First four days in over a year and a half


#1

Hello all,
So, part of me isn’t sure why I am writing this. I have reached the 100 hour mark for the first time in over a year and a half. I’m an alcoholic. I tapered off successfully. The longest streak of sobriety I had was 90 days back in 2015. I’m 29 and part of me when I first realized I might be an alcoholic I was in disbelief that 24 years old I was already an alcoholic. I blamed it on being bipolar and on sexual assault. That it wasn’t the alcohol, it was these other things that if I conquered I could go back to drinking. Only, there was no way to conquer these things while drinking. I fell back into it hard a year and a half ago, hiding bottles, lying to loved ones that I wasn’t using, and lying to myself that as long as I drank just at night I would be fine. My best friend got married Saturday and I just decided that if I want any kind of lasting happiness like the kind she has I have to stop.
I am on vacation in New York right now and I am kind of laughing at myself that of course you’d choose to stop drinking when you are in one of the most fun cities to drink. But I know it’s not for fun I’d choose to drink. I am thinking of trying AA again, but even when I had that 90 days sober a few years ago, AA just didn’t feel like it was helping. But maybe I am wrong and maybe it was helping me stay sober.
I just know that drinking isn’t a way to deal with bipolar or assault. Im not using those troubles as an excuse, but I think I need to tackle drinking and the reasons I drink to stay sober. I am medicated for bipolar, but self medication makes those medicines ineffective.

I guess my main questions to this community are:
–are there programs other than AA you find useful
–how do you manage to stay sober around friends who drink (the wedding was hard because it was open bar. My best friend is not an alcoholic and has always been helpful when I’ve been open. I’m waiting a few weeks to tell her because I don’t want to mess up her honeymoon glow)
–things to fill up spare time that aren’t drinking
–any other advice that might be helpful.

I already feel physically better and emotionally better except for sudden mood switches where I get really anxious or for no reason feel like crying. It is amazing waking up without a hangover. It’s amazing feeling my body react possitively to sobriety.


#2

Three years ago I realized that I have developed alcohol addiction habit. I went to AA meetings but at some subconscious level my addictive side was sabotaging me. After a year and half of not drinking, I relapsed. Over the last three years I have had four major relapses and each one was worse than the one before. Now, I am 30 days sober and it feels different this time around. Main reason for that is that I found an AA meeting where I feel right. It is clear that AA meetings/groups differ and you just have to find the one that works for you. I have done therapy, yoga, meditation but the meetings for me are by far more effective. I know people who stay sober with therapy and without meetings. You just have to really wish to be sober and find what works for you. Also, you are very young and even for me being 36 three years ago the thought of not being able to have a drink for the rest of my life was terrifying. Now, I don’t think about that. Instead, I think of what kind of life I wish to live and that the only way for me to do that is to be sober today. I am going to meetings once a week now and for me it is just like a massage - it makes me feel better and perform better. It is a safe environment where I can speak openly and not being ashamed. My dad also was an alcoholic and I had seen him only a few times in my life. I was raised in an environment where alcohol was evil. When I started to develop my addiction, I was ashamed and felt guilty. It has taken three years for me to feel at ease with who I am. As I said, no one else but you can make that decision to stay sober. But, finding support is very important. I think in the US there are other groups than AA. I am in Latvia and can’t suggest anything specific where you live. But keep on looking and moving forward. I try to keep in my mind that no matter how bad the day is, if I am sober, then it is a much better day than any day when I was drunk. One day at a time.


#3

Welcome!! Here is a link which has some helpful threads to get you started. :sunglasses:

Frequently Asked Questions:

it helps if u add the link… :stuck_out_tongue:


#4

In my opinion you have already made a huge step, the first 24 hours was the worst for me. I have only recently celebrated 30 days sober but I have learned how much better life can be without alcohol. You cannot solve any underlining problems while addicted. I go to AA meeting 3 times a week but I had to find ones that “fit” me. I hope you might find one that is for you. As far as staying busy, is there anything you always wanted to do or learn that addiction kept you from? I work out now, I read, I like learning new recipes and of course hanging with my kids. Just now we are all rooting for you and here if you ever need to share or just vent. Stay strong!


#5

There are plenty of meetings keep going until you find one that fits. There are addiction councilors that can help as well. I use this website along with AA. I quit drinking for a long period of time without help and it was miserable. The only thing that changed was I did not drink. My thinking was still negative and I battled depression and anxiety attacks. Going to meetings helps me keep my thinking straight and I come on here for times to share my story or get advice. It is great for the odd times of the night or to get different prospective. You can do this.


#6

Hello!
I first want to say thanks for the votes of confidence. I’m up at 8am and ready for a workout, something I’d never have been able to do not sober. I will definitely look up other AA meetings and try to find one that works. I tried about three–and one that I went to I just didn’t like, and the other two I went to had mostly older people in it and at times I felt could be judgmental, just from conversations I’d over hear before and after meetings. That made meetings a little intimidating because I already felt such shame for being an addict, that it just added another layer to that shame rather than help me to look at my recovery in a more constructive way. It brings me relief and hope reading threads, reading messages from everyone, and know that people’s work towards sobriety is paying off, that there is no such thing as being too far gone.


#7

Hello, hello!
I started binge drinking at 13. Which by 16 had turned into nightly binge drinking, and even taking alcohol to school with me in my water bottle. Fast forward to age 28 when I bought a business and cut myself down to twice a week. But I made up for the other 5 missing nights of binge drinking on those 2 days.
I stopped drinking 407 days ago. At around 90 days sober I went to my dr. And told her i thought I was bipolar 1. I had no idea I was bipolar because my drinking covered it up. I am on limotrigine /lamictal now, and it’s been a godsend for my mental well being. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or counselor at all?


#8

The steps are not all easy but they help. The people in the meetings are there to help. Helping new people helps keep them sober. One of the steps is to share the gift and give back. Take your time. You don’t have to share if you are not comfortable. Being sober is more that not drinking. I have met some great people I wish the same for you to. At the very least use this website. One day at a time.


#9

Wow, that reminded me I used to keep a bottle of vodka in my locker at school way back when.


#10

If only i knew then what I know now, huh?


#11

Oh idk all that life brought me some wonderful things. I would have preferred not to have gone down the drinking rabbit hole but I guess it was only a matter of pick your addiction.

I did WAY more drugs than drinking when I was in high school.