As of today, I’m at 46 days sober. This weekend and the next, I’ve been invited to social gatherings (retirement party and birthday party) in which there will be alcohol involved. During the past 46 days I’ve avoided being in these situations (the quarantine has helped with that) so I haven’t been put in this position yet. I’m afraid of 1) succumbing to the urge, or 2) feeling resentment because I’m not drinking with everyone else. I’m still at that point in recovery that I feel like I’m missing out having a few drinks and socializing. I don’t wanna be a downer at the parties because of the way I’m feeling about it. I guess, at some point in my recovery, these days were gonna come sooner or later. I don’t ‘not’ wanna go because I’ve missed people during the quarantine, but I know I’m in for a couple of difficult weekends.
Hi I’m 45 days. Well 46 at 11pm! I know how you feel. I think for me it’s too soon to go out but I really want to go to the pub as my friend has taken over so I want to support her.
Maybe the thought of going is worse than actually going. Good luck
I had the same situation I just said I’m sober and stood my ground it’s hard but you can do it. It also made me realize how much I didn’t miss it. Seeing people drink and acting ridiculous I was one of them at one point I don’t miss the hangover lol
Personally, if I felt the way you are now, I’d not go.
I didn’t do anything social like that for about three months. And that included all of Christmas. And without lockdown.
Not until I felt so confident that I could stick to no.
If you gotta go, just be strong. Have it fixed firmly in your mind that you are not going to drink.
Have a soft drink in your hand at all times.
Try not to be nervous.
On the whole the only person there that will be worried about it is you.
No one else will care if you’re drinking or not.
And to be honest with you, it’s none of their business anyway!
You don’t have to go if you’re not feeling ready.
If you do go, make sure you have a non-alcoholic option you enjoy drinking.
Have an exit strategy. Drive yourself there so you can leave if things become overwhelming.
If you have a higher power, pray before you go.
If you have a sponsor or supportive friend, give them a heads-up that you’re going to an event with alcohol and may need to call them for support.
That was the advice given to me before my first outing out and I managed to get through it. You can too.
Social gatherings aren’t designed to be hard. If you think they’re going to be then it’s probably a good idea not to go
“I’m still at that point in recovery that I feel like I’m missing out having a few drinks and socializing. I don’t wanna be a downer at the parties because of the way I’m feeling about it.”
You already know what you’re missing out on; if you could have a “few” drinks you wouldn’t be counting days.
You don’t have to feel like you’re a downer because you’re a non drinker now; show them you’re still an (that word you chose for describing yourself, lol) and can stil have fun!
For me, in the beginning, the decision was long term vs short term. Long term being sober, short term enjoying social functions. Long term was far more important to me, so if the “satisfaction” I would get from a social function interfered with that, I didnt go.
I have missed many social functions in my life, honestly…really didnt change my life. Missing out on being sober would.
Good luck!
This can be quite a conundrum. I guess all I can say is own your sobriety no matter how many days you have. Be open and proud about what is happening with you right now. I’ve had the experience that once people see this they are supportive of you and will try to be sensitive to your choices. Some of them are very awkward at this never having to go through it themselves. This can be both endearing and frustrating. Ultimately if you are worried that there will be too many triggers just politely bow out. Don’t make excuses, tell them exactly why. Own this decision you’ve made and don’t hide it away. This disease we have is not as taboo as it has been. I’ve been surprised at how supportive people have been to me at events such as this. Ultimately it’s your decision. Only you know where you’re at right now and you probably already have a pretty good idea of how people are going to react. Don’t set yourself up for failure but don’t close yourself off either. We are social creatures and require the company of others for a healthy life. If we allow this disease to shut us away from those we love who do not suffer from it then the disease has won. Listen to your higher power and you’ll be fine. If you’re not ready that’s perfectly ok and shows that your beginning to know and trust yourself. Good luck whatever you choose.
I get what you mean… I’ve been there before and it’s caused me to relapse in the past. And this go round of not drinking, it caused me to feel resentment and jealousy. I also am horribly anxious, so parties for me aren’t fun without alcohol… generally.
