I didn’t even know I was actually an alcoholic until I was forced to quit after a manic depressive diagnosis put me on meds too harmful to risk a drink. I was led to believe alcoholics spent their rent checks on their drink of choice. I was told that real alcoholics drink bottles and bottles every day. I was taught that, if I had the ability to go a day without, then it wasn’t a real problem. No one told me that I would be able to put it down, but that it would cause a serious problem with my ability to cope with every day life.
I am three years, four months, and five days sober and I still think about alcohol almost daily. It was my release, my way to be myself without the anxiety, and now I feel a little lost. Worse than all of that, I feel like I don’t really belong here because so many people have it so much harder than I do. I feel like I’m not a real alcoholic because I’ve managed to stay sober this long.
One of the more difficult aspects of recovery is breaking up with alcohol.
Many of us have Stockholm syndrome, with us siding with our abusive captor for far too long.
Considered work is needed to see the relationship for what it was, is, and always will be. Change that relationship and your thoughts around alcohol will likely change too. It takes time and effort, but the change is lasting and profound.
Alcohol abuse isn’t about anyone else but you. That’s like saying the guy with melanoma doesn’t have cancer because the guy down the road has a terminal brain tumour.
I still consider myself an alcoholic even though I was able to stop for days or months with no problem in the past.
I’m now 3 years sober and no longer think about alcohol on a daily basis. I have learned to cope with my emotions by going to AA and working a program. I can honestly say the obsession has been lifted.
I have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. If I find myself falling off the spiritual beam, I go back to basics. It’s very rare and usually doesn’t last more than a day.
I also find helping others who are struggling definitely helps me more than it does them.
Welcome Brittany.
Congratulations on your
3Y. 4M. 5D. Sober. That’s a nice number. 345. I just reached my 1000 days the other day. All thanks to this App and my daily gratitude practice and my knowledge of addiction that I learned from my children. And their rehabs at countless family weeks. I still struggle with codependency. My wife still drinks. Every day.
Anyway…… I’m not sure what the definition of an alcoholic is. I do know that after drinking for 45 years I was addicted to my booze. I never lost a job or ruined a marriage or dui etc…… and I’m retired. Parents are dead not so many stressors these days. And sometimes I think I have it easier than others getting sober. I also realize it’s not a contest. And frankly it’s possibly harder for me in way where I’m retired and could spend the rest of my years drinking. My wife sure as hell is.
I don’t know…… I can definitely relate to what you’re saying. Sometimes I think I don’t belong here. Except, I’ve made a lot of friends on this app. I hate addiction. And helping others out helps keep me sober. Thankfully I don’t really think about drinking anymore. I think about my wife’s drinking all the time. So I’m going to Al-Anon. And it’s working for me.
Thanks for your share. I think it’s a good one. I definitely get what you mean. But I would not call us frauds. I bet if we had just one drink we’d be back letting our next drink control our lives. So maybe we are alcoholics.
I hope you can find what you’re looking for. This is a great nonjudgmental, sober community no matter how bad or how easy it is for ya.
ODAAT
I hope to see you around.
You’re over three years sober and you haven’t revised those old, incorrect beliefs you were “told” and “led to believe”? When I got sober, I did nothing but read and listen for the first year. I got comfortable knowing im an alkie of the garden variety, like so many others, all slightly differently presenting but the same at heart, and that it’s the function alc had in my life, the function and need I created for it it, that made me dependent on it.
I don’t feel like a fraud. And I think if you took responsibility for your beliefs and your knowledge and self knowledge, you’d feel less like one too. Much of your post is written from the perspective of others who told you things or gave you things. I wonder if you maybe need to find yourself more the active subject and less the object in your life, take control and responsibility. If I’m way off, just ignore me. It’s just the impression I get.
I wish you well. Glad you’re here and sober. I think you can contribute to this place.
My sobriety just happened. I was with an abusive partner who told me I needed the medication more than the alcohol (despite the fact that she coerced me into drinking all of the time) and I didnt really allow myself to be surrounded with support because I felt like my situation wasn’t bad enough to warrant it, and most of my family didn’t think “two drinks a day” (despite the fact that I split those drinks 90/10 with alcohol and went through about a bottle of vodka a day as well as 4 or 5 bottles of wine per week) was a very big problem. My partner would just tell me not to think about it or suggest we cook something - replacing my alcohol addiction with food. I dont know. I’m so anxious - about making phone calls, being in public, playing dnd with really close friends… I feel like I can’t do any of those things without the mask of intoxication.
I appreciate that blunt candor more than I can say and I think you’re right. I struggle so much with assertiveness and self-esteem that, for the longest time, I didn’t believe my own thoughts and opinions over what was laid out in front of me by the people who raised me and the people I chose to surround myself with. I’m in therapy and I’m working on confidence and countering my negative thoughts. I really appreciate your perspective and honesty and it actually helps to know someone in a kind of similar situation doesn’t think I need to feel like one.
I’m sorry your wife is going down that road, and I’m even more sorry that you’re forced to be a daily witness to it. I’m so proud of you for your 1000 day sobriety! You are a badass. I’m not even 45 years old so I can’t imagine struggling for that long. I’m happy you have found a way to remain sober through connections with others and going to meetings. I’ve been considering it, but I didn’t want others to think what I think about myself - that my problem wasn’t that bad and I dont belong there. You seem like a great person to consider an ally and a friend. I will be here and I’m around if you need anyone else to talk to.
Spirituality and faith are other things I seriously struggle with so I’ve never been comfortable with AA specifically. I’m so glad it’s working for you! I appreciate your kind words
Mine didn’t.
Guess that’s why our common clean time, I don’t sound like the victim. Or think about alcohol daily. Or have sad puppy eyes like in your profile pic…
And I didn’t mean that in a wrong way.
But there is a difference between not drinking, and recovering.
Hallmark of somebody with addiction problems. Alcohol makes us believe we can’t cope without it. While the truth is alcohol (or any addictive substance) is actually the agent that makes us anxious, makes us turn in to ourselves, hide, repress, take flight, makes us hate ourselves, robs us of our self-esteem, self-worth, self-trust, our dignity.
I’m glad you’re here Brittany. We can’t fight this alone, we need each other. Together we can do this. IMHO AA is useful because it’s a community of peers helping each other. Luckily there are many more communities of folks helping each other (while helping themselves) these days. This place is my sober community. But there’s also Buddhist recovery, SMART (scientific, evidence based), and many more.
You might want to take a look at this thread:
Might be helpful. Welcome to this community anyhow, great to have you aboard!
My profile picture is from work. I had gotten rained on that night and ended up working in the 30 degree cooler. That was a good night. A joking selfie I sent to my wife. It WAS attached to a good memory.
Hi! Welcome to the forum!! I don’t know if you’re an alcoholic, but I don’t see a fraud, I see a successful person who has been a bit of a “Dry drunk.” as an incurable optimist I want to point out that most dry drunks only last a month or two before they succumb to their addiction, so Kudos on white-knuckling it for this long!! you are definitely stronger than me. I can’t help but imagine how powerfully successful such a mind could be if you actually had the tools for recovery and ways to free yourself from the hindering weight of basically still active addiction!
I hope you stick around to show us all your success! take care
And their rehabs 
