Rebuilding my PF Playbook, restocking my tools that helped me get 200 days. I know why i fell, it’s time to get those tools out and rebuild my foundation of what works for me.
Today’s Focus: AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS.
Unhelpful thought: I can’t stand being anxious or alone.
NEW THOUGHT: Being anxious is a little uncomfortable, but i can work through it, it will eventually go away, if i focus on something else.
Unhelpful thought: A LITTLE BIT WONT HURT ME, A LITTLE TASTE/DABLE WONT HURT ME…
NEW THOUGHT: P* is toxic to me, even a little bit will make me sick. One look can lead to a big relapse/consequences and problems.
Unhelpful thought: I had a rough day, i deserve this.
NEW THOUGHT: If i look at p* right now, i will have 2 problems. 1. Looking wont fix how i feel today. 2. I’ll be angry with myself for acting out.
When we choose to act out out of an emotion, we end up with 2 problems.
Unhelpful thought: I slipped, and i’ll never be able to do this. (black/white thinking)
NEW THOUGHT: I’m building skills in the area of weakness, i’ll have to get back on track with this slip. This is valuable data to make my plan stronger.
*the thought is training, building skills, your not going to be perfect, especially if this is an area of weakness, being black/white thinking i can’t do this, is completely false. We experience failure and it feels true, but we need to approach recovery like training and building skills, and when we are committed to making our plan stronger, a slip/relapse can inform us of what to do to make our plan stronger.
Unhelpful thought: It’s not fair other people dont have to have filters or that i have to have a dumb phone.
NEW THOUGHT: everyone has issues, this is my issue. This is a weakness, this is my weakness. They may have weaknesses where i am strong. Stop comparing yourself to others, it’s my issue and it doesnt matter what other people can do.
Unhelpful thought: The idea that my identity is linked to the length of my sobriety. Is my identity/worth proven by a milestone? Should i disqualify the one week, one month free, heck I had 8 months free. Staying stuck is disqualifiying the positive, thinking it’s good, not great.
NEW THOUGHT: A month is a huge step, a week is a huge step. I made it to 8 months free, that’s worthy of celebration!
Unhelpful thought: I shouldn’t have slipups, i shouldn’t make mistakes.
NEW THOUGHT: Mistakes happen and i can learn from them, they reveal holes in my plan and are opportunities for growth. Dont just think about the event, that friday night or that time with your phone, THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE WEEK, WHAT LEAD UP TO THAT? WHAT WERE THOSE AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS YOU WEREN’T AWARE OF THAT LEAD TO THAT NIGHT…THAT CAN INFLUENCE HOW TO MAKE YOUR PLAN STRONGER. a Friday night relapse can be eliminated by mindfullness on wednesday, being connected with our sobriety team, dont even forget to do the work and keep doing the work.
Unhelpful thought: I’M NEVER GOING TO GET ON TRACK. (Catastrophising).
NEW THOUGHT: I can get myself on track, others like me have done this.
Unhelpful work: Recovery work takes up too much time.
NEW THOUGHT: P* hijacks my time and takes what it wants. The cost to do recovery work is minimal compared to the time lost in P* and the heartache that follows, the guilt, the shame. It just takes over everything so you have to do the work.
All these automatic thoughts come to me from time to time, i had a setback, think about the thoughts that came to my head. I think about my constant need for validation, to be seen from others. I think everytime i clinch my stomach and hate my body, that self hatred leads to me self soothing in negative ways. That leads to clicking.
You have to love yourself at all times. Love your body, no matter what phase your in, you have to be all in on self care to move forward and show up everyday for myself and my family. You got up this morning and went to the gym and had a great workout.
Catch these unhelpful thoughts, dont shame yourself or get too mired in black/white thinking, you need to always think about the unhelpful thought that could be holding you back. You can start even anticipating the unhelpful thought.
Love you E. Stay positive and keep up the fight!