I’ve been reading through the topics and decided I would introduce myself. I’m 38 years old, alcoholic, and have been drinking with issues since 13. Lately, the issues have reached a point where I lost my job as a result of my drinking and I truly feel incapable of controlling myself. Too many mornings with horrible hangxiety, embarassing social media posts, mindless hook ups, bruises, you name it. I have a three year old and l need to change. I’ve decided that since all my other attempts have failed, this time around I’m going to seek support. I’m planning on attending AA meetings (skeptical, but I’m going to give it a fair chance), and involving myself with a sober community. I feel I have a long path ahead, mainly due to the amount of trauma and mental health issues I have. Sitting with those things with a clear head will not be enjoyable. One day at a time, and just truly hopeful at this point. Plan on checking in daily!
Welcome to this community Abby, glad you found us.
There’s lots of wisdom here and you’ll find support 24/7, as we live all around the world. I know reading and educating myself on addiction helped me to stay busy the first few weeks of my sobriety. Maybe you find this thread useful as well. There’s many more. But most important - community was the ONE thing that made all the difference for me. Looking forward to see you around
Welcome Abby youve come to a great place! Loads of support here from those who truly understand what all this is like…a community of likeminded, non judgemental people here is what made the difference to me in my recovery so i hope it does the same for you. You are so welcome here friend
Welcome Abby. It’s gonna be ok I was not drinking everyday until I was drinking everyday. couldn’t stay without drinking. And same. hangxiety and Bad decisions. I have a daughter, She’s 8.
I tried therapy and asked for hospitalisation …but what helped is the community and For me AA meetings. It’s been a journey and it’s not gonna solve everything but you’ll be able to …live and handle everything better. Wish you the Best.
But it will be possible.
I thought I had tucked everything away nicely and didn’t let past issues affect me until the day I was told I should meditate. I thought the way to meditate was to empty your mind but I found for the first time in 40 years that when I tried to empty my mind I was left with memories of abuse, I cried and I hated it.
Things were not nicely tucked away like I imagined.
But I went back for more with added experience of knowing meditation can be about watching these thoughts from a third person perspective, where did they come from, where do they go, which ones make which emotions. Now this might sound all hocus pocus but the only way to deal with our emotions is to go straight through them. The more I sat with them the weaker they got until one day I realised I was letting something hurt me today that wasn’t actually real anymore. What happened years ago is not what’s happening today. I’m only getting upset about a memory, I have other more pleasant memories, I can make new memories.
The longer you remain sober the more choice you’ll have about what you let hold power over you so I wish you well on your journey and thank you for letting me share my experience.
Welcome again Abby.
Bing active on this app every day. Especially the gratitude thread has kept me sober. Eventually I got over my fear of going to AA meetings and now I’ve added that to my tool box. Being active on this app, sober community, and gratitude has been instrumental in me staying sober.
So happy you found us.
Welcome Abbey. It’s all been said in this thread, but you truly get out what you put in, at least I have found.
Read… lots. It helps understand that we’re not alone. That many folks share very similar stories. We are not a pariah in the world and we deserve happiness.
Sobriety is giving me soo much, I am eternally grateful, especially to this place.
I wish you all the best on your journey. It truly is amazing if you want it to be.
I appreciate you sharing. Meditation is definitely part of my plan (even found a 30 day challenge on here that I’ll be utilizing). I’ve tried in the past and felt like it was impossible because my mind feels so “noisy” for lack of a better term. Your perspective makes a lot of sense. A lot of my trauma is childhood trauma, but my recent trauma I was using as a catalyst or crutch to excuse my behavior. I know that I assign blame elsewhere because that’s easier than facing reality. Everything is a choice, letting other people’s actions effect me is a choice in itself. It doesn’t mean those things didn’t hurt, or greatly effect me, but it does mean I can choose to not allow them to hold power over me. I’m back again today and for that I’m grateful.
