After being sick in bed every other day for 9 years I decided for the 100th time that I would quit cold turkey. I embarrassed myself, I cried and during my horrible hangover I showed my mother in law a trash bag and entire suitcase full of empty wine bottles and whiskey bottles I was hiding not knowing how to get rid of them. I knew I had to embarrass myself this time. I begged everyone not to allow me to leave the house by myself because I can’t be trusted not to run to the liquor store every single day, sometimes twice a day when I didn’t buy enough. I feel out of it and I dream about it every night. I developed gastritis and horrible anxiety and depression. I’ve been to the hospital so many times I can’t count and owe more than 1000 dollars in hospital bills only because I drank so much I thought I was going to die in my sleep. I wake up to pictures in my phone that I don’t remember taking and just everything feels like a raw wound right now. I want to cry and kick my self in the ass for being so weak. Today is gonna be a hard day.
Hi & welcome. You’re in the right place: many people here have been in your shoes. Recovery can work, and it does get better if you work it - I promise.
Read around here, learn, get to know others’ stories, and you’ll find a lot of people on the same road as you.
You’re a good person, you matter, and you are loved and lovable. You deserve a safe, sober life where you can be who you want to be.
Welcome & we’re looking forward to walking your journey with you 
I can relate to this, I understand what you’re feeling. Don’t be embarrassed. Making the decision to quit is a huge positive move. Take it one day at a time, or even just an hour at a time. There is help on here I’ve found it useful. Don’t be negative to yourself. I know it’s easier said than done but you are moving forward now. Wishing you well
Welcome 
I wish you nothing but the best for your recovery. I find listening to podcasts when I’m tempted to drink really helps. I also removed all alcohol from my apartment.
Good vibes only to you 
You are courageous for starting over for the 100th time! I’m encouraged by you giving it another go💪🏿! I’m starting day 4 today for what seems like my 100th time as well! Keep yourself busy and try to focus on the fact that you didnt give up😊
Welcome, I’m very proud that you decided to quit. It is a big and hard step, but you did it. It will be hard, but the hurt will be nothing compared to the joy you will get from sobriety. The first week will be hard, but then it gets easier. You can maintain focus by checking in daily in the checking in daily to maintain focus thread. It’s also easier to think: just for today I’ll be sober, that seems way easier than if you think I will never drink again.
The shame will get less, remember you are not a bad person, the behaviour you’ve shown is bad and you can change behaviour. Again I’m proud that you’ve decided to get sober. Good luck, you’ve got this.
Welcome to the community… Gosh do I remember that feeling, waking up to messages I should not of been sending. Hating myself almost every day. I never thought I’d be able to get sober, but here i am. If I can do it you can too
Welcome.
You did a very hard thing today. You came to a public forum and admitted your problem.
Congratulations!
Im not saying the rest is easy (far from it) bit of you can do what you just did you can do the rest.
I encourage you to spend some time on these forums especially early on as they really helped me in the early days of my latest attempt of sobriety.
Good luck to you!
You CAN do this.
Welcome!! That sounds very tiring and anxiety inducing. I remember well being riddled with anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, more shame, and havint zero self esteem or confidence…the alcohol took away any and all positive feelings about my self. That ‘raw’ feeling …we know that too.
You did yourself proud admitting to your MIL and reaching out here as well.
The beauty is you never have to feel that way again. That raw anguished anxiety mess…that is courtesy of alcohol.
I will echo the others…reading on here can be very helpful and healing and provide us with resources and tips for navigating life while getting sober. It is a good place to start.
So happy you are here!
Hello Sarah 
Welcome in this group of awesome people. Most of us walked through the same or through similar stuff.
I used to drink for many years, too. But now I’m over 9 months sober 
I was also unsuccessfully trying to stop for long. But here I am today - sobriety is awesome
What really helped me from the beginning was this app and the “Recovery elevator” podcast from Paul Churchill on Podbean. I highly reccomend it 
I wish you good luck on this amazing journey 
You’re not alone.
Thank you everybody. The kind words mean a lot to me.
Hi there - I’m new to this forum as well. I’m working on my 10th day today and can’t believe I made it this far. I have similar stories, drinking while working, drinking with Ambien and sleep walking/cooking. Hiding my booze all over the house. I’ve tried many times over the last 12 years. You can do this! You will have a lot of support and positive feedback here. Not only take one day at a time, but hour by hour if you need to. You are not alone in this.
Sarah, the gift of desperation can be the starting point… Sounds like you are there.
Welcome! Drinking and Ambien are an awful mix…I can relate 100% to that. Congrats on your 10 days!!!
Yes it is…I could have burned the house down as I left soup on the stove and fell asleep…no bueno. Thank God I woke up before that happened.
I hear you. I used to drive to the store and buy booze and cigarettes…down and up a steep icy driveway. As well as ambien eating, falling out of bed repeatedly, talking (and scaring) my Mom on the phone and on and on. I am grateful to be well off the Ambien and booze train.
Hi and welcome Sarah. You are not alone. You CAN do this. Do not feel shame. It’s important to not let the past hinder today, there is nothing we can do about it except learn from it. Im convinced that the most powerful people on the planet are recovering addicts.
Try not to be so hard on yourself and learn from it. All you need to do is stop putting alcohol in your body. Soon as you stop doing that all these bad feelings will go away. Change your thinking change your life x
Good morning Sandy, welcome to the forum.
Welcome to the community. It’s hard when you first start off trust me I was there where you are at right now. I drank everyday didn’t think I had a problem. Always hid behind the beer, telling myself that i can quit whenever I wanted too. It took me some time to finally say this is it i’m done with this posion, well actually I had a bad experience in a get together with my family that finally did it, gave me that extra push to do it, now I am 115 days sober and haven’t had an urge believe it or not. Yeah I know I am surprised myself, the thing is that if you really want too, you can stop. Good luck with everything hopefully my story makes you think about being sober.