I’m Holly. I have a wonderful loving husband and a 21 year old daughter in college. I am a medical professional. I binge drink. 1 or 2 25% of the time and 12 to 15 the other 75%. I have used alcohol since late teens to cope with social anxiety. Life of the party sometimes and nightmare others. I have also suffered from depression my whole life. For the last few years, I’ve been drinking alone more to get out of my head. I will turn 50 in July. I can count on my hands how many times I have socialized without alcohol. I can go weeks without drinking so I have always struggled with the idea of being an alcoholic. What I know for sure is that alcohol makes my depression far worse. I want to stop and I want to learn how to live happily without alcohol.
Relate completely. Anxiety is the worst but I found when I tried sobriety the first time and made it 16 months it literally went away. I just get bored very easily. This time around I’m filling my calender with activities even if its just reading or exercise. Anything to fill blank space. Best of luck Holly.
Thanks! Just signed up for college full-time. I’ve been unhappy in my career for a very long time. This should keep me very busy. Hopefully my brain still works LOL
Hi Holly, I can totally relate to your story anxiety is a big hurdle for me too. Life is tough, but I’ve come to realise drink only makes anxiety and depression a million times worse. I’m only on day 4 sober and very new here, so no wondrous words of wisdom, but know I hear you and your struggles and you are not alone. Hope this forum helps you out in finding a different path to happiness hun 
Hey Holly! Welcome to the forum. I just turned 50 in February.
I, too, drank to numb, mostly alone…more alone the older I have gotten. I was a daily drinker and have found that when I don’t stay engaged in some type of program, relapse is not far away. That can be traditional AA, SMART, or others. Even staying engaged on the forum, reading, journaling, meditating, exercise is a program of sorts. For many, that is their sole program. Try out any and all of them to see what works for you. Stay connected!
There is a lot of good advice and support here. I am glad you are here.
Welcome! I’m a newbie too. Have been actively trying to stay sober for five months. Have been more successful than not, but still not perfect and still struggling. This community has been amazing and my favorite one out of all that I have found so far.
I also struggle with anxiety and maybe depression as well. I have never been sober long enough to know if I have depression or if it’s just been the alcohol bringing me down. It’s a journey. I’m learning. But I feel sooo good without my boozy crutch.
If you have the desire to quit, I believe you will.
YOU GOT THIS
Yes, helps very much to know that others relate and offer support. We can do this!
We defiantly can 
I’ve got your back x
Yes we can! And this forum really helps if you want to! Succes on your journey…it will not be easy but soooo worth it. 
Keep trying! The first step is to admit you have a problem, it sounds redundant I’m sure, but it’s the truth, we can’t fix it until we understand we have a problem. I worked in the medical field for many many moons. My addiction got the best of me and I eventually resigned. I also have depression and trauma, and alcohol makes it 100 times worse. I really hope things get better for you. Once you stop drinking things eventually get better. I quit drinking for a long time and switched to percs to help with my back pain but then that turned into a monster of its own. I can’t drink anymore my body rejects alcohol my life is dependent on staying sober. I’ve done a lot of damage to my body and I don’t want to die because of the poison I’ve put in my body, because it makes me numb. At first drinking was for social activities because I’m so very shy, but then I stopped drinking for awhile started taking pain pills and became a hermit, decided that maybe I could socialize again and drink. Nope I am an addict and alcoholic. I hear you and I hope you find peace in your recovery
Wow. Sounds like a rough road. Thanks for the advice and for sharing!
We do recover. 