So my faith is questionable after losing my little brother, Daniel. He was 28 years old and full of laughter and love. Heard the news this morning, that he was shot. I can’t imagine what my Dad and his wife are going thru right now. I know they are being strong for my brother’s wife. My little brother went to Africa about 5 years ago on a low budget trip for himself and he met a wonderful woman from Uganda that he fell in love with. Well he ended up figuring out how to get his wife a visa a couple of years ago and they have been living with my Dad and his wife saving up for their own house while both going to school. My Dad was in British Columbia when he heard the news and flew up to Anchorage as soon as he could so they could comfort my brother’s wife, who is in shock and checked herself into the ER. I will fly up there tomorrow morning and stay the night with my Dad and his wife along with other half siblings that have flown up today from other states. Well I heard the news this morning and headed straight to a meeting. Hung out with another member of my home group for the afternoon and then had to work today.
Oh Suzanne I’m so sorry for the devastating loss of your younger brother 
Although it must be unfathomable to try and make sense of his loss, I’m glad you have the fellowship to help support you through this truly sad time. You did amazing to get yourself straight to a meeting… my thoughts are with you and your family 
I’m sorry for you’re loss man. I wait for the phone call for my cousin who’s in the streets currently so I can’t imagine the feeling. I’m fairly new to sobriety and working an honest program these days. It’s probably only normal to wonder wtf? What is the point? Where is this higher power now? Or just basic faith I would imagine. According to my third step that I am stuck on because I can turn my will over but scared to turn my life. Anyways I just wanted to share what I read in the basic text it was saying along the lines of when we experience Gut wrenching heartache from the loss of a loved one, divorce, whatever the case is, that this is when we need to trust in our higher power the most. Theres alot of questions I have about why the things that happen in this world according to the literature we just have to let go and let god. Take time to grieve, talk to you’re higher power. In the end all that would make sense to me personally is it’s just a life on life’s terms situation and you’re faith will pull you through. I will pray for you’re strength and you’re family right after this message. Stay blessed in recovery friend.
RIp Daniel
Dear Suz, I feel your loss resonate in me. Your sobriety and your higher power are your greatest assets as you wind through your grief and help your family with theirs.
You will come through this as will your dad, your sister in law and the rest of your family. I still believe that everything is gonna be alright for you.
Oh no! I’m so sorry for your loss, Suzanne!
My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now. Glad to hear you have the fellowship to lean on. Sending you lots of love. 
I’m very sorry for your loss, Suzanne. Another senseless loss of someone well loved. I think it was very smart to go to a meeting for support. Safe travels during this difficult time.
Terrible, heartbreaking news.
Sincere condolences on the sudden loss of your brother.
I don’t know Daniel, but I know you a little and if he was half the human you are, he was AMAZING.
First thing you did was a meeting, you’re faith is not in question, you know unequivocally that you’re better off sober.
Feel the pain, share the pain with your family. Also remember and celebrate his spark with your family, don’t forget to laugh, I wouldn’t be able to think about my brother’s without a few tears of laughter mixed in while remembering what we’d been through and the experiences we shared.
Gone from this world, but forever in our hearts, Daniel, mat he rest in peace.
My condolences for your loss, I’m truly sorry 
I lost my brother eight years ago and I have more faith than I ever did.
Oh hun, so sorry about your brother. It’s so hard to lose one, I know. I’ve had a lot of losses in recovery and have run the gauntlet of raging with hate towards my HP all the way to acceptance. My first instinct was just like yours. Run to a meeting. That alone helped me more than anything. I’m glad you chose to do that and lean on the support we offer. The best way we can honor the memory of a loved one is to not allow their lose to throw us back into the life we worked so hard to escape from. Sending you lots of love and hope.
I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. If this helps though, 2 years ago when my wife and I were trying to have a child we she ended ip having 4 miscarries. Needless to say we both went into a dark place and much like how you feel now I was questioning my faith and attempting to figure out why this was happening. I went to my Mother to just vent and tell her I was angry and wanted answers to why this was happening. Her response stuck with me and I use it to this day. She said “ the more you try to figure out Gods plan the more you will drive yourself crazy”. It stuck with me and at the end of the day I don’t want to sound to Cliche about it but everything happens for a reason. I will say though make sure you get to mourn properly for your brother. Eventually the sadness will turn to happiness with all the memories y’all have together. Stay strong
Oh gosh, Suzanne, I’m SO sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I know words cannot help ease the pain but know that we’re all thinking of you. I’m so glad you reached out to your sobriety network and went to a meeting. I lost my dad unexpectedly in 2019 a few months into my sober curious journey and after I joined the forum. I felt like I lost hope and there was so much despair, especially after losing my mum a couple years prior. I wanted to drink. But after reaching out, I chose not to… for my dad, his memory (he happened to be an alcoholic although didn’t specifically pass from the disease), for my son, and for myself. Reaching out to my sober “virtual friends/community” was a life-saver. Please reach out if you need us. Sending lots of love your way. Xo
How are you today, Suz?
My body is sore and full of grief still, but it helps talking about him. When I flew up to Anchorage to see my Dad, and the rest of the family I was strong. I was able to be there and sit with my sister in law while the detectives came over to interview her. That was so hard to hear her but glad I was able to hear her tell what happened. I drove back down with a fellow from the program and as soon as I got closer to home my shoulders were loosened some and I felt some relief. But I awoke the next day just sor noe, sore all over. I was planning on going to work yesterday, that’s why I went home so early but I was just too sore and hurt I decided to take a few days off of work to grieve, will go back Tues. Today I plan on going to see a couple of my friends.
My dumbass called my ex the other night for comfort and support. I hesitated to do so when I heard the news because I just didn’t want to get hurt again… But eventually I just needed a hug from someone who knew Daniel and who knew me. He drove over right away. I kept him out of my apartment and visited him around the neighborhood for a while but he talked me into letting him go into my place. He helped with tidying up around while I showered and stayed for a bit but I had him leave so I could sleep. The next day I contacted him in the evening like I said I would, he wanted me to go to his place, I told him no that wasn’t a good idea and he proceeded to tell me I just take advantage of the love he has for me and just uses me and that I’m not a good person. I told him right from the get go that I wasn’t going to let my vulnerable state of mind cloud my judgement with him. That I just needed a friend to talk to. Well he kept nagging and nagging about how he thinks I should just move in with him and everything would be ok and that he would just take care of me. But since history repeats itself, I know there will be those anniversary dates where he will be drinking and take his anger out on me. I will not allow that to happen to me anymore, I choose to be a sober single and eventually happy again woman. I don’t have blocked completely but have the notifications turned off on his messages. I wish there was a was a way to have his friendship but t don’t think it’ll ever happen because we had too much love for one another and too much bad stuff happen between the two of us.
That was a very wise choice! I’m sorry to hear that your ex can’t get on board with your motives and wishes. But it seems like dealing with him and thinking about what you really want are ways to get back into the stream of living, to allow the grief to recede before it comes back.
You’re very strong and quite wise. And you’re a good support to your family. Your sobriety, physical and emotional, is serving you well right now.
so much love to send you at this terrible time
I’m doing better, it still hurts sometimes but I realize I have to move on with life and Daniel wouldn’t want me to drink over his death.
My Parents are doing better… Aswell as sister in law. The service will be this week and I will fly up and hit a meeting after the service before flying back home. My Dad is also giving me some of my brothers ashes for a tattoo that Daniel and I talked about getting before Christmas last year. I’m remembering the good times with my brother and letting him live on thru stories and love.
Thanks for checking up on me, it’s much appreciated.