Hello, everyone: my name is Mackenzie, and I was addicted to painkillers (Vicodin) for about 2-3 years. I am 22 years old. I actually just completed rehab last Wednesday. I went in voluntarily. I was so ready to leave even though it was a great place, but now that I have left I just want to go back. The controlled environment was so much safer. I’m so nervous about letting down my dad again. I’m on Rivea, but my mother already died of a prescription overdose. If I relapse I will lose my family forever. My small town has only one NA/AA meeting a week. I need help. Please someone help me. I’m scared of falling back into my old ways. What helped you stay clean? What did you do to keep busy? I feel like a fish that got taken out of a fishbowl and got thrown into the ocean and was told to find my way home. I’m scared and lost. Please somebody help me.
Big hugs. You are here. You are clean. You are learning your way. My advice is to stay far away from places and people from your past and have a support person you can call if you ever feel tempted to slip back to using painkillers.
Is there a therapist you could schedule some time with every week? Between a few therapy sessions plus NA/AA meetings you could be checking in with support people several times a week. As for keeping busy: look for crafts to do on pinterest; find a volunteer organization that needs people before, during, or after events to help out; pick up a new hobby; go to school and get your AA or BA.
Check in daily with us - the group here is amazing support. Welcome and congrats on starting your recovery journey!
Welcome, Mackenzie–glad you are here! This forum will be a great supplement to your weekly meetings. In addition, daily phone calls and also telephone 12 step meetings. Telephone NA meetings can be found online. And there are many AA meetings by phone.
I live in a rural area as well. I’m lucky I have 2 AA meetings a week and a 3rd I open up for but it’s usually me. One Celebrate Recovery meeting a week which falls on a night with my AA meeting. Okay I left rehab in January of this year. I hit every local meeting I can. And this board helps fill in some of the meeting desire. But while at rehab I made some amazing friends. I would reach out to them several times. I still stay in contact with several but it has moved from need to keeping in touch for the most part. I also found some friends in my local meetings and we chat a visit occasionally. It takes time to find the support you need in a rural area. At first I traveled to meetings on my nights I didn’t have a local one. That’s from as close as the next town 35 miles away, to a great alumni meeting at my rehab center 2 hours away. For awhile your sobriety/recovery has to come first. I also found reading recovery material helped me. So what ever it takes do it! You are worthy. I’m actually traveling tonight to visit a rehab friend that relapsed and is back in treatment. Find support, a sponsor and later share your gift with others. Everyone has to find there own path but if you feel like you are drowning reach out. That’s what we do for eachother. Keep at it. It’s so worth it. I will be looking forward to my 1 year chip this month, if I keep practicing my rituals to give me my daily reprieve. Best wishes.
Oh just recommendations exercise and meditation help emensly also.
Hi there. I just ordered the book Guts by Kristen Johnsten (actress from 3rd Rock from the Sun). She was addicted to vicodin, so maybe it would be a good book for you? I was (am) a wine addict, day 28 today. The book Recovery by Russell Brand is what convinced me to sober up.
Welcome to a better happier way of life. You’ve done the right thing to seek outside help. Everytime I tried to get sober alone I failed many many times. It wasn’t until I found outside help I found long term soberity I’m currently at 128days not once in my adult life(26 years old) have I had this long of soberity. I will never go back to my old ways. Like you I was worried about dissipointing my loved ones… But the true free is dissipointing yourself. This isn’t for anyone but you. You seem to want soberity not need it. There is a huge difference between the two. You recognize going back will cause you to lose things you love. Don’t worry about this all you have to do is love yourself, forgive yourself of your past. Separate the person you are from your disease because what we have as addicts is a disease that is treated one day at at time. Do not fear relapse or the lost of things you have. They aren’t gone and you can keep them. How? Chocie. You chose what you do next and your going to chose to keep what it is you have. Why? Because all of us are fighters, survivors and strong willed people. This is a fight for you and you have survived with your choice or rehab. You @October28 (Mackenzie) are a survivor. You are aware for the first time in sometime of all your feelings and this is overwhelming at first and you have to be kind and compassionate to yourself in this difficult time. The suggestions that have been made are very important the path to freedom of self is laid out in many forms. Meetings, sponsers, this forum, material online, a higher power, doing things that you love, doing the next right thing. Your power is in your hands now use it to serve yourself with love. It’s what everyone whom cares about once for you now want it fully for yourself. We will love you until you can. We will have faith in you always. We stay sober together.
