Yeah…that really…its making me feel really unsettled…im having alot of issues with my mother and at the moment we arent on speaking terms… alot of my old friends are all about drinking so ive distanced from them since getting sober…well…ive not really heard alot from them either to be honest…one long term friend i really tried to stay in contact with but it became all one sided…i was always the one to text and then once i didnt i dont hear from her unless shes got things to sell me from her craft business and literally sends me a blanket text of all her wears to sell on a watsapp group that she sends to everyone else aswell…no asking how i am or anything… ive tried to reconnect with my older brother but hes mostly concerned only with his own little family…my younger brother and i are speaking but definitely not close and his partner and i dont get on (a whole other story) i dont know…i really try my hardest to be a good person i genuinely do care about people and will go above and beyond but i dont seem to have people stick around especially now im sober…my own little family…me, my partner and our little girl are in an amazing spot…home is fantastic we are all happy and treat each other with respect and kindness…im very grateful for that…it just seems like im alot less tolerant of people not treating me very well now i have such a happy home life does that make sense? But in the same breath it feels like my world is getting smaller…i dont know if thats a good or a bad thing…i know in the past ive clung on to relationships that maybe i shouldnt have because i was needy and always felt like things were my fault…like is it ok to let go of even long standing relationships that im not happy with? any thoughts from you guys would be great xx
Makes sense to me.
I’ll give you the advice I gave myself recently- get out there once per week and try something new where you might meet like minded people. It sounds like it’s time for you to make some new connections
Hugs to you friend 
I can relate a lot to the world becoming smaller and the social life changeing drastically once you choose to be your authentic self and keep boundaries up (and upper yourself from the drama sink others want to drag you in 
).
I can also relate to the huge shift & change in relationships over time, people falling away, friendships fading out, letting go of what & who doesn’t contribute to or support a calm, happy, peaceful life.
Those processes are still ongoing in my life and I learned to look at them openminded and with curiosity.
Maybe some of the changes in my life over the last 4 years can help you find confidence and trust in the process … here we go 
I was sad when my mum died oct 2022 but it also was a relief. She was 94, living in a nursing home for several months as her overall condition declined rapidly. She was ready to go and I was ready to let her go.
What hit me like a brick wall was loosing my daily evening call with her. I suddenly lost my talking partner of decades, we called every day.
As a bonus fuck my marriage went FUBAR in may 2022 and I had lost my partner who i shared the daily life with (what a godsent that I blew this hell of lovelessness, ignorance & drinking in a big bang but i had a looooong rocky road to travel until I left the seas of desperation, fury, resentment, hurt, grief and 1000 other unpleasant, devasting emotions).
I went to therapy, a lot, rebuilt my life (twice, first downtown living in my townhouse alone again, then on the farm after my ex a) moved out june 2023 and b) finances were settled and it was mine alone oct 2024). I talked to a lot of people, my friends, mutual friends, neighbours, acquaitances.
I needed a lot of alone time.
Along the way, two loose friends became very close friends and are up to today. Some friendships faded out when I decided that my life is a drama free zone now and my house is alcohol free for all which means: visitors too. My ex drank enough for both of us for 2 lifes, I used alcohol as unhealthy coping mechanism, I was done. With drama, mimimi and beer. Not everybody gets that and that’s ok.
My life became very reclusive. But the connection I have improved to a lovely high quality level.
Walking the dog connected me to my neighbourhood, lovely talks, sometimes a coffee invitation. I now know I can rely on my neighbours when I need support, a gold nugget when you live alone rural 
One of my loose friends lost her husband (he was very ill) 2 years ago in 2024. She called me and since then we talk daily. That was not planned, it happened and we both like it. We even established a sunday TED talk, just for fun.
One friend let me down when I really needed her help, on a petsitting occacion I asked her months before. She forgot and had her focus elsewhere. We are still in loose contact every now and then but for me this is nothing I care for much anymore.
I felt and still feel lonely sometimes, sometimes my life feels narrow and empty. That’s when I remind myself to breath, dig deep into my heart & soul, listen and wait. For me being extra kind & caring towards myself during these episodes was extremly helpful. Journalling helped me to sort feelings and thoughts, describing the void, embracing the emptiness, accepting how life is atm.
I had to sit with the void and learn to be patient before new people, pets and things came into my life. Without it, I would not have been ready.
It takes a lot of courage to stick with a small, high quality life until it’s time to open up for more, new, different people & things. They will come when it’s time. Until then: We keep going and sometimes fake it till we make it 
Sorry, this was long. The flow of writing took over 
Thank you @james83 
I think maybe your right…i think at the moment im more struggling wether the letting people go is ok rather than the making new connections, my world is getting smaller but is that ok because it feels wrong to let people go rather than keep them?
Thank you @erntedank for taking the time to write all of this out for me thats so kind…its one of those situations where im gonna need some time to really think about what youve said here…then come back with my thoughts if thats ok…youve given me alot of food for thought here 
Always welcome
Letting go is always ok. It means detaching, no longer holding on to something that hasn’t felt right for quite some time. From my experience letting go can also start a renewing process, some relationships can grow over time again. Some don’t, that’s ok too.
Thia being a good or bad thing is for you to decide. I view this as foundation building. Sometimes you have to tear down the house above to repair what it is built on so you can build a better home going forward. Sometimes that means it is smaller than before, but that is not a value judgement. Quality of relationshipa are important and if your long term friendship is not fulfilling to you, it is abaolutely ok to end the relationship. There will be a mourning process, but it does not mean that You are a bad friend.
Takibg care and looking out for yourself and your health is important, even if it means you make difficult decisions.
