So I’ve been hospitalized 3 times since Feb 2019, Aug 2020, and for the very last time- this past Friday. I have been binge drinking vodka behind my entire inner circles back, and most importantly my husband and mother (whom had lost my father in 2004 to Cirrhosis-also a closeted drinker)
Yesterday after years of beating myself up with guilt and the thought I was invincible. I told everyone the truth from my hospital bed (Husband in person, family is in another state so I called my mom after talking to him)
I’m 11 days sober today thinking I could quit without being admitted and keep the lie safe with me but my liver has gotten so enlarged there was no way I could pray it would heal at home.
My husband lost his mother last year to Cirrhosis (pain killers) so he was horrified as expected. But never yelled or put me down, just took it personal as if he was doing something wrong. We talked very shortly and he decided to leave because we both are a need space type of person to process so I understood. Felt horrible. Slept the morning and afternoon away not wanting to wake up and see my phone and the reactions.
There were lots of expletives from my family, absolute lost of trust from my husband as expected. But the point of my story is I have faced the demon that has been staring at me for almost 2 years and you know what? I’m still loved. I am so so blessed for a family who understands - though dissapointed - they all have my back and support me. This is just to share with anyone who is hiding and afraid like i was and I woke up today for the first time truly feeling I have sobriety as my priority and will never relapse again. Not everyone is as lucky to have such love or family who doesnt understand the disease of addiction. But I suggest get your resources, find your books or AA groups. Your sponsors. Whatever you HAVENT tried before and then address the vices. You wont know until you finally are honest with yourself.
Side note : He returned to the hospital several hours later so we could watch our traditional NFL Sunday Kansas City Chiefs play (and win!) And we promised tomorrow was a new day… Dont think I’m off the hook lol - still have a “negative balance in the trust account” as we call it but I will do any and everything to get his trust back.
First post ever on here after years of following along and resetting too many times to count so I just wanted to share and say thank you to each and every one of you for helping me build up this courage.
Have a blessed holiday season and happy new year everybody.
Congrats on your 11 days and also not having to carry that secret around anymore. I felt lighter just reading your post We are are biggest enemies sometimes
Congrats on being sober and your honesty I know it had to be tough
Today is a new day a new step putting one foot in front of the other. Pray to your higher power and ask for help. He can do all things. We are in your corner, we are with you in this fight.
Absolutely true. Makes me happy you felt lighter by my story. I’ve felt that way so many times reading stories on here I’m glad I finally have something positive to contribute
I see two huge reasons to celebrate: you admitting your problems with alcohol to your spouse and family, and your announcing your presence in this community.
I’m happy to know you are here, and hope you will stay to share in getting better at getting better.
This is truly amazing! Congratulations on taking this massive step forward for your well being and your future. I hope that you feel proud because it takes bravery to seek help and support, not to mention to be honest and vulnerable. I look forward to seeing you around and getting to know you better!
Welcome, it takes much strength to come out from the shadows…I too was a secret drinker on most days, and I too chipped away at the trust account, but we are not defined by our past mistakes, and today we rise to a new dawn…a happier chapter where you heal yourself for yourself. The road isn’t easy, but the road we turned off from was so much harder and there was no good destination.
I haven’t been at long, but I’m two weeks at it, and it’s a nicer place to be…the folks in this forum have helped me stay the course, and they will help you too if you let them…even if it’s just reading their stories…the good, bad and in between inspire you to stay the course.
You are worth fighting for…you can do this, and I am sending you prayers of health and healing.
Wow… You are a very strong, courageous, and articulate woman. Sounds like you are giving the very best holiday gift to yourself and family. I predict good things in your future. My very best to you and all who love you.
brave move! thank you for the share and honesty. These sometimes over and over admitting that we are powerless is a hard thing to do but nescecary and the first step.
welcome to this forum.
love and blessings
Hi Rachel, so glad you’re here. I too was in a similar spot about a year and a half ago-After several tests I was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis at the age of 28 and was told if I didn’t stop drinking I’d die. I couldn’t stop so I needed to come clean to my family and get the help. I’m now 659 days sober. You, too, have the ability to turn things around before it’s too late. I’m proud of you for admitting to your family what’s been going on-I pray you find peace in sobriety and keep checking in here. We are rooting for you!
Welcome Rachel It’s good to see you here and we support you. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life - and you’re taking an important step today, the first of many positive steps. Take care & keep checking in! Looking forward to seeing you around
Well done Rachel on being honest with yourself and others. I thought I was secretly drinking but no-one was surprised too much when I admitted it. In time they will undoubtedly see the improvements in you and hopefully will all be more supportive.
We are are biggest enemies sometimes
welcome to our community!
It’s good to see you here and we support you. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life - and you’re taking an important step today, the first of many positive steps. Take care & keep checking in! Looking forward to seeing you around 
