I have been using the terms codependent & enabling interchangeably, I don’t think that is right. Have any of you been an enabler and not even realized it? What about codependent relationships, are that always “bad”. And what are some differences you have noticed between the two. I’m not looking for Webster a dictionary definition, more if you have ever experienced either side of a codependent relationship or been enabled or an enabler. I am learning some stuff about myself that I don’t think I had realized.
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I know I could get real lengthy on this so I’ll just say. For me, my fiancee and I have a healthy codependent relationship. She has 1 day sober longer than I do. I went to rehab, she didn’t. I attend meetings and she doesn’t but I’ve shared with her everything that I learned/ feel/ heard/seen in the rooms. She shares her thoughts with me too. She knows that her recovery is hers, mine is mine. 4+ yrs we keep working it.
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I think you’ll find this thread started by @Dazercat interesting.
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Thank you for your reply.
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Enabler is giving them money or buying the substance to be obtained even when your not addictive. You essential appease them; to keep them out of trouble. You are making things as easy as possible to continue their lifestyle.
Co-dependency your both thinking you gaining from each other. Their ur best drinking buddy and/or you score with them. There’s a mutual benefit. Doesn’t have to be substance related. When they get drunk, they give you a credit card, or agrees to things they would never agree to sober. In the big scheme of things, there’s healthy and unhealthy conditions to the term. You feed each other energy, for lack of a better term to continue the mutual benefit.
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I can clearly say that enabling is different from co-dependency. One example: When I stopped to join my husband in the evening it changed a lot. First of all I didn’t get drunk, slept better and more, felt ok the next day. Second it cut our communication time down because these was the time we used to talk. Third I was up in the morning desturbing him by doing chores because he slept on the couch.
After nearly three years I can summarize: He drinks less frequent, there is rarely beer in the house “in stock”, we get along better when he doesn’t drink and I do not support anything connected with alcohol, no call in sick, no tidy up, not even bringing an aspirin. As long as I do “my things” I can handle to stand the smell, the mess, the whatever until he fixes it on his own. That contributed to a really better behaviour in general. My experience is: Concentrate on yourself and let others live their life without interference. For me that opened new worlds and most of them I like 
This is totally how I was grasping this concept. In this senecio I am the bad one, like I would buy alcohol, clean up spilt drinks, but also things I felt were normal house hold chores, making dinner, taking care of the dogs, etc. Once I started reading/learning about this I am having a hard time NOT doing these things. I feel rude, I want to do nice things & make my friends life nice but I just kinda stopped doing everything & I feel bad BUT during the last two weeks they have been taking care of themselves. It’s kinda a mind trick.
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