Hey Kelly
I prefer to think of it as “letting what will be, be”. I got angry for a while as I realised that I was going to lose friends when I stopped drinking. It still hurts a little but I’ve focussed on making new connections. It’s not easy, but I’ve found it rewarding. Above all it takes time.
You’re using a lot of energy with these worries about other people, including your mum. Maybe it’s time to channel some of that into yourself and let life take its course. I’ve found that using a ton of energy to make something I want to happen actually happen is often an indication that it is not within my control. This is quite similar to accepting that I cannot control alcohol, it controls me… but I CAN work a program diligently to prevent me taking that first drink.
Not only that… YOU deserve your energy!
Good for you for clarifying your thoughts. There is no holding on or letting go of people. Relationships have an ecvolution and if they arent tended to by both sides it can become unhealthy. I agree with @james83 maybe its about what will be, will be. But i do hear you want a bit more support outside your family unit…what are some hobbies, activities, that bring you joy?
Thank you @FracturedNoMore
I agree that this is only for me to decide, i also agree that its the quality of the relationships that matter, alot of times in the past ive clung to relationships that werent good for me because i felt i wasnt worth any better
Thank you @james83
I dont think after thinking that at the moment its new connections im seeking its more the bravery needed to do so or me having trouble letting go of relationships that arent good for me…it feels wrong of me somehow… it has struck a nerve when you said about the energy im using on everyone else because that is very true of me…i literally agonise over things and will look at every single angle of a situation before making a decision about it, when often its out of my control anyway…i think sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing but i have now decided that i will keep my stance with my mother and my boundries, do nothing but not accept her behaviour and see how that pans out, i do need to spend some energy on myself and my family instead.
Thank you @Cjp i feel very satisfied with my immediate family unit who i live with, i dont feel like im looking for new connections yet i was just troubled over what to do about behaviour and people who are making me feel bad and dragging me down like my mother, i definitely have things that bring me personal joy other than my family i love to draw and paint and ive definitely not been taking the time for myself to do that so soon as i get some time im going to throw myself back into it
@erntedank i am still preparing my reply to what youve said, i just havent finished it yet but it will be here soon my dear
You have to make time for you. Even if just a half hour at a time. Nobody else is going to do that for you. I am saying this from experience. I spent years not doing that and lost myself.
This has really helped me alot…i think what im going to do is rather than sit worrying about all this im going to focus on myself and my little family instead…stop focusing on the external and nurture myself, my family, my pets and all the good things i do have and allow life to evolve naturally…i know now what im willing to put up with from people and what im not so i will stick to that, after talking to you guys on here i now understand that its ok to not put up with things/people that go against my personal peace and our drama free life, im done with all that now because ive had enough to last me a life time, thanks again for explaining your story, im so happy your in such a better place these days because you so deserve it, much love
Hey dear friend 
Im sorry ur going thru alot emotionally and mentally. Relationships with others is a tricky one for me too. I have a verrrrry small circle of people in my life too right now.
First off…
From what I can tell, you dont just try to be a good perslon… you ARE a good person. I dont think the reason for others not really engaging, is YOUR doing. I think when we get sober and recover, we really change as people. How others view us also change and unfortunately some relationships dont seem to last. We can seem to be on different levels.
Ive noticed that i too have very little patience and tolerance for being mistreated. I think i initally stuck around people in the past and tolerated alot bcuz of fear of being alone and bcuz of a selfish reasons (i was still getting something from that relationship). Now being sober, i dont need those things and so i have changed in how I view people. I also notice that I have very little energy for other relationships. My small circle (my family) is my priority and i just dont feel the need to expand at this time to other friendships/relationships.
And imo I think it is absolutely okay to let go of long standing relationships. If u feel like it just isnt sitting right with u, then thats a sure sign that maybe you two are not on the same level anymore. And thats okay! Some people are in our lives i believe to teach us things. Or that relationship served a purpose at one point in our lives. But we are diff people now. And maybe that purpose is no longer there.
Idk friend 
Just some thoughts I had when reading ur post. I can definitly relate to it tho!
Thank you so much Dana, thank you for your really kind words, i know i am a nice person but for the first time in my life i actually believe that to be true, its difficult because people have always picked fault namely my parents, they put me down, criticise me even now which makes me doubt myself alot, im struggling with distancing from my own other at the moment too because of how i want my life to be now, im sick of the drama and want peace but she doesnt seem to want to give me that xx
This is sooo beautiful! To KNOW in ur heart that u ARE a good person, especially with what uv been thru (criticism and being put down by ur parents), is huge progress!! Im proud of u. I know how difficult it is to challenge our thinking in the present, when weve been told things for sooo long. We tend to believe those negative things when weve been told that for some time.
Can I ask what she does to not give u that space? Is it difficult to sort of distance urself from that?
Thank you Dana
Oh i have a specific thread all about the relationship with my mother here…
Recently ive tried to set boundries with her that she hasnt taken kindly to, at the moment we arent on speaking terms…
Jeeze, ur post broke my heart 
Im just so sorry Kelly. This is horrible. Sounds like uv had to deal with this ur whole life. This isnt fair to u. I applaud u for the inner work uv done to transform ur thinking and how u view urself. Ur inner child is smiling, I can see it
I can imagine its hard NOT to be speaking with her, as she is ur mother and u do love her. But im hoping she is taking this time to think about what shes done all these years. U have done what u needed to u… set those boundaries… to protect urself from that toxic behaviour. Dont give into those boundaries friend. I know its going to be hard to not talk to her im sure, as she is ur mother, but u set those boundaries for a very good reason. I hope she will come around and change her ways 
Yeah, its alot, alot less then some have to deal with though, i dont feel like a victim or anything…she just refuses to ever see her own faults and definately cant see anything from my point if view or how she cuts me so deeply its all my fault you see, its been about a month of no contact now xx