I blacked out and drove wreckless with my kids in the truck. I traumatized my son who is only 7. He didn’t understand why I was so different. I had him in the passenger seat. I fell asleep at a red light. He woke me up. The following morning at breakfast he asked why did I drive so fast, why I acted like that, telling me I didn’t feed Bella my 3yr old daughter, telling me drivers were honking the horn, telling me he was scared and that he hit his head. This broke my heart in pieces. I apologized. I promised him I’d get help because he has witnessed my intense sadness. My parents passed 3 months apart in 2025. I’ve been raising my kids on my one income for > 3years now as my daughter will be 4 in July. I developed this horrible problem. He never witnessed this. I don’t recognize myself and I’m scared. He told me he tried really hard waking me up and telling me to slow down because he knows how hard I worked for our truck and how he didn’t want me in jail. I quit drinking from 2/10 (date of incident) till 3/4. My drinking continued from 3/4-5/27 where I blacked out behind the wheel again this time alone and crashed into my friends car. This is just two recent incidents. There are so many more in between on self abandonment…So many. I’m lucky to still be alive.
You’re here now. You’re alive and well and so are your kids. Welcome to the forum! Peer support is one of the pillars of recovery friend. Wherever you can find it. I found it right here. Let’s make today the first day of the rest of your life.
You’re on day three of your sobriety yes? Let’s do this. Changing your life will take work, a lot of it, but it’s totally doable. Many examples here. Have a good long look around, read, learn, share, support, be supported. Don’t go it alone as alone is death. Wishing you all success friend. Big hugs.
Thank you @Mno. I appreciate your kindness.
Hey La, welcome to TS! As I type this I’m thinking about what I thought was my own rock bottom…until I decided, not long after, that I could probably drink again safely. Spoiler alert: I could not.
I’m really glad you’re here–this place is full of people who understand what you’re going through. Reading here every time I had an urge really helped me through the first few weeks of my sobriety, and even though I feel more settled in it now, I come here several times a day–as some wise person on here said, to devote as much time and effort to my sobriety as I did to drinking.
Do you have any plans/support to help you stay sober?
Hey @Kjcj,
I don’t have support. All my siblings are great individuals but they all drink heavily too. Gatherings, birthdays, etc. I don’t want to isolate but I naturally due whenever I attempt sobriety. I know the importance of me kicking this. My kids need me to lead them and I can’t be an example if I’m drunk. I miss myself if I’m honest. What has helped keep me going has been journaling, praying, and hitting the gym. Yet, I tend to revert back. I need to find a new circle of friends/support that Iive soberly and set an example that fun can be had without drinking. I too have lied to myself in that I can control my drinking but I can’t. I’ve heard negative things about AA meetings but debate of if I should try it out for myself. I drink to ease the load of financial stresses which only puts me into more debt and also to ease my emotional pain with my losses. Any suggestions are appreciated…
There are a lot of people here who have had great experiences with AA, and I know there are online meetings 24/7. Tagging in @JasonFisher and @SinceIAwoke who I know off the top of my head have great wisdom here. There are also other recovery programs, like SMART.
Please read around here. Reading the experiences of other addicts has helped me a ton.
All of that said, you can come here and lean on us, too. Every single one of use is rooting for you. 
You can do this.
Your post is spot on because it’s the truth. Honesty to ourselves & others is priority to change our thinking about our relationship with booze & drugs. And, we bullshitted ourselves into lots of bad spots too many times. No need to revisit that shit.
We don’t have to do this walk alone & AA gave me the foundation I needed to live life differently. You being here helps me too so no reason to go back to our old ways, La, it only leads to misery…
Us folks who have the drink problem get to end up 3 ways; locked up, covered up or sobered up. Hugs friend!
Welcome to the group!
A whole lot of things to know, including a variety of communities to try out.
Welcome to Talking Sober, friend. You have some pretty significant consequences to deal with, that’s sure. You seem to be highly motivated to change, and coming here is evidence of that and a great first move!
Prayer and journaling were a big part of my early sobriety. Both of those were in the context of working the steps of the AA program with a sponsor. I asked the first guy that I identified with, at my second meeting back at AA, to help me through getting sober. He started me on reading a single chapter every day and praying. We moved onto using study guides to take each of the steps, and I used the questions in the guides as prompts for my journaling. I started my days with reading and prayer and journaling for months and months. I had to change my life to be built around sobriety, rather than fitting sobriety into it. So I did things like get up an hour earlier each day, one to have some quiet time (my kids were 3 and 6 then, so they needed a lot of direction in the morning) and two, to have the time to journal.