My advice is to either let people you’re closest to who are going to the parties know that you’re going to be sober and might need a little extra encouragement. Or else if you feel like you might relapse due to going… perhaps it might be best to sit those gatherings out unfortunately.
Something I did too was write a list in my notes in my phone of some of the shitty things I’ve done, or that have happened, how I feel, etc. And I’d take a look at it when I needed a reminder why it’s not healthy for me to drink.
Wish you the best in whichever you choose… going or sitting the events out. This group will always be here for support if you’re having a tough go 
I feel that way too.
I sually say “I don’t feel like a drink”, or “I’m not drinking today”, I’ve even tried saying “I’m doing a cleanse” lol, and “oh please don’t ask me again, I’m trying really hard to not drink this weekend/today”, and “I’m doing dry July” is another one ive used.
Thanks everyone! I appreciate the comments/sentiments. I guess the one good thing is that everyone that will be at both events know about my new sobriety, so I don’t think it’ll be them pressuring me. I just wonder how my willpower will be. Hopefully being around people who know will help and they will make sure I don’t fall for it.
So don’t think about it. Your “willpower” is as strong as you want it to be!
And don’t use words like “hopefully”!
Be that sober, non drinker with conviction man! It’s your life, take control!
Seconding all the great things that have been said above. Making sure you have something you really like to drink is kind of crucial for me, so I feel like I’m rewarding myself with something I like that also won’t make me feel terrible the next day physically & mentally. Remember when it gets tough that you are caring for yourself. Because it might feel like you’re denying pleasure but it’s the other way around!
All of this!
If you don’t want to go, don’t. You can celebrate with people separately if you feel that they would really miss your presence.
If you want to go - go with your plan, and enjoy it! If you’re not enjoying it, leave (this is why making your own travel arrangements is important). Other people will just pop in to say hi and then go. You will notice this while you’re sober. If you’re the first to go, who cares! Did you ever care about all the other people leaving the party before you? Did you even notice?!
It is totally normal to feel nervous about doing something new. But don’t let that be an excuse to throw away those 46 days! Think how great it will be to wake up the morning after, hangover free and a head full of memories 
I was listening to a podcast about sobriety awhile back that suggested “playing the video” or visualizing how the scenario will play out if you do drink at the party.
You drink.get drunk. Say or do things that you wish you hadn’t. Feel like absolute garbage the next day (physically, emotionally-guilty)
Predictably we drink to access and the end result is similar. So change the initial part of the video and dont drink the first drink. This visualization exercise has helped me more than once because the feeling of guilt and hangovers were always happening. I dont want to feel like that ever again. Oct 5 2019 was the last time I drank
Your sobriety comes first. 46 days is awesome, you got some solid ‘sober miles’ behind you. Don’t give that up.
Now if you’re okay with leaving the parties instead of drinking, that is you promise yourself you will literally leave immediately when your sobriety is at risk, you should probably go out and see some people and get a socialization under your belt.
If you don’t want people to notice, order tonic and a lime. If it’s a hosted party, ‘provide’ the host with extra soda water/tonic for mixers. But bring a ton of it, and use it to mix yourself kiddy cocktails. Make sure you always have one in your hand and no one will ask to get you a drink.
If you want people to know, you may be surprised how accepting they are. And those who aren’t tend to be making a fool of themselves, not of you.
My two cents 
if your not confident then dont go , in my early sobriety i took a sober buddy from my home group for support wish you well
Good job! If you want to go, think about how you can go without putting too much pressure on yourself. In cases like this, I have stopped in early before lots of people are around, shared well wishes and indicated that I have another commitment at (state time). That way I can still show support, have a window of time to leave and a reason to decline beverages if offered. But you know yourself best. If you are feeling like you aren’t ready, listen to that and explore what you are afraid of. Use this feeling and experience as a learning.
Hey Scott how are you feeling, what’s your plan for this weekend?