Good evening all,
I don’t know where to begin but I will keep this as short and sweet as I can. And please don’t take my name an picture as to who I am. I picked something I liked as a kid for animosity.
39 year old here, always enjoyed going out for drinks in my late teens, 20s and early 30s. Most days could have 2-3 drinks in a night; back then beer and be ok: a few times a year get loaded. Since probably 2019, switched to wine years prior but the days off I could have 1 bottle then 2 secretly alone. COVID hit and thinking initially it was the end of the world starts pumping 1-2 bottle of red 5 days a week.
Then the end of COVID came and my mother passed away. She was a survivor of a famous serial killer and survived. She had her own issues from that which haunted me for years: when she died I upped my game a little. And we had history mostly good but bad at the end history which honestly I moved on for today. The last year it went to 3 bottles when I do drink. Although I have had longer off periods this year. I’ve been mentally preparing myself for having nothing a long time, I did get this all 2 weeks ago as an observer which helped me.
The most recent days that I drink I felt I could have died which how much I drank and how I felt the next day.I don’t know why I allow myself to drink that much. I took off a few days but today is the last day I wanted to drink and feel confident about not doing so. Although I did drink earlier and not a lot like usual.
It’s weird, I have always been from the outside and super together. I know my triggers; it’s not a party or a weekend bar thing. Those times i generally don’t drink: it’s the alone time. Grabbing some wine on the way home from work. Being alone and drinking or secretly drinking. Or getting a bottle while Doing errands. No one knows this about me because although I have a family I’ve always been private and can hold my wine or make excuses.
I really am looking forward to tomorrow to start fresh. This app as an observer has been great and I am
Finally comfortable with my 1st post and my 2nd reset.
Music has also helped me prepared for this. Although a life long fan, I have found Alice and chains MTV Unplugged soundtrack as a real help to prep me and help me through my most recent sober days. Many of those songs can totally hit home to any addict and do for me.
Thank you to all who read all this or those who skimmed
