Thank you. I haven’t decided if I want to write or type. But im leaning towards paper to avoid my computer. I think my pc could trigger me. Im usually drinking when on it playing video games. Im pretty much going to be living on this app for a while. Im still mildy anxious as I was yesterday. Trying to go to bed early ans sleeping for 10 hours didnt help as much as I was hoping for.
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That sounds like a good plan. Stay strong today. Make the decision to go to bed sober and then when cravings come, the decision has already been made
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Im not too worried about today. Im still too upset with myself for whatever black out me did the other day. And I know its not a proper fix but its to help. I live with my parents. My mother has all my money. Ive told her under no circumstances if I text her and ask for a picture of my debit to do it. We had a long talk the other day. I was always afraid to talk to them about my problem. But, I think after losing this friendship its finally time to be sober. And I was just ready to give a real run. Currently at work and I have one hour down. Nine hours to go before I head home.
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First thing 
I can real feel your pain. Today was tough for you! And the drunk happening from last night are very fresh. totally sucks to wake up hangover, not knowing what all happened the night before but enough to know that it was a drunken mess. Been there one to many times. The morning of shame and regret.
But if you don’t pick up that first drink then this will be the last time you wake with alcohol fueled regrets.
Right now, just take a deep breath and breathe.
Just focus on what you can control right now which this very minute. Then the next.
It was very helpful to me at the beginning of journey not to think forever terms. Never, never drink again, my head said “are you crazy, never, forever ” But that is the reality and what we must do.
So focus on the now and what you need to get your head on the pillow, at the end of day alcohol free. Take care of the day you are in.
What has happened in the past, it is done and unfortunately there nothing that can change it.
But Hopefully, after sometime has passed and you have some sober time. You and your friend can work it out. But for now, they probably just need a little space to cool down.
Glad you are here and taking that step again. I’m rooting for you . There’s a lot of good information and support here. I know i practically lived 24/7 whatever it takes to grow that sober muscle
I wish all the best on your journey. please do give yourself some grace and get some rest. Go to bed early tonight ( your body probably could use some rest) keep it simple for the next couple days, focus on getting to bed sober! You got this @Techpro92 !
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Here a post I found helpful
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I am not going to try and force our friendship to continue. If he wants to ever unblock me he can. Sadly its probably for the best. Hes also an alcoholic and he’s a better one than me. I have just been acting more and more crazy when getting hammered. Its best that our friendship parts ways even though it hurts me to say that. Maybe if I get some soberity behind me and if he ever reaches out again. We can continue a friendship. Its like throwing a two sticks of dynamite into s room and alcohol is the fire and expecting there not to be a problem.
Im just going to focus on my soberity and actually working on it this time. I will not drink today and I will make it to my bed today sober after work.
I tried to go to bed early last night cause I just didnt want to be alone with my thoughts. Probably slept too much even though it was not restful sleep. I woke up and immediately was anxious and in my head again. Im guessing its going to be a week or two before I feel nornal again. Then thats when the real soberity challenges are going to kick in.
I appreciate all the kind words im getting and support. Im definitely going to be on here alot until I feel like I have a graps on being sober.
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I truly, I’m pulling for you and your success. But please don’t tell yourself he is a better alcoholic. There is no alcoholic better than another alcoholic. if they are alcoholic too, hope your friend will eventually decide to get sober. But that for them to decide. Alcohol destroys our lives when we can’t control it. Speaking for myself there, as one is never enough and neither is the bottle. Stay sober!
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I guess im just saying that to try and cope with what happened. Or help me accept what ive done. I know alcohol is nothing but posion and I have to stop. I know not drinking is always better than drinking. Im not going to worry about his soberity and only focus on myself. For a while I was trying to help him. But, can’t be doing a blind leading the blind thing.
Also, ive been reading through that post you shared and its been a very interesting read. Ive never really looked into what alcohol does to the brain. Ive definitely been drinking long enough that my brain definitely needs to be rewired.
Im just taking it hour by hour until its time to go home from work. Two hours down and eight more hours to go.
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if that’s all you can manage right now, there’s nothing wrong with that.. When my anxiety kicks i, I’ve have to do minute by minute, no big deal..
I just wanted to suggest that you check out either in-person or virtual AA meetings, start working the steps and get over this. You don’t have to drink all the time, I’ve been clean/sober for almost 7 years and I love my life, I feel good, which is what I wanted the alcohol and substances to do for me.
There is an amends process built into the 12 steps of AA, deal with all that S***then 
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I downloaded another app for online AA meetings that someone suggested. I havent decided if im going to try and do the whole 12 step things. But, I figured at the bare minimum and I can just sit and listen. And absolutely stay active on here. Unlike in the past where ive logged in for a day or two and then disappeared.
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what do you have to lose and what do you have to gain by getting and staying sober?
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I know i have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being sober. Ill admit old thoughts came in a few times today at work where I was like time to drink after work. But, I kept telling myself no you dont do that any more. I did over indulge though on lunch and eat too much.
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Hello, that’s what I used to do drink by myself and watch YouTube videos. And as far as that, feeling of guilt and shame, you don’t have to feel that way create your own rock bottom right now, or else alcohol will do it for you.
