Thanks Jasmine, i appreciate it! It is a journey, like my worst fear is putting my trauma’s on my children, i fight hard to be a good dad and husband. I want 100% honesty with my wife going forward, full transperency as my addiction only strengthens with secrets, we are current, i want to stay current. My phone is properly locked but more importantly, i’m focusing on self care and helping my team.
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I’m glad to see you being so open and honest with your wife. Secrets are deadly and allow our addictions to grow.
you are doing great! Keep up the amazing work 
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2025 processes
“A goal without a plan is just a dream.”
Every single day, understand how my dopamine addict brain works:
- Jump online, surf, not thinking, half working. Feel guilty for not working as i should, regret, work a little, a little focus. End of the Day, questioning if i gave my best.
2025 Process
- Start with a plan, THE NIGHT BEFORE. Give yourself a chance to be focused. Layout clothes the night before, make your lunch the night before. Plan when your going to get online, what you plan to accomplish, send this to yourself in Teams.
*Re-Read atomic habits before 2025 starts.
Let’s get back to “making it easy.” Follow some of his guidelines, every single day.
This is what i want to be in 2025, getting back to journaling again, focusing on self love, selfless behavior, and less mental junk food via social media/youtube. Focus on bettering yourself an those around you. You have it in you. It’s there, it’s just being a dopamine addict effects your process. But i’ve had a glimpse into the man i can become in 2025. I man of virtue, planning, and action. Fight for him, here’s in there.
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*Warning for you. *
Behavior: staying up late gaming.
Issue: self absorbed addict behavior choosing gaming over sleep.
Goal for 12/29/24 - 12/29/25
Choose Sleep over fun, sleep over addiction.
How?
Every single day, check in with the daily self love goals.
NOTE: YOU WILL FEEL THE PULL TO GO DOWN TO THE MAN CAVE DAILY. After putting the boys to sleep, go with your wife, no matter what, be prepared to shut down and sleep by 1030
What do we value in 2025? What type of man do i want to be?
- A man of virtue. What i watch, what i think about, what i do.
- A selfless husband, father, and servant
- A gym rat who cares about what he puts in his body.
- A daily planner who sticks to his goals
- I track everything i put in my body.
- I have open and honest sessions with my therapist.
- I value self love and put Sleep as a top priority.
- I will assess how I’m doing daily, Monday weight-ins, daily check ins.
It’s 230am and I’m still awake. Late night gaming has to die E, let’s be the man we can be proud of, an exhausted mind is too weary to fight the way we need too. Treat that late night having like a setback, let it stay in 2024.
2025 will only provide progression if and only if you value the man you want to become and let your default settings change forever.
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I love this and I know you can make this happen with your support, tools and determination 
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Atomic habit notes for 2025
Habits: reliable solutions to recurring problems. If this, than that.
You get stressed, you play games. You don’t have to think about it.
A habit is just a memory you used to solve a problem in the past.
Que
Craving
Response
Reward
The 4 laws of behavior change
Each law is a lever, when it’s in the right position, things go well.
Que
MAKE IT OBVIOUS
INVERT: MAKE IT INVISIBLE
Craving
MAKE IT ATTRACTIVE
INVERT: MAKE IT UNATTRACTIVE
Response
MAKE IT EASY
INVERT: MAKE IT DIFFICULT
Reward
MAKE IT SATISFYING
INVERT: MAKE IT UNSATISFYING
INVERT TO BREAK A BAD HABIT
YOU WANT CHANGE?
HOW CAN I MAKE IT…
OBVIOUS, MAKE IT ATTRACTIVE, MAKE IT EASY, MAKE IT SATISFYING
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Focus.
It’s so hard for my dopamine addicted brain to focus most days.
There is just so much going on and all i want to do is focus, it’s really a war. I’m 70+ days removed from issues. I feel like an ADD little kid, it’s just so hard to get my brain to focus!!! Extremely frustrating for me.
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Sorry friend! I know this can be super frustrating. Keep working on your recovery with your tools. Sometimes we need to step back and meditate in order to calm our minds so we can focus.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Find some exercises that may help you focus.
Here are some things you can do to help you focus:
- Take breaks
Regular breaks can help prevent burnout by giving your brain time to decompress.
