Had been 11days sober, fucked it up this night. I feel like a failure! I know why it happend but still not proud of myself… I have a appointment today where i will say i am stopping with the study i follow. I am doing a study to become a Experience Exprert in Psychological health. I have been relapsing to may times in the last year to say i am confident that i can handle it and help people… It is hard to admit but i am further back than before. The fact that i am so stressed about this appointment says enough. I am at a very low point in my life without anyone even knowing it. I have to come clean and tell this because i cant keep on fooling every one. I have myself for it but i think it is for the best.
Even though i fucked up my 11 days i am craving oxy and the stupid this is i have it at home … I am struggling every second not to do it but i am trying to stay strong because 1 fairure is enough for 1 day…
Its not the end when you relapse. Please do not beat yourself up over this and if you are serious about giving your addiction up dont let this set back hold you down or define you. Get back on the horse so to speak and continue with your sobriety.
Do get rid of any temptations at home - this should be your safe place. Knowing your triggers and having a plan on how to deal with them is key to staying on track. Go to a meeting and continue being part of this community. Great tools and stories here and an amazing support system. I am only 111 day sober myself and have found great comfort in this community 
I do hope you stick around and continue with your sobriety. Best of luck!
Hey there. What are you doing to get sober? I can feel the desperation in your post, are you channeling that into recovery work or is it just situational cos you’ve just relapsed?
Just not picking up is not enough for anyone with an addiction. You have to immerse yourself in recovery, community and emotionally work through the reasons of why you escape from reality with oxy.
Here are some resources. Pick three and start today:
And some wisdom:
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Good luck.
You’re not actually fooling anyone; at some level, conscious or subconscious, the people around you are aware you’re addicted. Sometimes it doesn’t come up just because it’s been happening so long that they (and you) just think it’s your standard behaviour. Still though, they are aware you are an addict. (That’s why this happens: You might be an alcoholic if - #395 by Runningaway - and that’s just the people who actually talk to you about it.) You’re not alone; many of us at one point or another lived with the illusion that we were somehow getting away with something, all while we kept ourselves numb and underperforming due to our addiction.
So, so many of us here can say exactly the same thing - you’re definitely not alone.
You need to do something new. You need help. Have you tried joining a meeting? www.AA.org or www.NA.org; there are others too; you’re never far from a meeting. There are also all kinds of meetings online (including some 24-hour ones: search “marathon NA meeting”, for example, and you’ll find some).
It’s time for a change. What’s your new thing you’re gonna do? Then just go do it. A lot of this only takes a couple minutes to do. Go for it!