Hi Abby,
I can relate a lot to the childhood trauma and recent trauma being used as a justification to use…but when i stopped to actually think about it, i was just making myself stuck, dwelling on what i couldn’t change and what had been done to me instead of using that mental, emotional and physical energy to build more for myself. My alcohol abuse was just me giving myself more trauma…and since I have been doing it for so long it felt comfortable but it was never going to get me what I wanted. I want a better life than I was provided as a child, I can’t go back and fix what happened as it was always out of my control, but I can build that better life for myself, and only I can stop that from happening. I just started this group myself, realising that i could not do this without support…but I can do this. I wish you the best of luck and hope you continue here.
Welcome Abby. It was about the same point in my life that I started taking sobriety seriously (though I had known since I was 18 that I had a problem). Good on you for reaching out.
For me, I have taken input from several sources. I joined a recovery clinic in my city, which helped; I joined SA (twelve-step), which helped in a different way (I have made friends and found empathy there, and ongoing support, and it’s free - money is tight for me); I have meetings every two weeks with my counsellor, which is helping me unpack my individual hang-ups.
Made it a full week. 7 days. Today feels particularly difficult. My ex called me to talk to our daughter, he had definitely been drinking. Trying to pick a fight, as usual. No one quite gets under my skin like he does. I wish he didn’t have this power over me, but it feels beyond my control. The liquor store here closes in 40 minutes. I’ve been sitting here watching the clock. Every bit of me is screaming to go get a beer and say fuck it, but I’m not going to do it this time.
I’m sorry to hear that Abby - I haven’t been in your shoes but I can imagine how you feel. It’s not fair and it’s not right.
I know. The way he is behaving is wrong, hurtful, and manipulative.
It is.
But! it’s ok.
Weirdly, if you acknowledge it is outside your control, do you think maybe it loses some of its power? If you don’t have to feel guilty for not controlling it any more. No need to navigate the mind games, because you’re not playing; you’re not being drawn into the web of “if you do this you can have that” - the manipulative fake-control people use for emotional abuse.
None of this means you surrender anything as a mother. You are still mama bear and there is a reason I do not ever get in between a mother bear and her cubs. (I love wilderness camping and the outdoors so I take this very seriously.) She will do everything, every single possible thing, to keep those cubs safe. (There are many mighty mothers here on Talking Sober who have been in situations very similar to yours. You are not alone.)
But it does mean you surrender anything that’s about manipulating you, and manipulating your idea of yourself. (The mind game stuff.) All that mind game stuff is based on making you think you are losing control (losing control of who you are, of what you say, of what you did or didn’t do, of what people think of you). The fact is, you never had true control of these things. Even the ones you have some control over, there are so many variables that you can’t control most of it. So, you never had control to start with.
And since you never had control to start with, and you realize that, the manipulation loses its power. You are free, un-imprisoned, liberated from the BS.
Well, unfortunately I drank last night. I’m not even sure why. It wasn’t fun, I wasn’t angry, but I think it helped me realize I’m not missing anything. Stumbles happen, and I’m not going to allow it to ruin the progress I made. Back on the horse. I forgive myself and I can do this.
I say this bc I am just like you but if I now have one drink after 3 and a half years sober I have made no progress. We can definitely learn from our failures but first we have to acknowledge that’s what it was. Maybe if we don’t make that same mistake again only then we can call it progress. BTW I failed hundreds of times and had a different excuse every time hopefully one day you’ll be like me and I just run out of excuses. I wish you well on your journey
I was not drinking everyday until I was drinking everyday. couldn’t stay without drinking. And same. hangxiety and Bad decisions. I have a daughter, She’s 8.
and there is a reason I do not ever get in between a mother bear and her cubs. (I love wilderness camping and the outdoors so I take this very seriously.) She will do everything, every single possible thing, to keep those cubs safe. (There are many mighty mothers here on Talking Sober who have been in situations very similar to yours. You are not alone.)