Life goes so fast i wanna be comfortable in my old age not scraping away trying to survive i need to finally wake up and relize that some things in this world can wait untill i have my life in order
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I think you have already realized it. I read your post and everything in the post says you want to do better. The next step is to do it. You Got Thus
Hi and welcome Chris 🙋
Admitting you have a problem is a huge step and you just took that one, congratulations!
Now doing something about it is going to be the work 
My advice? Start today! Make this day your day one and stop using whatever you are using.
Read here al lot, there is a lot of info on all kinds of addictions.
Go get that better life, it’s on you! 
Hi Chris and welcome! Everybody starts recovery the day they stop using. At first, I just wanted the pain of drinking and failure and consequences to stop. And that pain did stop pretty quickly. Soon after, some small positives of sobriety began to appear.
Today I work a program of recovery not to avoid drinking, but because I have such profound gratitude and deep happiness and inner peace. I feel out of balance when those positives start slipping even a little bit.
If you want to give up your addiction and surrender to sobriety, here’s a thread full of resources that have helped others.
I used counseling, AA, Antabuse and getting arrested to get sober.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.