Welcome! I know you must be terrified, but you should be so proud of yourself for completing rehab and now reaching out here for support and advice! Stay busy, exercise, read books about recovery, find a hobby like crafts or yoga or bike riding, just stay busy. And just focus on one day at a time, the big picture is too scary so just keep it simple. Check in here often, there are so many nice people here.
I will definitely look that book up. Thank you.
Thank you so much. It’s very comforting to hear calm words. I just do not want to ruin everything I’ve been working towards.
I’ve always had trouble meditating. Is there anything I can do to help? Anything you did to help start the new routine?
Thank you. What do the phone meetings consist of?
Thank you. I was able to make an appointment with a therapist I used to see. When I check in here, do I post the same way I did for this? It’s very hard getting back out there because I feel like I halfway reset my life. I lost all of my old “friends” because I don’t do drugs anymore, but I can’t make many new ones because my reputation has still stuck with me. It’s very discouraging.
How to start the routine…the uneasy feeling you have now, that’s your mind telling you to get your ass moving. If inside you are in turmoil you need to try to alleviate it. But we all know you are going to feel anxiety and a plethora of other emotions. But you are definitely worried about your recovery so that’s the sign. You just do until you form a new routine. Man I wish I was in my 20’s and didn’t get old man tired. So just push and push more. Exhaustion is often good at first. I went to my rock star meeting last night and there were 4 that came back that had roughly 2 months. Out of those 4, 3 have gone to zero meetings all the way up to 2 meetings that’s in 40 days out of rehab. 1 has hit a steady dose of meetings and like me is driving to several. So guess what we heard from that group? How shitty it was, it’s hard, we just need… Then the one who hit regular meetings talked and his life wasn’t perfect or easy but he was keeping his head above water. So I say this because it is similar to your story, we are all busy. But the truth is we make time for what we deem important! I responded to your other post to so if that guy was local you would of made time for him right? So how important is recovery, it’s only your life back? Okay to answer meditation issue two thoughts here. If it’s like you can’t slow your mind then what ever thoughts are filling it write them down and try again tomorrow and just repeat. Next meditation doesn’t have to be the whole na-ma-stay (I know I butchered this) thing. It’s a time to drown out the outside world slowing down and connecting. Okay one more thought here you talked about old friends and lack of new ones. Give it time! As addicts we like shit our way and yesterday is to late. But it doesn’t work that way. So just keep trudging through these times and you will be surprised what just emerges. Best wishes.
Hi Mackenzie,and congrats! So glad to hear you wanting to stay clean. Its not easy by any means but it is possible. For me my soberity came from my understanding of a higher power which is choose to call God. Good j9b keeping up with meeting you are able to attend. Like many other have mentioned there are online meetings as well that may be helpful. I also picked up a daily devotion for recovery book which helps tremedlously. Also working the programs and bring aware of your triggers and thought stopping all help to prevent relapse. Beat of wishes to you on your new journey. Your doing great!
Easy does it,
Tiffany
Sometimes they have a speaker meeting. Usually there is a theme and also readings from the Big Book. After initial reading, the leader opens it up to shares from people with a certain amount of sobriety, like three months, to set the tone. After three of those, anyone can share. Later, just newcomers are given a chance to intro themselves or comment. At the end, everyone who wishes claims their seat. Quality of meetings caries, but I always get something out it. Leaders vary monthly. I don’t share, bc use I’m not an alcoholic. But I learn a lot and it helps me stay sober. Noon and 10 pm. 1-712-432-0075. Access code 654443# These numbers may change occasionally, and there are other phone meetings I’ve never been to.