I deleted my more recent posts here because they were upsetting to people. I dont want to be a roadblock in anyone’s recovery. So i think its best i dont share.
At least until i can get over the hump so to speak.
Ive been eating some and working out a lot.
And going to meetings and feeling a great deal of emotions.
Feel like im on an island. But maybe its best that way. I cant harm anyone else from my island.
If im honest…
And tw for that. .
Eating or thinking of eating is causing a lot of suicidal thoughts and self harm urges. Especially when im pressured to eat or i have to pretend to be ok with the food presented and then i think…later ill do this or that to make up for it.
Or ill fight urges to sh the rest of the night
Honesty is important. This is a site that has been helpful and important to you for a long time. I know many times helping you feel like you’re not the island.
I hope that there’s some way that you’re able to share and get support when you feel like you need and want it. Here. At your meetings. On your own thread. On others. Always standing by you and wishing you the best. 
I know u mentioned going to meetings, so I thought Id mention the meetings I go to. They are meetings based off the 12 steps (they use the AA Big Book but also have their own 12 step book and workbook based off of the Big Book). Its called Overeaters Anonymous. They call themselves that but its literally for anyone that has an issue with food, eating, and exercise (whether thats restricting, binging, purging, over-exercising etc).
Ive been going for months and find it very helpful. I like that I am able to relate specifically when it comes to food and issues with food and exercise (bcuz I also have issues with exercising to extremes). They have online meetings that are great! Thought Id mention it in case 
Im sorry ur feeling not safe to share here but please know that u CAN share ur thoughts or struggles with me via pm. You can always message me on here and vent or write about anything on ur mind. If u want support or feedback, i can do my best to provide that. If u just want to write, let me know and I wont respond back. Im here for you 
Been a while since I have checked this thread. It’s ok to share here as long as you use TWs or “spoilers” if you’re describing ed behaviors in detail. Recovery wins don’t require any TW or “spoilers” at this time. Just a reminder. 
Also, besides “__ anonymous" meetings you can also try recovery dharma. I recall acromouse discussing it on the binge eating thread, and they mentioned that they did well with it, and it’s not religious in the same way as "__ anonymous” meetings. It’s also free as far as I can tell. 
Tw… brief mention of suicidal/sh thoughts
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If you are having suicidal and/or sh thoughts/plans you may also text 988. I have been there before, so I definitely understand the pain. It will get better, and as our motto states, take it one day at a time. Sending supportive hugs your way.
Thanks hun. I think they’re tired of me at this point. I call, text, and use their chatline semi regularly.
Almost had to reset today. But i made myself eat a granola bar.
Still having a hard time but fighting for normalcy
Grateful that you ate something friend! Its soo important to fuel our bodies
I have got 3 weeks without binging