Hello all. Celebrating day 12 today, on what feels like a very different journey towards sobriety from all my previous attempts.
I have struggled with alcohol addiction for 3 decades and have made some dreadful and terrifying life choices over the years. I have tried moderation (a definite no no for me, as one was never enough) counselling, therapy, rehab, the AA…pretty much everything that it was suggested I try.
Just before Christmas, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and my first reaction was, OK lets research everything we can and do what we need to do to get you through this and come out the other side. Then…a lightbulb moment. Why have I never actually invested time and energy in finding out everything I absolutely can about my condition? Academic papers, blogs, books, podcasts, anything that looks at the biological, psychological, physical, mental and the whole spectrum of addiction knowledge, that can go some way to breaking down and explaining why I am an addict, and why I have never been able live the life I really want to live, without sabotaging everything.
So, this is how I am spending my energies at the moment, that, and realising that it is so important to have a support network of like-minded folk (I really believe you have to be an addict to understand their struggles and achievements) to engage with. This is my first go at joining online communities, but reading the stories here, I already feel comfortable, and I am excited to learn from you all and hear about your own journeys.
Well you definitely have a great attitude and thats awesome about doing the research, have you come across anything that really stood out, that you would recommend??
Yeah, understanding the reasons behind personal addiction can be really complex, well it certainly is for me anyway, as i have been discovering in therapy, theres not just one,simple straightforward answer…anyway, i would say good luck but i dont think you need it😀
Welcome Samchaw! Glad to have you aboard. Peer support is still my number one sobriety tool for me. And I have found it here in big amounts over the last 5.5. years. As well as knowledge of addiction and how to beat it. For me therapy tackling the issues that lead up to me being an addict int he first place is a third pillar. Trying to build myself a healthy social network outside of addiction is something I’m still working on. Well, recovery is work. But it’s a work of love. You’re doing it. Welcome again, the more the stronger we are. Wishing you all success in breaking addictions back, as well as that of you husband’s cancer. Hugs to you both.
Welcome to the TS family 
I’ve found my sober tribe in this online community. No matter what time of day or night, someone is always here to hear me out.
Hope to see you around 
Thanks so much for your kind words Mno! It really is true that you can’t beat your addiction alone. It does feel great to be working on what feels like a real shift in my relationship with alcohol and staring it straight in the eye and saying “no more, no thanks, not for me”.
Welcome to the forum and congratulations on 12 days!
That moment it clicks is wonderful.
Sorry to hear about your husband i hope he will be ok 
You’ll definitely fit in here and never be alone !
Thanks so much for replying ComplexityQueen! I have just finished reading “The Unexpected Joy of being sober” by Catherine Gray, which was a real game changer for me and has so many great resources to tap into. After reading it, it was the the first time I felt really comfortable making the decision that I can’t and don’t want to pick up a drink again - EVER. I have had all the therapy and counselling, but reading ‘The Chimp Paradox’ by Prof. Steve Peters made me think completely differently about how my actual brain works as an addict, and how to train it to react differently to triggers and stress. I know exactly what you mean when you say addiction is complex, and everyone has their own journey to go on for different reasons, and so glad I am here and can work through them with people like you!
Thanks so much for the welcome and look forward to getting to know you!
Thanks for the welcome. The click moment is astounding and it only took me 30 odd years! It’s so nice to know that there immediate support out there, especially as I live and work in a very remote rural area, so addiction chat with like minded folk is nigh on impossible!
Welcome. I can really relate to that feeling of a switch being flicked and deep down knowing this time is different.
Being content with being done is the key I think.
Absolutely! Such a feeling of freedom knowing that it will all be OK as long as I never pick up that glass, even when my addict brain uses all of it’s persuasive arguments to tell me otherwise!
I love this! “A lightbulb moment” 
I am like this as well - or at least, in the sense that when I want to know what works and what doesn’t, and whatever other info I can find, I dive into the deep end and get into scientific and library databases, scouring the internet for all the reliable information I can find. I get this!
Welcome to Talking Sober 
Welcome to our sometimes crazy always welcoming sober group! You belong.
Welcome samchaw! I would just like to second what Menno said because he hit the nail on the head for me. I was on a hamster wheel for many years thinking that my efforts to cut down/moderate/change strategies/fool myself into thinking I could figure it out alone were getting me somewhere but the results just weren’t showing up. When I found this community and decided to join in it was the single most important tool in my recovery process. We are never alone here and we all come from so many different backgrounds but being peers binds us together. It was like a weight off my shoulders.
I hope you find some kindred spirits here to connect with. I know I have. And I hope the connections you make and the resources you find here help you in your own process. Sending strength and best wishes to you and your husband in his own fight. Looking forward to seeing you around. 
Hi Matt and thanks so much for the welcome! Researching everything we can is a great way of focussing energy. I don’t know about you, but I do have to check myself sometimes. Once I am sober, and just because of the way my brain works (and I haven’t been achieving anything while drinking!), I become a bit obsessed with the need to get everything read, researched, and understood as soon as I can, and have to be careful I don’t start to put myself under pressure, and get over tired mentally. This is something else I have to work on as part of my sobriety!
Hi RosaCanDo and lovely to meet you!
Knowing that I can rant or just share here is such a boost when I am feeling a bit wobbly, or even when I just want to bash out my thoughts to people that get it!
Really looking forward to making new connections and building a recovery group over the next wee while.
@SAMCHAW so lovely to have you here xxx and Im so happy for you! Yes! Our knowledge about what we are dealing with is so important… and showing up here… for ourselves xxx how are you doing today?
I read that Catherine gray book too - I read so much in that book that I identified with, so I read it again
Wow, sorry about your husband. I understand what you said about wanting to know why you sabotage everything. I wonder the same thing about myself. Even if I did know why I did it, would I stop doing it? Do you think that if you learn why you do what you do it would help? This is my first time being on a blog, or whatever this is called. I have been to AA, NA, I’m currently 11 and a half months into a 1 year rehab and I pray so hard to be changed but I’m not sure if I am😔. If there is anything you want to talk about I’m here. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I really felt normal when I read your post and it’s not very often that I feel normal. Thanks for that
Thank you for the book suggestion and welcome to the team!
So proud of you and your 12 days! I’m somewhat doing the same,researching,learning ,even started breathing techniques and meditation. Im on day 33 and im really focused on making this my new lifestyle! Taking care of me so i could be sober and live life. We got this