So I’m a little over my 100 days! Been doing okay.
One question I have is why do I always feel like picking up a drink anytime I get into any disagreements with family, friends, significant other.
Like anytime my boyfriend, friends, family or anyone I am not seeing eye to eye with on something and we have an argument even if it’s that smallest thing I get annoyed soooo easily, and I just feel like saying screw it and picking up a drink because I don’t feel like dealing with the bs.
I am not sure why I feel like this every time?
If so how did you overcome this or what helps.
Because there has been a couple times I almost slipped up and drank. Like to a point, where one time left my house after an argument with my bf bought a drink and sat in my car for hours and literally just stared at the drink for a long time. I am embarrassed to say I even opened it and smelt it.
Obviously, I DID NOT drink it.
Just asking for help or tips?
Does anyone else experience this?
It’s not abnormal, first of all. You may have only ever coped with heightened emotions and difficult stuff with other people in your life by drinking to numb and forget. It helped me, first of all, to learn about and be able to label what I’m actually feeling. Is it anger? Frustration? Like you’re not being heard or listened to? Taking a step back to understand what you’re actually feeling is a start. I also had to find other ways to cope with the stress of these heightened emotions. Feel like a drink? How bout a really hot or cold shower? A rage/calming/energetic walk listening to music? Screaming into a pillow or punching it or a punching bag? Time to try new things when you’re feeling the feels and find some new outlets.
I use their meditations all the time when I need to quiet my mind. Meditative or breathing exercises could help you, too. All in all it takes practice to go from instant gratification that comes from numbing with alcohol to using other tools. You can find what works for you. I know you can!
And somehow I missed your 100 days! You are doing so awesome!!! Hope you are proud of yourself.
I felt this way A LOT in early recovery. Actually probably my first 6 months of clean time I felt that urge to use over the smallest things. Any time i felt stress or got into an argument, my first reaction was to want to use drugs.
When weve been using/drinking for so long, its natural for us to want to turn to that coping skill, no matter how unhealthy it is. The trick is to build new pathways in our brain. So when u have an argument, do something else thats healthier to cope. Maybe its go for a walk, or exercise, or having a hot shower to destress etc. The more u do that new healthier coping skill, the less u are reinforcing that old behaviour of wanting a drink. If that makes sense. Now… i rarely feel like using over stress or conflict. Ita not my first thought anymore. And that will happen for u too.
Im grateful that u havent drank and that instead ur reaching out for help. Thats huge! Proud of u for ur sober time!
Hi there. Congratulations on being sober, first off.
I have been sober now for two years and 14 days. It’s been a long journey so far. I understand completely where you’re coming from as far as your triggers go and the overwhelming desire to drink the problems away. To just go numb. The thing about that is that the problem will still be there but you’ll be dealing with them with a hangover. They don’t go away just because you do momentarily. Feeling those raw emotions suck but trust me when I say, it is a pathway to a better life.
Currently my husband of 26 years revealed to me through violence that he actually did not stop drinking like he said he had or smoking. He is not allowed to have any contact with me for four months. He went to jail, decided it would be a good idea to drink before he turned himself in so on top of the assault four charge, he got a DUI. I don’t know if you know anything about that, but it’s a very expensive thing to go through.
I had a full liver transplant 11 months ago as I had cirrhosis of the liver from drinking and then I got liver cancer as God‘s way of punctuating that I needed to quit drinking. I had tried quitting many times, but like you, every time turmoil hit my life or I had a bad day I wanted to reach for a bottle of wine. I almost lost my life to drinking. I was within a day of dying and a liver came an hour after the doctor told my family to say goodbye to me. The disease got me so bad that it almost took my life even though I had tried many times to quit. Turmoil hit my life and I hit the bottle. Now, with being separated from my husband, because of his drinking and hurting me, it gives me all the more reason to stay away from drinking; as if the loss of life (my new liver I got from someone dying) that it took for me to live isn’t certainly reason enough, I now have to fight for my 26 year marriage and try to help my husband beat the demon that’s alcohol.
Alcohol doesn’t care about you. You have to care about you. try to remember that when turmoil hits.
