Thanks! I will.
1 Like
Glad I could help you out a little. Check the links I added above. 
1 Like
I just wanted to say an official welcome. Although you’ve been a member for over a month, this is the first time you came out with a little bit of your story. I’m glad. We’re only as sick as our secrets.
I can relate to using fantasy as a way of escape from my current reality. And the shame that it’s rooted in.
I’m wishing you all the best and hope you continue to keep us updated on your journey.
1 Like
I have posted about my addiction before. This isn’t my first time posting about my SA. Just haven’t mentioned my therapist. That is a new development. Thanks for the welcome.
1 Like
I think I remember that you did mention your SA. I just can’t find many of your previous posts.
30 days is a major milestone. That was a good achievement. And milestones have always been real tricky for me. I don’t quite understand it, but this messed up addict monster inside me wants to flare up big time to sabotage any of my milestone victories.
1 Like
I totally self-sabotaged at the 29th day. I feel absolutely horrible inside. I have already hit the reset button in the app. I was so close.
1 Like
From what I gather, with SA you’re in it for the long haul. The behaviour is deeply linked with your unconscious wishes and emotions. More, it seems to me sometimes, than with substance addictions.
Continue on your way, continue with therapy and keep learning about yourself and engaging with yourself every damn day. You’ll get better. It just takes time and work.
1 Like
This is so true to me.
1 Like
I’ve heard of this happening quite a bit. I don’t understand sex addiction as much as alcohol, but I do know that there are many out there regardless of affliction that develop “a thing” for their therapist.
Hello, thank you for sharing. I’m with others here. What you’re going thru with your therapist is quite normal. It would be good to share it with him tho, he’s a professional and trained to deal with this sort of stuff, too. At least I hope so, LOL.
Whether or not you bring up sexual issues in therapy is up to you. Only you know when the time is right and you’re comfortable enough. I highly recommend that you would. I was seeing a therapist bc of another major issue in my life and finally decided to bring up my sexual issues too. One of the best decisions of my life. It wasn’t easy because of shame, guilt and feeling “dirty” but it all changed as we started working through them. I’m a heterosexual woman and my therapist was a woman so it made it easy for me to open up. Personally, I wouldn’t have been able to discuss those topics with a male therapist but that’s not a general rule. It all depends on your working relationship, character chemistry, trust levels etc.
I’ve had a number of therapists along the way and I did develope a strong bond (on my side) with the first therapist I was seeing. She was elderly, very sweet and loving but also firm and fierce. I experienced motherly love in our working relationship. I exposed my deepest fears, hurts, shame and guilt to her and wept a lot. I became very attached to her for a number of months. We discussed it and she understood my situation bc at end of the day, it was text book stuff. Still, she was my favourite person in the world at the time, LOL. Our therapeutic relationship ended when she retired a few years ago. We remain friends (we go to the same church in a small town) but I’m over my slight obsession with her.
Just wanted to share a bit of my story to show you you’re not alone.
3 Likes
I have read this is more common than many people think. I wouldn’t feel bad that you have that feeling. Just don’t let it consume you or act out on it. Remember he is your therapist.
As previously stated I ALWAYS behave appropriately when in sessions. So much that I don’t even think he would believe me if I told him; he would be shocked. I don’t give off the impression I am into him. We talk about my trauma- thats it.
How I feel outside of session never impacts how I interact with him while in session. He can trust me to be mature and reasonable just like I have been so far. I have common sense and know right from wrong. I know my feelings are inappropriate. However, I can’t stop myself from feeling the way I do. What matters is how I respond to them. I come here to vent for example. I
I haven’t done anything inappropriate. If he ever opened the door though, I would definitely run inside, lmfao. I still have some healing to do 
what can I say, lol
I won’t open the door to it though and doubt he will either. So there is nothing to worry about. Fantasy is harmless. I posted because of who I was fantasizing about was unusual.
Actually, based on what everyone has said, what I am experiencing is fairly common. I feel better about it due to all the positive feedback I have received here. Thank you to everyone who has responded. Much love 
1 Like
Yes it is! And many thanks for posting about it, you may have helped others who experience the same. Love and hugs and successful therapy to you.
4 Likes
I have come to realize and accept that this is not true for me. Maybe others can allow their minds to freely race wherever it takes them. But for me, fantasy is a serious building block behavior leading me straight to relapse with porn.
For me, I had to accept that it was simply easier to say, “No,” to fantasy, than to allow it to occur while fighting the urge to take it to the next level.
Yes what you experience Is totally normal, and fairly common like Mno said you opened the doors for others who experience the same feelings but don’t know how to approach it, good on you
You said if the door opens you’d be right in, a therapist or anyone who has a patient/practitioner relationship should and would know the boundaries cause that could be a career destroyer, ethics committee would fleece the man for sure
I applaud you for opening up about your experiences it can’t be easy.
1 Like
We are not the same people. I hear you saying fantasy is hard for (you). Thank you for sharing about (yourself). In my post I am sharing about (myself). (My) personal thoughts, feelings, and opinions. You don’t have to agree with me.
