Hello, I came on here a year ago as I was having problems that were being started by alcohol, I thought I had it under control, but now I think I may need some help? I have always been a binge drinker, but I started working in a bar 2 years ago and now I think I may have a problem with alcohol. My friend works at the bar and we have been drinking a lot when we work together, I have nearly lost my job twice due to being drunk at work and am on a final warning. I don´t drink everyday, so know I´m not an alcoholic, but a few times a week I still sneak off and drink and can´t stop once I start. I have put myself in lots of risky situations, obviously am risking my job and have split up from my husband twice due to drinking. he has taken me back, but I still keep drinking and yesterday I got so drunk at work and then carried on drinking after work until I blacked out, I haven´t been to work today as it was my day off, but don´t know what I will face tomorrow, i.e. did anyone notice I was drunk, did anyone see me drining outside work etc. I also keep doing stupid things, like going onto hook-up sites looking for sex, even though i do love my husband. I feel so low and ashamed and don´t really know what to do. I keep getting to this point and saying I am not going to drink anymore, but then as soon as the shame has warn off, I go back to drinking again. What can I do to stop this disructive behaviour?
The only way I could stop drinking once and for all. And it’s so worth it. I was in the restaurant and bar business all my life. Anyway the only way I could do it was to get help and support from others that knew what I was going through. I’m an alcoholic and once I have a drink I cannot stop. And I’ll always be an alcoholic.
This is the insanity of addiction. It has happened to me many times. Before i got clean, I used to feel awful, guilty, and shameful, which would help me quit for a short while. But then as soon as i started to feel better, i would end up using again, and the cycle continues. Sounds like alot of whats happenning to u is due to drinking. So the first thing would be to not pick up a drink. It seems difficult but is certainly not impossible.
What helped me to get past this cycle was to write down in full, raw detail the consequences of my drinking. All the horrible things that happen when i drink. I needed that reminder. Then i would write down my reasons for quitting and the things i want for myself as a clean and sober woman. I would read these daily, especially when i had a craving to use.
I also would stay connected to a support system every single day. For me that was this forum and 12 step meetings (online and in person). I would immerse myself in recovery literature as well. Things like Daily Reflections, the Big Book of AA, self help books etc. Wr must put in the work daily. Addiction doesnt take a day off, so neither should we 
Maybe develop a plan of action for ur day so u dont have idle time to think about urges. Hope this helps
People who aren’t alcoholics don’t do this.
Personally I found it easier to get sober knowing I was an alcoholic. There’s never been any doubt with me. I cannot drink safely. Ever.
If you don’t think you’re an alcoholic you will always have that thought that someday you can drink again. But I can smash that illusion for you right now. You will never be able to drink safely or responsibly ever again. Now that you can be sure of this you can star your path to recovery
This!
What you are describing is addictive behaviour. Even if you aren’t drinking daily, even if you don’t have withdrawal symptoms like the shakes. Hiding, not being able to stop once you start, keeping drinking even after negative consequences are all things that people who have a healthy relationship with alcohol don’t do. The hamster wheel of trying to control it, failing, shame, drinking and starting the cycle again won’t stop. Just get off the wheel.
Even if you don’t feel you are an alcoholic, read the literature, try an online meeting. Listen for what resonates with you and take what helps you.
Below is a link to a great thread
What’s YOUR plan?