- Reduce distractions
Remove things that might cause interruptions, like keeping your phone in a different room or going offline.
- Exercise
Physical activity can improve brain health and help you focus. Try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise each day.
- Get enough sleep
Getting seven to eight hours of sleep per night can help improve your memory and thinking skills.
- Meditate
Regular meditation can help improve your attention span and mental clarity.
- Listen to music
Slower music at a quiet volume may help improve your concentration.
- Make a schedule
Designate specific times for studying or other activities to help your brain know when to focus and relax.
- Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness involves being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations.
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I know prayers really important to you, say a quick prayer as your mind starts to wander. Ask for help to stay on track and for your mind to stay on wholesome things…
Maybe set up a bible reading schedule for the new year, thats one of my goals for this year 
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Thank you jasmine. I wasnt having cravings, it’s more of my Add brain is so used to getting dopamine from everywhere its like i can’t even think straight some days. Thank you for all those suggestions! The lack of sleep the night before 100% contributed to it! I always appreciation your encouragement!
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Love it. So i 100% should have said a prayer, your absolutely right. Here’s what happens to me.
- As a porn addict, my brain is used to driving in copious amounts of dopamine. Since I’ve cut this out of my life going on 80 days, I’ve added other things to help me, focusing on not being so self absorbed, Bible reading, etc.
- But if i start the day getting any type of stimulation via watching sportscenter, it’s like i can’t focus. I have to start every single day, locked in or IT TAKES HOURS TO FOCUS. Yesterday I was under deadline and i couldn’t think straight. I just got frustrated with myself.
- It’s a long journey, I’ve been fighting 25 years trying to kill this. I finally got things in place to be porn free in 25.
But i thank you so much for the support!
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No addiction is solved overnight you’re right. It takes a long time to detangle our brain from the addictive patterns and relearn new healthy patterns.
Im used to seeing things from the ‘wife’s viewpoint’ as I was in a similar marriage but now Im trying to learn more about it being an addiction, and seeing it from the addicts point of view.
Appreciate your honesty and efforts 
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Couple of things to discuss during therapy:
- Wife’s FOMO (because of my struggle)
- Struggles with Resentment
- imposter syndrome
Haven’t had a visit since Late November so we definitely have some catching up to do today, will be an interesting meeting.
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Note:
- Woke up feeling a bit of disappointment in myself.
The domino effect of
- Kids going to bed late
- Lack of planning for my gym visits
- Lack of planning of my breakfast
- Subsequent 6 lb progress reduced quickly to 3 lbs.
In the grand scheme of things, these are minor issues, but the bigger issue is your default settings at night, be careful of your time management, it’s always been an issue for me. I listen to Atomic habits sometimes just to counter my default settings and keep me thinking about all the training i’ve done on the 4 que’s. Life happens but you have to stay MINDFUL, A GOAL WITHOUT A PLAN IS A DREAM. PLAN YOUR EVENINGS E, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE, PLAN FOR IT, ONLY YOU CAN SINK YOUR OWN SHIP!
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Best.
Therapy.
Session.
Wow. This thing was amazing. There is so much to unpack, i dont even know where to start man.
Top points.
-
We dove deep into my core beliefs. The feeling of Not good enough. We explored 3 things where i’m good enough which spawned super deep conversations man. 2 categories i addressed #1 At work #2 At home with family.
-
There is a difference between Self Development and Self Esteem. I dont need validation from anyone to boost my self esteem. I dont have to earn anyone’s validation to feel good about myself. I have to be good WITH ME. I have to have a balanced view of myself, what i bring to the table, how i feel about me, without the needing to constantly replay how others have felt about me, have said things about me. People will talk, criticize, there nothing wrong with working on yourself, but do not think that Self Development and Self Esteem are one and the same BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT.
-
My wife is not the GOLD STANDARD OF LIVING. She has a standard, we have a standard as a team and a family, but stop trying to get validation from her TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF, TO FEEL ENOUGH. I can make sure she’s “heard” through my actions which also hit her top love language “acts of service” but that doesn’t mean her praise is the end all and be all of my existence. AGAIN, YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD WITH YOU. Do the work, SELF DEVELOPMENT, but keep a healthy level of self esteem along the way. Life is a journey, everyone is in different parts of there journey, we work as a team but dont for a second think that your not good enough.
