So since coming back from Iraq in 2009 I’ve used alcohol as an unhealthy coping mechanisim. I liked to shut off my brain and supress nightmares. It seemed to be a tool I could use to keep myself functioning but now I am seeing how much of a handicap it has been. One failed marriage, a few career set backs and just 3 days ago I rolled my vehicle down and embankment causing my current partner to kick me out of our home and giving me my first DUI. I hope this is my bottom because I dont know if i could feel more ashamed of myself than right now. And all i want to do is turn it off with a drink. Im so tired. Im in pain. I dont know how I am going to fix half of the issues but I still havent drank and am going to my first AA meeting tomorrow.
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I’ve done several of the same. And at the meeting you will meet & hear many who also have. See the similarities there & not the differences as we all have this daily struggle my friend. We stay sober together with help, not alone, or we would’ve stopped once we started seeing the change…
You’re in the right place and I’m so glad you’re here.
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Hi welcome, use that as your wake up call and start taking action, AA, smart recovery, Dharma recovery, Easyway, come here each day for help and support, have you thought about seeing a therapist to speak about Iraq ? wishing you well keep posting.
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Hey Chris, warm welcome, sorry for what youre going through man but u can do this…i hit my rock bottom 5 months ago almost lost my daughter but i stayed sober and didnt lose her…i never thought i could get to 5 months but it can be done…take any help your offered and search out as much help as you can get…write on here any time you need help or to vent we are all here for you. Your certainly not the first or the last to use alcohol as crutch thats for sure. Allen cars easy way to stop drinking is great for changing your mindset around drinking it was a gsme changer for me, for now focus only on yourself make sobriety your priority and youl get there…
Remember your mistakes, mishaps and drunken actions dont define who you are as a person you just need some help…be kind to yourself now…sending you a big fat hug 
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Welcome to Talking Sober Chris. And welcome to your sobriety. It takes a lot of courage not to take that first drink but admitting you have a problem and want to work on that. And that’s all we all can do.
And to use an old cliché: you will reach your bottom once you stop digging. Feels to me you just did that. Wishing you all success on your sober journey friend. Use any tool available to you. And don’t try to go it alone. We’re in this together.
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Welcome brother.
Alcohol wont help the nightmares going way.
For me…made it worse.
I put down the alcohol, went to Aa and regained my life.
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Oh Chris, this is the first post I read this morning. Thank you so much for your service. I can’t imagine what PTSD is like, and I hope you have resources to help you with that. You are on the right path. AA is a life changing program. I hope you find a good group to connect with, there are so many veterans in recovery. You will hear your story in many others.
TS has also been a pillar of my recovery. I truly have friends here, albeit virtual friends, I’m closer to many here than I am to some of my friends in real life.
If I may suggest an amazing app I just discovered. . . “Everything AA”. It takes all of the AA materials and presents the materials in an easy to read OR listen to format.
Finally, I really hope you keep checking in. I’m rooting for you all the way from Kansas City. You are worthy of an amazing sober life. Push off from here.
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Welcome 
. That sounds like a lot and I am glad you found us. This sounds like the perfect time to move your life in a healthier direction.
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Thank you all for all the kind words, advice, and support. Ive havd sought treatment for my PTSD but it made the nightmares worse and they perscribed serotonin and ambien and due to no improvement increased the serotonin doseage until i had serotonin sickness and the damage that did to my life made my drinking look like the lesser of two evils. So im hesitant to seek treatment for it again.
I definitely admit I am the one who keeps digging and makes things worse so im trying to let go of anything i cant control and focus on fixing my immediate issuss and bad habits. “Everything AA” sounds amazing i am going to look into that.
Has anyone found a good substitute for the ritual of the drinking. I am trying to grab tea or some kind of carbonated drink when i want a whiskey or beer but also dont want to just replace one unhealthy habit with another.
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I really like seltzer water . Le Croix is a well known brand…but their are tons of brands out there now… I just like the cold burn.
In my early days of being sober I leaned on energy drinks. I kicked that habit as well after the first 90 days.
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I would highly recommend EMDR therapy for the PTSD. i had biweekly sessions for a year and it did wonders for my PTSD following a rape. The therapy involves processing those images while staring at an oscillating light bar and sometimes alternating music from left to right. The process simulates REM sleep and helps us process rather than suppress.
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At home I love my herbal infusions, different mixes of herbs and weeds for different times of the day. In the end it also is about unlearning these habits. I used to drink I don’t know how many units of alcohol each day. Liters daily (or gallons but I’m European). We don’t need that much fluids, but our addictions demanded consumption of that amount of alcohol. So part of it is unlearning that habit.
And part of it is learning new habits to spend our time. Stuff totally unrelated. Meditation for example. Or whatever suits you.
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I was looking at EDMR and the psilocybin therapy. I tried the CPT therapy and just had worse symptoms which caused the increase in meds. Thank you for sharing your experience and sorry you had to go through that. Glad it sounds like EDMR helped though.
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Im glad you are seeking help. Thats awesome!
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Yeah i totally hear you and agree. Thats where im at now and the urge is strongest when my life is the most chaotic which it definitely is. Just finished my coffe so time to walk in nature. 
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Hey man keep your head up setbacks are not failures i got my first dui 3 months after i got my license it was hard but time will pass the same as it always does keep a good strong head on your shoulders
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The first couple of months i went sober i absolutely maxed out on sugar…i know what u mean about swapping one addiction for another but i kinda allowed myself anything i wanted food and drink wise aslong as it wasnt alcohol…your body craves sugar for a while when you stop and i drank loads of fluids i must have been super dehydrated but after a couple of months everything started to level out so i say dont be too strict with yourself at first, stopping the alcohol is difficult enough. I so wish i could help you with the PTSD but ive no experience of it, wish you well on your journey, you can do this im rooting for u
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Actually, i have a friend who has suffered with PTSD because he was a first responder in the fire service and he swears by ice therapy…the guy he learned about it from is called Wim Hof
Might be worth a look
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Omg same on the water i didnt realize how easy it was to hit a gallon a day when im not wasting room on the pelican imperial variety pack 
I have heard about this!!! I am already a bit of a polar plunge enthusiast i am definitely gonna explore this a little. Thank you! Good vibes to your friend and thank him for his service 
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I will and thank you too, hel be over the moon ive shared this with you hes pretty obsessed with Wim and his therapy, i hope it helps you too
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