What I do when an urge hits really bad is I tell myself to wait five minutes and then, when five minutes is up I say- another five minutes and I get busy doing other things and pretty soon that overpowering urge is in my rearview mirror. It is one moment at a time, one urge at a time, and one day at a time.
You are stronger than you may think you are. Call on your higher power, whomever/whatever that may be. You will find peace in your decision to stay sober and you’ll get hungry for the way it makes you feel healthier and living with more clarity.
I believe in you, and I know that you can have the kind of life that you envision. Keep up the good work!
Old habits are hard to break. You recognize the issue so that’s good, now to develop new tools to help you cope with those situations.
What helped me was realizing that part of the desire to pick up was out of spite, so I could say, “look what you made me do”. That reason for picking up is just silly.
Also taking a step back and thinking about the situation, “am I wrong? Could I be wrong? If so, why am I feeling this way?”
Time outs, going for a walk, and meditation helps too.
It takes practice and the more you practice, the better you get. Just don’t pick up and continue practicing the tools that work for you!
Congratulations on your hundred days Lys.
I was pissed off and angry at everyone and everything for quite awhile. It wasn’t them. It was me. I didn’t have that false liquid courage to back me up. But I also knew I have never had just one drink and getting loaded is never the answer.
Leave!!
Put on some music and go for a power walk!! I use to put on some angry gangsta rap hip hop whatever y’all call it and walk my ass off til I was exhausted. Eminem and I got very close in those days. Then a long hot shower. Maybe cry it out. Let those feelings out. Trouble for me was I didn’t know what those feelings were. I had been numbing them for so long.
I’ve also learned I do not have to attend every argument I’m invited to. I’ve learned not to pick up the rope.
Coming on here and venting is also a good tool. Good for you.
And congratulations again on that hundred ODAATs.
Hello Lys, our habits and way to manage problems can trick us, I did the thing about staring, smell it, and have it on my mouth with a cigarette a few days without lighting it, but I know it wont be worth it and mostly, it will not change not even the smallest thing. 100 days sounds like a hell of a ride, so be proud of it, i am proud of my 14 days without nicotine
Smelling the drink and not having it shows your will power is working for you not against being sober.
The brain when you have a bad moment/day still remembers the drinking days which didn’t help at all just made you drink more.
You’re doing so well stay strong
Its no surprise that when difficulties come up you want to go to your old way of coping with things…its what youve trained your brain to do. Getting booze and smelling it etc is torturing yourself…draw a line under your drinking days…that way of coping is just not an option for you anymore…find other ways of coping and eventually they will become your new normal. Your doing great, sending love
They say the hardest place to practice a good programme of recovery is in the home…relationships are where we are tested the most. Thinking about drinking is normal for anyone with prior dependancy, its certainly something i have a first thought about when im wanting to escape something as it was always my go to escape mechanism.
Our basic need for love, belonging and power are always tested in relationships. We like to feel like we have some aspect of control in terms of having our needs met. The people closest to us in generel are the ones we expect to meet those needs most. When that doesnt happen, a disagreement that leaves you feeling angry or a small aspect of rejection like the word no from someone close is enough to feed into a feeling of lack of control. As addicts we tend to use people before substances in our behaviours to get what we are needing in that moment.
So i suppose by being aware of whats going on for you, choosing to accept the feelings and change the behaviour after the event you are taking control of the situation in a more positive and recovery focused way. Its completely normal to feel like this in early revovery so well done for acknowledging it and being honest about it.
Some years ago, before I got sober, I went to inpatient rehab. They had a family day and one of the exercises was me sitting in a chair in the center of the chow hall, all the patients and their families gathered around, and my wife reciting all the things I’d done and how they impacted her. When she was through, the counselor asked for my reaction. In front of maybe 200 people I felt pressure to answer right away. And the first words out of my mouth? “I don’t know. I really want a beer right now.”
Thank you for the link greatly appreciated!
I like how you said it really making me look from a different perspective and taking a step back and asking myself those things might help I’ll give it a try next time I feel that way! Yes I am proud I’ve made it this far and excited to keep going just been a hard journey and it is still very early!!!
Thanks for the love and support you always give me!
I downloaded that app so I’ll give it a try
Your words were really helpful and made me feel less alone. I’m glad I have people that know what I’m going through, it helps me so much to just talk about it.