-
I’ve struggled with folks saying things like, “you know you dont deserve her right, you never do this or that”. It’s ok if they have there bias, that’s on them. But why should there WORDS affect my self esteem? Do you know there insecurities? Do you know what there struggling with? THAT IS NOT MY CONCERN. There words are words, but it doesn’t mean that i need to imagine myself snapping back at this to prove anything because …that’s not important. What’s important is that you have a healthy sense of Self Esteem, Not worthless Not Arrogant/Haughty, but a balanced humble view of self.
This was good stuff. I’m typing these things out because this is a journal i need to re-read alot. Its SELF DEVELOPMENT 101 FOR ME. CAN’T WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK!
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So happy to read this!!! Great that you are back with therapy (sure that break felt super long). Hope you are feeling better now after having such an incredible session.
Yes! This is your journal and it’s great to see how much you are growing. You have some impressive tools and routines set in place. I am so happy for you friend. 
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This reminds me of my own personal journey of healing from toxic shame.
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
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Great therapy session today:
Topic: Forgiveness.
What struck a nerve with me. I’ve been taught forgive and forget my whole life. The forgetting part being impossible, but more like, dont hold it against the person going forward.
Really, forgiveness is an emotional change within me to show compassion to for that person, ON THE INSIDE. It’s me not harboring resentment, shame, or guilt because of another person’s actions. Its me moving forward subconsciously, not allowing that event or just this person’s repeated actions to cause me any internal pain or FEEDBACK LOOP. Instead, on the inside, i will lead with love and empathy for this individual.
This is a 2 parter. We will dive even deeper next week.
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Todays quick therapy recap:
“Perceived Threats”, Submissiveness, Giving Power to thoughts/emotions, learning how to be an observer of emotions and instead of quickly dismissing it, just step back and observe.
Example: The other day you were irritated.
Observe: Why are you irritated?
Easy answer: i want the kids to go to sleep, there not listening, i’m irritated.
Observation: Your allowing there actions to control your emotions. Are you irritated with them, or at yourself for not following a good schedule which will hurt your sleep, which will not allow you to workout in the morning, which will make you grumpy at work, oh and you already have this deadline that’s fast approaching…
There are layers and layers to your irritation.
Observation: It’s more than just, there irritating me, it’s more like, I’M ANXIOUS AND HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON AND THIS IS NOT HELPING!
Thought: Does this mean i need to be irritated? It’s ok to be frustrated, but observe: YOUR BOYS ARE BABIES, AND THEY LOVE YOU. Yes, help them get to sleep, but be thankful there in the building and there happy kids. Let’s not take away from it, let’s embrace what it is regardless of what it’s not.
Perceived Threats: My inlaws, my coworkers, my family, none are these are threats, let’s not give power to anything/anyone. No one can control your emotions/thoughts. Instead, Observe your emtions/thoughts and dont give power to it.
Next week: What are my needs, what are my wife’s needs.
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This is the tough part of recovery:
- When you can’t think straight. When your not having cravings per say, but it’s more like the elephant in the room is just kind of there. My issue at present is not doing a good job taking care of myself. A huge part of me being at like 120 days is prioritizing self love through sleep, exercise, and communication. 2 ouf of 3 aint happening at present.
- The Stress of my job is starting to get at me, i can feel my cortisol levels rising, my need for an outlet, escape.
- I’m fighting to focus. Fighting my brain wanting to complain, pout, and get stimuli.
- Found myself again staring at bodies, nothing inappropriate, but the thoughts have not been great, combined with the show im watching, again not inapproriate, but beautiful people.
Warning: Take a deep breath bro. Be calm. Observe what’s happening to you, and let’s get to planning. Let’s get back to atomic habits and let’s break these issues down into pieces.
Work Stress: Look at what can be delegated and what has to be you. Dont try to do it all yourself, you’ve changed jobs, you dont have to assume all the work yourself.
Personal: Take a break from gaming and the netflix stuff. Let’s focus on others, let’s focus on the kids, the wife.
Dont make the work stuff out for more than what it is. It will get done, just handle what you can.
Remember: Nothing, i mean nothing is more important than my sobriety in 2025. You’ve identified things that can lead to your sobriety being tested, let’s not let anything get in the way of it.
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