Today I went to my first AA meeting.
I hadn’t told my husband that I had started this sober journey yet. But he had noticed my lack of drinking (ya know, cause I used to drink all the time). But he hadn’t said anything to me about it.
I had been debating on a meeting for a long time, even before I got serious about living the sober life. But it was just weighing on me, kind of like calling me to go to it. I was skeptical, because I am not a religious person like I used to be (not saying AA is strictly religious either). But I figured why not give it a shot, and if it’s not for me then I don’t have to go back, right?
So I made the decision right before the meeting time that I was going, but I had to tell my husband what I was doing, because if I was this serious, he should know from me that I am serious and I’m making this life change.
I called him from the car and asked what his thoughts were on me going to a meeting, and he asked why and I told him I was done, that I had hit my breaking point Super Bowl night and I needed to do this for me. He supported that decision and I told him good thing he did because I was already almost to the meeting.
I was scared shitless to go in… heart racing, hands shaking… but I did it. As I sat and just observed and listened I realized that thank goodness I found a group that really understood what I was going through. I could relate to most of what was being said in that room. I was greeted and sat by a woman who, when I first walked in asked if I was new there and welcomed me. Later in the meeting she asked if I had the AA book, and of course I didn’t. She kindly went and got me one, along with meeting lists, and other resources that I may need.
At the end they were giving out chips, and I listened as they called out all the milestones… they were finally done, and getting ready to sit back down, and I stood up… of course all eyes were on me, and I asked if I could have a white one… and broke down in tears infront of everyone. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was scared, nervous, vulnerable… without saying a word I laid it all out in receiving that chip.
After the meeting was over I was surrounded while I still was tearing up being welcomed with open eyes and words of encouragement.
I just wanted to share my story for those who are debating going to a meeting, or for those who do attend meetings already, and just need to know that you sharing your stories, struggles and achievements really does help those new to the meetings.
