I noticed - this post was from the start of the weekend, about when you describe your relapse (or at least relapse thinking) starting:
Would you say negative self-talk about your body is something that comes up often in your thoughts?
Is negative self-talk a common early step in previous relapses you’ve experienced? (Is it part of your “relapse ladder”?) How does alcohol, drugs and sex play into that? What deeper, unmet needs are these behaviours masking?
I’m exploring a bit here and please fee free to tell me if I’m off the mark. But you should know: you never have to feel bad about yourself. You never have to feel unworthy. You are a good person. I don’t know what people may have said or done to you before, or what you may have been through - but you are a good person who belongs and you matter. You matter a lot.
You’ve spoken about how addiction has become a problem for you. Can I ask - what are the “steps” that tend to happen for you, on those addiction pathways? The “addiction ladder”. Most of us have regular patterns addictive episodes follow. Charting these out, writing them down, planning some escape routes and people we can turn to for support - this helps us maintain ourselves healthy and balanced.
What are the emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that are part of your “addiction staircase”?
(Obvs if you don’t want to share publicly here no worries. But it is something worth thinking about, and especially for making it work longer term, it is something you’re likely to find very helpful. 
)