AA is so good in so many ways. It provides social support, a specific program of action, and literature to help guide us through. If you have reservations about AA, as many people do, keep this in mind: The people in AA know how to get sober and stay sober and live full lives. When I showed up, those were skills I simply did not have. I did have an inkling of a thought that they demonstrated to me is true - everything is gonna be alright.
Blessings on your house 
as you come back to the path of sobriety.
Thank you all for the support. I will find an AA near me and attend with a heart to receive.
Glad you are here. Sounds like you are right at the point where things are bad, but you haven’t done anything irreversible yet. Time to dive into recovery. I second trying online meetings. They can be a good gentle introduction to what they are like, and then you will have more confidence to walk i to a f2f one. Keep us posted, we are here to support.
Welcome to the community @Linksharlow37 .
Very glad you have found us here. I see you’ve been given some advice and some links to start reading already from others . This place has given me lots of help and support to stay sober. I hope you can find it as helpful here as well . You can do this !
In this community a lot of people find it helpful to check in daily on the “checking in daily to maintain focus” thread. It does exactly that. Lets you give an update every day in a big group of people who are on a similar path. It will help you get to know people on the site and for them to get to know you and give you support. Staying in your own thread works also but you will tend to get more support if you’re in the big group. Hopefully you will get some outside help also.
I’m glad you’re here.
Proud of you to share your story so honestly. I think it takes great courage to do so.
I´m glad you and your kids are okay, physically at least. I can imagine it was terrifying for them. How are they now? Do they still talk about the vent? Or dream about it? Maybe it would help if they can express themselfs in a drawing and tell you about it?
It´s so painful to know how much we hurt people around us, and still keep reaching for the bottle. The pain and feelings of guilt make it even harder. But it can definitely motivate you as well. Maybe it can help to put pictures of your kids from happy moments together all around the house and your truck?
I think you really should try to see for yourself how AA is in your neighborhood. The groups can be so different so other people´s bad experiences don´t have to be yours. I hope it will be a nice group and you will feel supported there.
Wishing you lots of strenght 
Welcome to the community.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step, many people never admit to themselves so congrats on that! 
You are trying your best to be better and you should be proud of yourself. Your kids have a great mom and I am positive you will overcome this issue and that you are strong enough.
If I can help anyhow, reachout.
All the best 
My daughter is 3, the morning after that event on 2/10 she made comments like “momma not nice”, my son he sat with me and expressed in detail what that experience was like for him and how he never seen me like that, it was as if he was trying to understand what possessed me, he is 7. I gave him space to express himself. His little self was like it’s okay momma I know you miss abuela and abuelo. I told him that my behavior and actions were not okay and that I sincerely apologize and would get help. I held them both. I was so upset with myself and so thankful that we made it home alive. I used my self anger to fuel me not drinking for a little, then picked it back up on 3/4. From 3/4 I began drinking more till my most recent blackout on 5/27. Now I’m here. I’m thankful I came across this app and can openly speak on these events as I’m so ashamed to talk to my siblings or friends. I will touch base with my kids and have them draw what home feels like so I can better understand them. Thank you all so much!!!
The fact that you’re being this honest and self-aware says a lot about the kind of mother you truly are. Your kids already saw something powerful — not just the painful moment, but a mom who took accountability, apologized sincerely, and is now choosing to fight for herself and for them.
What your son said is heartbreaking, but also full of love and compassion. Children don’t need perfection, they need safety, honesty, and consistency. You’re already taking important steps by listening to them instead of avoiding it. Having them draw what home feels like is such a caring idea.
Please don’t let shame convince you that you’re beyond help. Many of us have had that “I’ll stop after this” moment only to find ourselves drinking again days or weeks later. That doesn’t mean you failed — it means this disease is real and recovery has to become the priority every single day.
The beautiful thing is: you’re here now. Alive. Aware. Willing. Your children still get to grow up with a mom who chose recovery before it was too late. One day at a time. 
I think it takes a lot of strength to be that vulnerable and listen to your kids the way you did. Holding space for them, while having so much pain yourself shows you´re a good mum wanting the best for her kids. I hope you can show yourself kindness as well