Hey everyone. I guess this is a vent post more than anything. I’m really struggling today. Me and my family member (let’s call her Ange) who I live with are both in treatment for heroin addiction. I’m some way ahead of her (well, 10 days ahead). My withdrawals from the H have stopped and I’ve settled on the substitute (espranor) well. I had my last score a two weeks ago this coming Monday and was sick for about three days before I started to feel human again.
Ange had her last score on Wednesday night. It’s Friday evening now so she’s still only 2 days in and is obviously still sick. I’m doing everything I can to support her, while maintaining my sobriety and running the household alone. I moved in here three years ago (which is not long after I started using) as I was struggling to cope with the daily routine and needed help. I blame myself for her addiction as my using prompted her to use and despite my protestations she too became addicted after eventual daily use. Yet at the same time I’m angry (never told her this) that I came to her for help but she just put herself in my exact same shoes. Sorry… I got lost on a tangent there.
I moved in for support as I was struggling, and have continued to struggle, after the loss of my father. My depression and anxiety remains, though medication keeps it somewhat under control. Yet I still struggle with working full time and managing the household.
Since she’s been sick, I’ve been doing everything (of course, life must go on). This doesn’t bother me. In fact it’s a kick up the arse that I probably need. And with how positive I’ve been feeling since getting clean, I’ve actually not found it as hard as I thought i would.
Here’s the problem and what in struggling with right now. Ange is so very rude. She’s rude at the best of times and seems to forget that I’m a human with feelings and emotions who doesn’t like to be shouted and sworn at. Since she’s been sick she’s been even worse. Demanding that I make her drinks, bring her medicine, whatever. She doesn’t say please or thank you, which is something that really bothers me. I hate bad manners especially when it comes from someone who’s supposed to love and support you. This evening she screamed at me for making noise while I was cooking dinner, as she’s sleeping on the sofa.
I’ve spoken to her about how she speaks to me before and she seemed genuinely upset that she’d hurt me so much. I cried to her that I wish she could speak to me the way that she speaks to colleagues. Like just being nice and saying things like thank you, not snapping at them when they misunderstood what she was saying or couldn’t hear her (if I ask her to repeat herself she gets mad, but she mumbles a lot). When I raised it with her she apologised and made an effort for a week or two but that soon changed.
Even when I was sick as a dog, I still spoke with respect and made sure to show I was grateful for everything she helped me with.
God I feel so stupid writing all this down. Maybe I’m just over reacting and this is just how families are. I’m just so sick of being spoken to like I’m nothing to her. I have no one else, literally no one. So it’s this or complete solitude. I just want to cry. And use. I hate this so much.
Please take good care of yourself. You are a valuable person and you deserve to be treaten with respect.
(now thankfully fixed)
and the congratulations 
I really am proud of myself!