Also, It makes sense about my coping skills you brought up and I’m going to try different things and see what works! I can’t wait for a day I don’t think about it during any small inconvenience.
Thank you
Wow, you words and your story is truly inspiring.
First off, I’m so sorry with how much you have gone through and I look up to you in the sense that you have been through so much and still picked the path of sobriety. Like, wow you seem so strong and I’m proud of you too. I do know what it’s like to get a DUI and it does suck and is super expensive. I honestly would’ve stopped drinking and I knew that after my DUI in 2019. But I didn’t it only got worse and I kept putting myself into danger and car crashes or just getting into trouble. I do like your point of view when you said the problems don’t go away when you drink they only numb them for the time being and then you have to deal with them again but hungover. I like that a lot because being hungover was my least fav part of drinking. I have medically diagnosed severe anxiety and the next day of drinking made it so bad I’d have panic attacks that send me to the ER. I never really took care of myself while drinking as I was essentially just hiding my whole life behind a bottle. I had someone close to my family go through that and almost died from being an alcoholic and seeing him go through that was terrifying. He also got the blessing of getting a liver transplant and since then he hasn’t drank and I look up to him for that and pray he never slips up again. Sobriety has thought me a different version of myself (a healthier version) that I honestly didn’t know even existed. But, I’m being honest that it’s still early on for me it has been so so hard. I think this honestly has been the hardest thing I’ve felt with in my entire life.
I appreciate you for sharing your story and supporting me through mine!
Thank you and I hope all keeps going well for you!
Yes, old habits are really hard to break for sure and I’m still so early in and have a long way to go but I’m taking it as each day goes. Doing my best. I just don’t want to slip up one day and fall into the cravings.
It’s funny you mentioned how you do it out of spite, because I 100% do that. I have even said it during and argument “you’ll be the reason I pick up a drink again”
I felt so bad as I let my anger get to me. When that’s not the case they are the reason but when I’m in those moments I notice I tend to put the blame on others than I would take accountability and that’s something I have to work on too.
Thank you for supporting me and sharing your thoughts and helping me look at it from a different perspective!
Yeah that’s one thing I noticed is I have a short temper with everything and I’m hoping it passes. It scares me because I think to myself is this who I am and it’ll never change. I want to be better I really do. That’s crazy you mention Eminem because I listen to him a lot too when I’m raging. I cry a lot too when I’m made because it’s almost like so many waves of emotions and I don’t know how to control them. I’m trying though.
I do like coming in here and just venting on my days that I feel are hard because everyone in here gives me the strength and courage to keep it up.
So, thank you for sharing some tips and being here for me 🩵
Yeah the smelling it and staring at it I am ashamed of and have no idea why I have done it. It’s like I’m obsessed and haven’t yet been able to get it out of my mind. I still think about it a lot. It’s gotten easier but also not if that makes sense. I just take it day by day and try not to stress on the whole future of being sober because that can get overwhelming.
Congrats btw on 14 days you got this. I found this app is so helpful and has stopped me from caving many times. The people are amazing in here!
Keep going
Yeah I was ashamed of myself for doing that but the silver lining is that at least I didn’t drink it and you’re right because it felt like torture. I can’t really answer why I did that to myself but I can say I do remember in that moment when I went in and bought the drink, I was thinking “screw this I don’t care anymore I’m going do whatever the hell I feel like doing” I had a lot of rage but looking back I’m glad I didn’t cave. I haven’t done that since. I’m trying to find better ways to cope a
Thanks for sending love means a lot to me!
Thank you so much for this point of view I never thought of it this way and I can fully understand and see that. I can definitely say that relationships do get tested in sobriety and most certainly mine have been tested. I’m working on ways to cope healthier too so I don’t emotionally hurt others with my words because of my uncontrolled emotions. I’m really working on this and really want this more than anything. I’ve kept some good people on my journey but I’ve lost a lot more than I’ve kept. Mainly friends. Which to me is a good thing. I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your thoughts it really makes me think of it in a different way and I feel will help me thinking like this if I go through it again.
You are doing so awesome!!! Hope you are proud of yourself.