There is not a right or wrong answer about fantasy. Everyone is individuals. No two people with an addiction are exactly alike. I stand by fantasy is harmless for myself. Fantasy is not bad. It is how you respond to it.
I have been single for a decade; I haven’t had sex in that timeframe either. I am in my thirties and antisocial. I am going to have fantasies periodically. I think it is healthy. It means I am still human and longing for connection. That is how I view my relationship with fantasy.
I think everyone has fantasies from time to time. For me just because I have a fantasy doesn’t mean I will turn to my (SA). Sometimes I just fantasize. It is an escape that doesn’t have to turn toxic all the time.
My issue was not fantasizing. It was who I was fantasizing about. A guy I met and like is different than it being my current therapist. Thoughts about him I want to shutdown. Thoughts about a movie star or my neighbor I feel better about. I think it kind of freaked me out that it is my therapist.
If fantasizing is an issue (for you) then you should address it the best way you know how. I hope you find support here. You do whatever you need to do to remain sober. I have found support and will continue to share here. I hope you post too. People want to help me remain sober here; it feels good. It is a really supportive community. Thanks for sharing.
1 Like
He is super professional so I don’t think he would. My post is about (me) not my therapist. My post is about my (SA) not me literally acting it out. Yes, if he opens the door I will accept but that is highly unlikely. He is above board. My post wasn’t implying he would. He is a great professional therapist.
I have a (SA) combined with just regular human loneliness. I don’t think all of what I am feeling can be blamed on my (SA). I think I am human and long for companionship. No, my therapist should not provide that outside of a professional bounds.
Since I struggle with (SA) it makes it easier to feel what I do. He is attractive and I genuinely like him as a person. I think those things add to how I feel. I really need to make friends and get out more; something he encourages me to do. I would still think he is handsome because he is LOL
I hope it does help others. I never thought about that until people started saying that. It makes me glad I shared if it can help others. I think everyone that shared something thoughtful will help those people too.
This is a very supportive community overall. I like we all come together to help each other through this thing called addiction. It is not always pleasant having an addiction/relapse but I have found with support it makes this sobriety journey a little easier. I appreciate your response.
1 Like
I see your point. We’re not all going to be on the same path to recovery. Do what works for you. I’m glad you’re finding the support here helpful. I find the support here helpful to me as well
1 Like
Thank you, Kevin. Yeah, it reminds me that I am seeking connection. Porn and masterbation isn’t what I really want. For most addictions there is something else going on that fuels it. I want to be clear that I don’t condone acting out on (SA).
I think for some people, not everyone, there is a root cause. A need not being fulfilled. Addictions usually take the place of problems we are trying to avoid or an unmet need we want fulfilled.
I think I need to push myself to get out and meet people. I tried dating sites but without luck. I am socially akward and don’t have a lot going for myself. I don’t see why anyone would want me to be their partner. I live a sad and extremely lonely existence.
I think my fantasies humanize me. I don’t know if I will ever have the life I want but sometimes I can imagine. I can imagine being wanted. Sexualized fantasies are usually risky for people who suffer from (SA). I don’t want to diminish your experience or invalidate it. For me I enjoy the escape as long as I don’t relapse. It helps me, in a weird way, connect to a part of me often surpressed.
I did just relapse to my shame and embarrassment. My fantasies usually are separate from my real life. My therapist is a real person though, who I see weekly; sometimes twice a week. He isn’t a guy in a porno. He isn’t some distant guy I have a crush on. For some reason this intensified it. He is real… not a fantasy. It made it hard not to engage in my (SA).
He is nearby when I need him. I see him, can smell his scent, enjoy his smile, glaze into his eyes for 1-2 hrs a week. This is beyond my usual dabbling with fantasy. I know it is not appropriate. I tried to shut down sexualized thoughts about him. Some guy I don’t know is easier to fantasize about and maintain my sobriety than a man I meet with frequently I found out, lol
I definitely think taking proactive steps to get my need met in reality would be better than just fantasizing about being with someone I am not with. No matter how much I feel isolated and invisible there is still a desire in me for romance, dating, having a partner. If I can’t manifest the partner I desire right now, fantasy may be all I have to connect with what it feels like to be wanted, desired, ect
It is sn outlet to feel good when I usually feel bad about myself. I want to work on turning my fantasies into reality through healthy sexuality in a monogamous long-term romantic relationship. That is what I truly want- not my (SA).
Some of my (SA) is also triggered by wanting to escape in general. Sometimes I think it is better for me to check out sometimes to get a break from my miserable existence. What I don’t want to happen is I start to watch porn or masturbating again. For some reason I usually have a grasp on fantasy enough that I don’t allow it to led me back into relapse.
I commend you for sharing your experience, what works, and what doesn’t work for you. I think most who struggle with (SA) feel the way you do about having boundaries. You have to safeguard your sobriety at all cost. If fantasy is a struggle for you that leads to relapse please don’t do it. I support your sobriety. Thank you for sharing.
2 Likes
This sentence kind of points to shame. Toxic shame. This idea that I’m an unlovable, worthless person. And it’s such a destructive, horrible root of mine. It’s far more destructive than my porn addiction.
2 Likes