Hi!
I’ve been sober for 41 days. It’s the longest in years, well, decades. I’m used to drinking to run away from discomfort. And now i just feel lost and with no direction. Alcohol used to fill that void of emptiness. And I want to stay sober, but another part of me is saying, if i feel so pointless and dont see a future, than why not drink?
And i also know that running to alcohol all this time brought me to this point where without it i feel the emptiness because i never filled that up with something else.
Did anyone else feel something similar? How did you cope with it?
This is called “fuck-it syndrome” or “the fuckits” - most people in recovery get it; it comes and goes. It’s the mind-trick played by your addict brain saying “fuck it, everything sucks anyway so it doesn’t matter if I drink”. It fades after time working a recovery program.
In addiction we give up everything for one thing (our addiction). In recovery, we give up one thing (our addiction), and in return we get everything. Part of the reason you’re feeling the way you are is that for all the years of your addiction, your life was hollow: empty except for the addiction. Now you’re healthy - sober - and what you need to do is recover your humanity: you have an empty lot and you need to grow a fruitful garden. It takes time, but like any project, it’s always one day at a time.
I find it helpful to listen to podcasts and read “quit lit” to refresh my sense of purpose and direction in recovery:
I definitely can relate! I drank to bury emotions for too many years and now being sober over 1.5 years I can say that choice fucked me in so many ways and areas. Learning what to do with all these feelings and how to process it is challenging but definitely needed to truly live life. I’m work in progress on the daily and learning to enjoy life. Not easy but the alternative was much worse is all I can say. Good luck to you.
Welcome to the forum! Congratulations on ur 41 days of sobriety!
I do get what ur saying. I remember feeling exactly the same way in early recovery. Like @Matt mentioned, our lives were consumed by alcohol, leaving no room for anything else. Our lives were focused on getting and using substances. Its easy to feel like theres no point in even trying to be sober when we are unsure about what our future looks like. But i think what it comes down to, is giving ourselves a chance to discover a new way of living. And we do this by staying sober and exploring whats out there for us
I used drugs for the majority of my life. When getting clean i didnt even know what my hobbies were, what i liked or didnt like, what goals i had for myself, what my passions were, etc. It took some time to discover the things that i felt passionate about. Overtime i learned that i had a passion for exercise and nutrition, that i liked to bake, make dreamcatchers, that i loved being in nature etc. The only way i was able to discover these things was by staying clean and sober. Now i feel like i have purpose, something to look forward to each day. But i had to give myself a chance to explore different options.
Try a few things out and see what u enjoy doing. Take it one day at a time and focus on ur recovery first. Opportunities will open up for u as u stay sober
Hi eveyone, thank you for your responses, tips, and encouragement. It’s been helpful and i kept them in mind. Helped me ride that wave.
Im grateful for this community.
Thank you!
Hi, @Tubee , glad you are here and glad you were able to reach out here and get some support. I totally relate to feeling lost and lonely at times. But it will get better!
First of all…well done on 41 days after such a long time drinking!! You should be very proud!!
Secondly, yes…I absolutely know what you’re talking about. The discomfort you feel is us trying to live with ourselves. Peeling back the onion layers. Doing the work. Booze isn’t going to help that. It’s only an attempt at a solution.
Try asking yourself why you feel like you do. Try and discover where it comes from. In my case it has to do with stuff from my childhood. Low self esteem, low self worth and an utterly negative mindset.
I am trying to learn to forgive myself, to love myself and accept that I am worthy.
I never reach out for support, but this time it was so helpful.
It’s helpful to know we are not alone, that others face similar challenges and that these states pass. And really good to hears others advice.
It’s a ride, for sure, but overall feeling better without drinking.
