Once again coming here. I dont remember last night. Woke up to my friend blocking me on everything. Have no idea what happened. I have to stop drinking. I know in a few days I wont feel so bad and ill want to. I knew I shouldn’t have drank last night and yet I did it anyway. I dont know what im expecting to get by typing this. My friends also an alcoholic. But he doesnt turn into a complete first class idiot as I do when im black out drunk. I know I shouldn’t drink and yet I do it anyway. Ive been slowly drinking more and more these last few months. To almost every day. Generally five to six days a week. I realized I was building a tolerance and that scared me. Im just rambling but I need to say this some where. Anyway, im coming back here. I have to be better.
Welcome back. You need a plan. We all do. We all need our own personal plan to become and stay sober. To forge ourselves a new life, a life where we don’t need to drink ourselves into oblivion.
Our own personal plan. There are lots of similar elements in each plan though. This thread might help you. Wishing you all success friend
Ive talked to my parents already and told them I really want to quit and I need their support. Guess that’s a step one.
Im feeling so much anxiety from not knowing what I did. Part of me also doesnt want to know. Just trying to tell myself over and over again. That I never have to drink again. I can just be the person im supposed to be. And that is a sober one. I can be a real jack ass when drunk. Thats not the person I want to be. Im stuck in my head and hating myself for the stupid things ive done while black out drunk. I am so ashamed for how stupid I am. The time is not passing fast enough. I just need to remember these feelings for when the inevitable wanting to drink feeling will eventually return. I need to be strong enough to ask for help when it does.
Welcome back to the forum! Glad ur here. Im sorry to hear about ur experience last night. Sounds pretty unsettling.
It might be helpful to write these feelings down. I know for myself that when im craving a drink/drug, my mind has a hard time remembering the consequences and the negative emotions that comes with drinking/using. So if we write it down on paper or put it in ur phone, u can physically see them and retrain ur brain from wanting to drink/use.
Right now, its important to focus on the positive steps ahead. There will eventually be a time (especially if u go thru the 12 steps… if u are into attending meetings) where u can make amends for past mistakes. But right now, try to focus on today and being sober today. Feelings of shame and guilt can trigger drinking and u dont need that right now 
Havs u ever attended an in person or online meeting? That may be helpful Meetings have been super helpful for me.
My other friend told me that i should write this all down on paper. So I can look at it when I want to drink next time. I was thinking about typing it all out on my phones notepad application.
First thing I did this morning was dump whatever booze I had left out.
Ive been to court ordered meetings years ago when I got a dui. Ive had two. But, I didn’t enjoy them. I know there are online groups I was thinking about trying to find one. All my stupidity of whatever I said last night happened on discord in a group voice chat. I have no idea what I did. But im assuming I was being mean and such. That’s probably putting it nicely. Ive been slowly self sabotaging myself lately with drinking more and more. I dont want to ruin my life. I dont want to end up in jail. I dont want to lose my job. I hate losing friends cause of my drinking. Ive lost so many over the years.
Its time I started caring about myself and actually trying. I really haven’t been trying. I know alcohol has never done anything positive for me. I know its only hurt myself and the people I care about.
Thank u for sharing that, I can tell u really have the determination and the want to quit. If u want to check out online meetings, I use the Intherooms app. Its free. You just download the app, create an account, and then u can look at all kinds of meetings. They happen at all diff times (even late at night). No need to show ur face or to speak if u dont want to. Thats what i like about it lol
I like ur honesty in ur post too. Thats great self awareness in knowing that u havent really been giving sobriety an honest try. We must jump into sobriety with both feet. Cant have 1 foot in the problem and the other foot in the solution. It just doesnt work. But ya, im glad ur spending time on here and hopefully ull be able to find some good suggestions as well for other things that may work for u and ur sobriety
Welcome back. Sounds like you know what you need to do, and I agree with Mno about having a plan. It sucks who we can become when we drink, and you realising that’s not who you are is so important, and also who you don’t want to be. It’s good you reached out, and are taking steps.
I know Im still hung over and I always say im going to stop drinking when hung over and feeling sorry for myself. I just dont want to lose this determination. Maybe the loss of this friendship is the kick I needed to actually be sober. And im definitely going to check out that app.
Ive spent pretty much all day on here reading stuff trying to make myself feel better.
I know i can’t do one foot in and one foot out any more. I have to actually try. And be willing to ask for help when I struggle. I know I have at most a week of not wanting to drink. Im always so positive I can do it. Then a few days go by and im right back to it. These last few months I havent tried at all. Just drinking almost every night. Trying to keep at my limit before I know I start acting extra crazy. Thank you for the kind words. Talking on here helps keep me from over thinking today.
Thank you. I know im a good person. But, im a absolute jack ass mean drunk sometimes and I have no idea why. I am not like that at all when im sober. My other friend told me today. That youre a good person and youre only a complete jack ass when you drink. And you just have to realize that you simply can not drink. I know nothing positive has ever happened cause of my drinking.
Thats a good idea. My mother just said the same thing about half an hour ago. When I was talking to her on how im still anxious and hating myself. She said how about you record yourself feeling this way and watch it later when you want to go to the liqor store.
Welcome back
Thank you. Im going to stick around and I mean it this time. I can’t do this any more. Im tired of hurting. I want to be better.
Ohhhh ive been there. The guilt and shame in the pit of my stomach. My advice is to learn as much as you can about addiction and start collecting healthy coping strategies.
I highly recommend annie grace 30 day experiment. That kickstarted my journey. Learned about it here
Its been a struggle all day. Ive felt so ashamed for losing a friend and I dont even remember why. It hurts, I have done so much pacing back and forth today that my calfs are sore. Because just sitting down or laying down felt wrong. And is that a book? Something I can read online for free?
That sucks. Use the suck to fuel change before you stop feeling so bad and the addictive thinking takes hold.
Oh looks like its a book but i signed up for free online at this link
That’s what Im worried about. When is the addictive thinking going to come back. I have to be strong so I don’t immediately fall back into the old ways. And ill give that a look and a read.
Im sure youve built up a habit like many of us have. The hardest part will be breaking the habit and routines. Its going to be uncomfortable. But it doesnt last forever. One day at a time, the more you resist the urge to use and the more healthy coping skills you find the easier it will be.
I fully agree with Cjp.
It’s not easy. You know you have to do it. Don’t overthink the past. Think about the right now.
I had to quit drinking, full stop. It was boring, lonely and I lost contact with a lot of my old friends.
100% best decision I’ve made. It will get easier with time and practice.
I kept a journal. Everyone is different, but I prefer to put a pen to paper. Kind of feels like reading a letter to myself. I’m 594 days sober. You can do it.
You’re not alone. Hang in there and welcome.
I pretty much just drink alone in front of my computer or get drunk and find people to talk to on diacord or a few phone calls. Im thinking I need to avoid playing video games for a little while. I normally drink and play video games. Im so lonely I think that’s why when I drink I make it a mission to find someone to drunk call.