went to school then wanted to take even 20 more pills. I hated it I hated that I couldn’t buy headphones with my money I hated I was way too asleep I hated I wasn’t sober. I woke up and my first thought was : How much money do I have left (to possibly buy drugs) but then I realized I’m 18 days sober it was just a dream and I’m really glad it was. Dreams are weird but I’m so happy they exist. Even if I dont know what I always smh learn from them
I am also having such dreams every now and than, only difference: I don’t wake up exhausted or sad but endlessly happy and relieved that it just was a dream
Yeah mine were much the same, I don’t think that I ever got to take the drugs in my dream I was just dreaming of going about buying the drugs.
I’m sure that dream analyzing type people would have something to say about them or what they likely mean but I just think that it’s because we have them on our minds and in our subconscious non stop in the early days.
It’s always a relief when after waking up I realise that it was just a dream. I would only worry if it wasn’t a relief.
I have these dreams all the time. I am currently in an Out Patient program as well as probation so I am tested randomly. In my dreams where I use, I am sad and frustrated that I picked up again. I start to worry about violating probation, getting kicked out of OP. Sometimes I realize I’m dreaming in the dream…then it seems to ok …kind of like a freebie…lol. When I wake up I am beyond relieved. I didnt use and I dont have to start over. Really really relieved. Then I have dreams where the drink or drug is there but I cant seem to make it work or take the drink…something is blocking me …in the dream is very frustrating …but when I wake up it makes more sense.
Yes definitely this. I have this pattern happening to me: when im weak or thinking about the drug, at night i tend to think about it way more. I go to sleep sometimes thinking about how it could be worth to “get high one last time” and i almost accept it. When i wake up in the morning iam so happy that i didnt do anything and think how extremely sad and stupid it would have been to get high the night before. Its a weird feeling, almost like at night i accept using sometimes but in the morning im strong and with my mind clear about being sober is the best decision.
Perhaps this could give you the opportunity to analyze what exactly it is that’s causing you to accept the thought of getting high at that time of night!?
Have your heard of H.A.L.T ? Could it be due to tiredness?
Whatever you do or do not conclude you now at least know that the best course of action any time you have any sort of serious craving is to get to bed clean and sober that night and sleep on it and as you have figured out come morning time you will no longer want to use.
It all builds up your sober muscles my friend.
Yes i think it could be that at the end of the day im more tired and want to “relax” (lol relax on coke). Yes i remember the HALT, i just cant remember what L stands for i think to me it all comes down to accept or not because of my relationship with the family. When everything is going fine with us, i never think about the drug. When things start to go bad, high stress with kids, arguments with wife, pissed at work, etc, thats when i start feeling like sending it all to hell and that being sober isnt worth it if life sucks anyway. Then at night i accept getting high. But even with all the stress and problems in life, in the morning im always serene and supper happy for being sober.
I have the same types of dreams and as others have said, I wake up relieved and honestly, grateful.
To be honest, I’m just happy to be dreaming again! Good dreams, bad dreams…I’ll take it. I never realized at the time, but I didn’t really dream when I was drinking. Now I go to sleep each night excited to see what’s going to happen in tonight’s dreams. I think my brain is trying to process life and trying to build new synapses between my various memories. Yes, heavy drinking is a part of those, so I’m not surprised that those dreams are also in the mix.
I read a book about people with seemigly superhuman memories (“Moonwalking with Einstein”) and it talks about memory being like a tree with many branches that new memories can hang from. Experience, good or bad, builds those branches out and allow you to capture more memories as connections are made and reinforced. That was my interpretation at least, as a non-science guy! Anyway, although these dreams leave me exhausted and emotional, I’m grateful that I have those branches on my memory tree, too.
this is an interesting thread. I remember having some really bizarre dreams where I was drunk when I was still drinking heavily. Most of them seemed to reflect my shame from hiding my drinking from my wife and family. Fear of getting found out, guilt of lying to my wife about how heavily I had really been drinking.
During my final bout of drinking I was going HARD, and was having really twisted nightmares throughout that period. Dreams of living in a burned out house full of garbage and broken furniture, of my wife slipping away into shadowy corridors and not being able to find her again, dreams of getting attacked by dogs in a pitch black room and not being able to get out. They kept on recurring and variating and again I believe they reflected my loss of control over my life and anxiety over the repercussions of my stupid actions.
I’ve now stopped drinking for over 2 months, have been working hard to rebuild my relationship with my wife and family, and the nightmares have stopped. Still anxious about my future but that’s life right?
Drinking dreams are the worst! I remember them feeling so real. I would wake up and be certain that I had thrown away 8 months of sobriety over a vodka cocktail. Thank goodness they are only dreams!
i think to me it all comes down to accept or not because of my relationship with the family. When everything is going fine with us, i never think about the drug. When things start to go bad, high stress with kids, arguments with wife, pissed at work, etc, thats when i start feeling like sending it all to hell and that being sober isnt worth it if life sucks anyway. Then at night i accept getting high. But even with all the stress and problems in life, in the morning im always serene and supper happy for being sober.