So, part of me isn’t sure why I am writing this. I have reached the 100 hour mark for the first time in over a year and a half. I’m an alcoholic. I tapered off successfully. The longest streak of sobriety I had was 90 days back in 2015. I’m 29 and part of me when I first realized I might be an alcoholic I was in disbelief that 24 years old I was already an alcoholic. I blamed it on being bipolar and on sexual assault. That it wasn’t the alcohol, it was these other things that if I conquered I could go back to drinking. Only, there was no way to conquer these things while drinking. I fell back into it hard a year and a half ago, hiding bottles, lying to loved ones that I wasn’t using, and lying to myself that as long as I drank just at night I would be fine. My best friend got married Saturday and I just decided that if I want any kind of lasting happiness like the kind she has I have to stop.
I am on vacation in New York right now and I am kind of laughing at myself that of course you’d choose to stop drinking when you are in one of the most fun cities to drink. But I know it’s not for fun I’d choose to drink. I am thinking of trying AA again, but even when I had that 90 days sober a few years ago, AA just didn’t feel like it was helping. But maybe I am wrong and maybe it was helping me stay sober.
I just know that drinking isn’t a way to deal with bipolar or assault. Im not using those troubles as an excuse, but I think I need to tackle drinking and the reasons I drink to stay sober. I am medicated for bipolar, but self medication makes those medicines ineffective.
I guess my main questions to this community are:
–are there programs other than AA you find useful
–how do you manage to stay sober around friends who drink (the wedding was hard because it was open bar. My best friend is not an alcoholic and has always been helpful when I’ve been open. I’m waiting a few weeks to tell her because I don’t want to mess up her honeymoon glow)
–things to fill up spare time that aren’t drinking
–any other advice that might be helpful.
I already feel physically better and emotionally better except for sudden mood switches where I get really anxious or for no reason feel like crying. It is amazing waking up without a hangover. It’s amazing feeling my body react possitively to sobriety.