One thing my friend told me is you’re gonna have to change your entire routine even where you sit. And it’s true. You know that chair that you said when you drink, move it to the other room. Throw it away unless it’s really nice if you want to keep it. You have to break the cycle, break the habit. I know you will be so much happier when you do. Mornings will become glorious best wishes, Bobby.
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Id give those options a try. But, I live with my parents. I have the same room. And its a very small room. I am tempted to throw away the chair though. Ive had this same chair for 16 or 17 years. One of the arms broke off it about three years ago.
But, I made it through day three and im ready to own day 4 of sobriety tomorrow. Honestly im already feeling much better. Considering ive been drinking almost every day for the last two or three months.
I texted my mother today a few times when I told her I was having thoughts of drinking. Which is something ive never ever done with my parents. Is talk about it when im getting the thoughts of drinking. Even though they said they would help me with this issue the last ten years or more. And ive never really let them.
I am absolutely trying to use this friendship I lost as a rock bottom. Even though he’s my alcoholic friend. Hes a good guy and im sad I made him pissed off enough to block me. I dont even know what i did cause i was black out drunk. But, it could potentially be the best thing to happen to me. When we hung out in person. We drank. We’d play video games together online, we drank. Our friendship the last 7 or more years. Video games and drinking together online. Up until recently we have hung out a total of 5 times. Every single time in person. Video games and getting drunk.
Ive tried to get him on the sober wagon with me. Said we’d do it together. Hes not ready. Losing this friendship has giving me so much motivation. I am sad and grateful at the same time. I dont know if that makes any sense.
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Well, I’m sorry you lost your friend. But honestly, once you take care of yourself and get yourself right, you can end up being friends again. But honestly, if right now he’s your drinking buddy, it might be a blessing in disguise that you guys don’t talk for a while. But good job on day three! I don’t know how deep you are but alcohol withdrawals are no joke. Drink a lot of fluids! Best wishes, Bobby.
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The more I think about it. If he was to reach out after six months of me having soberity and he’s still drinking. Id probably keep that door closed if it was to occur. Luckily I am not as bad as him as far as it goes. I dont suffer seizures if I dont drink. I was a little shakey the first two or three days. But, that could have just been nerves. I dont feel too bad today other than absolutely sleeping like crap. I had to come into work early today. Tried to go to bed early but it didnt work out very well. I have been trying to drink at least 64 oz of water every day at the bare minimum. I keep forgetting to take these multi vitamins I bought also. Need to just set one out every night before bed by my keys and wallet for in the morning.
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This is the type of comparison that will make you think you’re not as bad as you thought you were. Those thoughts will absolutely lead back to a drink. Rather than worry about other people’s problems you should just focus on yours. Plenty of sobriety programs out there, maybe pick one and dive into head first
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I have just come across this thread, lots of great advice I won’t rehash. I still can break into a cold sweat when I think of things I did drunk.
Re meetings, I found speaker meetings the most interesting in the early days. This is when one person talks about their journey for 20 minutes or something, and then people share how they related to that story or about their own journey. Literature meetings can quite frankly be a bit dry unless you are doing / done the steps. But speakers meetings, every one I heard something I could relate too. Which first made me realise that I was indeed an alcoholic. Just because I didn’t have the shakes or drink every day, the thoughts and feelings I had about drinking were exactly the same as those stereotypical alcoholics. But then a speaker has usually recovered, and so hearing stories of people getting better, it made me think, if they could do it, then do could I. It really gave me hope.
Consider doing the steps, or whatever process another program offers. There are religious and agnostic versions (of AA). The original steps certainly have a Christian flavour, but take what you need and leave what you don’t. There are elements of psychology and mindfulness in them that work even today. Other programs have similar elements of facing your past, understanding your triggers, living in the present, etc. Apply yourself to learning these new skills and recovery will be easier.
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Yeah, I dont doubt the fact im an alcoholic. Ive known that for years. Ive been taking notes on what triggers me. My biggest one is getting on the computer to play video games. That is about what im doing 99 percent of the time when im drinking. On the computer playing video games and drinking. I dont go to bars or parties. I sit alone in my room and drink and play games. And socialize with people online. My main friend group did the same a whole two people. Which are now no longer in my life due to getting blocked. This is most likely a blessing in disguise. If I was bad enough to be blocked. Then whatever I said must have been pretty bad. I havent turned on my computer since this happened.
Other triggers of wanting to drink are usually when stupid stuff happens at work. Which has triggered me to want to drink. But, so far when its happened this week. Ive talked about it and its passed. Been going straight home and working on day 4 of not drinking. I have looked a little bit for AA meetings in my area. Most of them are kinda far away. Giving where I live. Ive also thought about going back to church and having a talk with my old pastor. Its a small church and the pastor is a family friend. I know he’d be willing to help me if I asked.
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Online ones? It gives you a lot more variety to choose from, but of course, face to face has its own benefits, especially if there is already a personal connection.
This might require taking a break from video games for a bit if you often do them together. Do you have any other pastimes you can lean into for a while? Of course, recovery work can take up a fair bit of time in the beginning.
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